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Old 09-13-2011, 06:07 PM
 
941 posts, read 1,648,579 times
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Just wondering if any of you can relate..
I try always to reciprocate.. and often am the first one in letting a person know my gratitude, and go the extra mile to fulfilling their whim, wish, or need. I will always celebrate a person's birthday and give them encouraging words, or even a "just because" gift..
they always say thanks....but NEVER EVER reciprocate

recently after years and years of it being a one way street.. I walked away.
Was that wrong..
Do you have people in your life like what I described, or have I been dumb longer than necessary?
Honesty please.
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Old 09-13-2011, 07:01 PM
 
7,508 posts, read 3,955,131 times
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It's very hard for me to call myself a "generous person" because I like to stay away from "Look at me I'm a good person" mentality. I usually let my friend do the judging because they have a better perspective although they do not necessary know who I am. Some people take advantage of generous people, so I would be careful with that. Some are plain oblivious. Some just don't care to reciprocate.

Are you looking for something in return? What did you mean when you said "I walked away"? Did you end the relationship? Or you stopped giving gifts? Correct me if I'm wrong but you almost sound like a people-pleaser. I know I'm one.
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Old 09-13-2011, 08:16 PM
 
941 posts, read 1,648,579 times
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Yes, I had been told (a lot) that person was known as a "take, take take"
kind of person.. I guess I was trying to find the goodness in them and stayed far too long. How long is too long..well everybody has a different time frame.
Mine was 25 years of patience, and making excuses on that persons behalf.
It wore me down.. I walked away meaning wishing them well. Peace baby.
Thanks :^)
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Old 09-13-2011, 08:32 PM
 
7,508 posts, read 3,955,131 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by countryswan View Post
Yes, I had been told (a lot) that person was known as a "take, take take"
kind of person.. I guess I was trying to find the goodness in them and stayed far too long. How long is too long..well everybody has a different time frame.
Mine was 25 years of patience, and making excuses on that persons behalf.
It wore me down.. I walked away meaning wishing them well. Peace baby.
Thanks :^)
Oh wow okay. Yeah, I would a) end it or b) stay away from them but will still their friend. There's no right or wrong answer (IMO) because people make difference choices as to how they will respond to these kind of people.
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Old 09-13-2011, 10:11 PM
 
Location: Orlando, Florida
43,856 posts, read 46,321,213 times
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I'm not sure. I would think that the whole reason of giving is not expecting anything in return.
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Old 09-14-2011, 12:00 AM
 
941 posts, read 1,648,579 times
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Default Anberlin

Thanks for open and understanding heart.. you are a kind person!
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Old 09-14-2011, 12:04 AM
 
Location: southern california
61,306 posts, read 79,589,420 times
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its not stupidity. you have a good heart, but if you do it to great excess, it could be codependency.
google this and read patterns and characteristics.
http://www.sdccoda.org/
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Old 09-14-2011, 12:09 AM
 
25,082 posts, read 14,947,232 times
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I think givers give and takers take... u gotta find the balance
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Old 09-14-2011, 12:20 AM
 
941 posts, read 1,648,579 times
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such insight! maybe it is just that...

In retrospect.. I saw that I was the only one
who seemed to be doing good things for this person,
and wanted to bring them a lift from the issues that
were grievous over time.. That person was not being
loved by spouse, so I tried to fill in with a little thought
here and there. Trying to keep the person lifted, that's all.
There was always some little thing like a thread, that I
kept feeding, because I felt sorry for the person, and also because
I thought I could be teaching about being a giving soul,
a trait they also needed to learn.
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Old 09-14-2011, 01:52 AM
 
11,868 posts, read 15,388,230 times
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I can identify with your struggle. I am a natural giver and, in turn, I attract "takers."

I'm trying to find that balance in my life - setting boundaries and the like.

If the behavior you describe is a pattern in your life, you have to recognize you are the one that has to change, not everyone else. It makes a world of difference.

Also, I think it's important to understand that just because they aren't giving you the "returns" you want doesn't mean they aren't giving you something. Sometimes it's hard to see.
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