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Old 09-02-2011, 11:24 AM
 
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Is asking for forgiveness the same as apologizing?

My opinion: Asking someone to forgive you for a transgression does not mean you are sorry for what you did.

"please forgive me" is saying "I want you to not be mad at me anymore for what I did, even if I am not sorry for doing it."

"I'm sorry" is saying "I regret that I hurt you."

What's your opinion?
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Old 09-02-2011, 11:38 AM
 
Location: Las Flores, Orange County, CA
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"I am sorry" means you feel sorry, you are sorrowful, it is a statement explaining your emotion. You could say that if your friend's dog died but you didn't do anything wrong.

"I apologize" means you regret what happened and you acknowledge responsibility. Can be an honest mistake. Could be an about face from an intentionally hurtful act too. But it doesn't mean you feel anything. "I apologize for spilling my coffee on your shoes."
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Old 09-02-2011, 11:51 AM
 
9,363 posts, read 16,959,616 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Charles View Post
"I am sorry" means you feel sorry, you are sorrowful, it is a statement explaining your emotion. You could say that if your friend's dog died but you didn't do anything wrong.

"I apologize" means you regret what happened and you acknowledge responsibility. Can be an honest mistake. Could be an about face from an intentionally hurtful act too. But it doesn't mean you feel anything. "I apologize for spilling my coffee on your shoes."

Okay, I see I wasn't specific enough, truly a question of semantics!

"I'm sorry" can be used to express sympathy OR regret for a hurtful action.

"I apologize" expresses regret for a hurtful action (be it spilling coffee on someone, or something much more dire, or anything in between)

But what does "please forgive me" express? Asking forgiveness, in my opinion, does not necessarily express regret over the hurt that may have been caused.

So technically, someone can avoid apologizing, by saying "please forgive me" and it will be meaningless.

That's what I'm trying to get at.

I realize apologies and "I'm sorry" can be meaningless too. But that's not the point I am trying to make.

It's not important in the greater scheme of things of course, but I've been thinking about it so much, I finally decided to see what other people think about it.
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Old 09-02-2011, 02:30 PM
 
Location: Location: Location
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Me: You're a big stupid jerk.

He: I am not! Say you're sorry.

Me: Okay. I'm sorry you're a big stupid jerk.
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Old 09-02-2011, 06:35 PM
 
5,683 posts, read 9,913,541 times
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I see your point, though I don't think I've ever encountered a situation where someone asked for forgiveness without expressing an apology or sorrow for hurting another person.

At the same time, and not to be devil's advocate or anything, if I ask someone's forgiveness, there is a tacit admission of responsibility for causing that person's pain or distress. Is an acknowledgment of responsibility close enough to an actual apology? I could see how some people might have emotional reasons for not wanting to actually verbalize the phrase "I am sorry," and by the same token, I could also see how others could have emotional reasons for needing to hear those words. I'm just wondering if you can frame the request for forgiveness in a different way in your mind so that it includes an apology, even if not spoken.

Of course, this assumes that the person asking your forgiveness is not a serial abuser or someone who perpetually takes unfair advantage or a manipulative game-player who is in it just for the fun of hurting others. If the interaction involves someone like that, then I don't think you'll ever get an apology, and I'd recommend you exit the relationship if at all possible for your emotional (and possibly physical) health.
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Old 09-02-2011, 07:55 PM
 
13,518 posts, read 18,169,961 times
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I think that when a person apologizes...in what-ever way...be it asking for forgiveness,... saying I'm sorry.... or....I didn't mean to, etc...it can only be deciphered by the one who is receiving it...and they will know if it's genuine or not.........what theatergypsy said made me laugh because manys a time I have that almost same conversation...
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Old 09-02-2011, 08:06 PM
 
Location: In a happy place
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Whatever you do, don't say "I'm sorry, BUT ..."

Totally meaningless in my book.
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Old 09-02-2011, 10:15 PM
 
Location: Victoria TX
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I knew a young girl who said "I'm sorry" about a thousand times a day. I suggested to her that whenever she has the urge to say "I'm sorry", she should instead think "I'm better than that", and then find a way to express her confidence in her ability to not be so sorry. It really worked, and there was a significant improvement in her self-esteem. She started saying things like "I guess I should concentrate more", or "I'll know better than to do that again".
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Old 09-03-2011, 04:44 AM
 
Location: Location: Location
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jtur88 View Post
I knew a young girl who said "I'm sorry" about a thousand times a day. I suggested to her that whenever she has the urge to say "I'm sorry", she should instead think "I'm better than that", and then find a way to express her confidence in her ability to not be so sorry. It really worked, and there was a significant improvement in her self-esteem. She started saying things like "I guess I should concentrate more", or "I'll know better than to do that again".
Thanks so much for that suggestion! One of my granddaughters is a lovely, talented, intelligent young woman and her only flaw is saying, "I'm sorry" frequently. The need to say it is only in her mind as she rarely does anything that could be construed as requiring an apology.

I am going to use your suggestion.
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Old 09-03-2011, 04:52 AM
 
Location: I never said I was perfect so no refunds here sorry!
6,484 posts, read 6,845,901 times
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Proper conduct, behavior and respect keeps you from having to visit that dilemma very often!

When it's a genuine and meaningful response either are sufficient!

Oh gosh....looking back not sure if that answers your query or not, sorry
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