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Old 11-19-2007, 12:28 PM
 
Location: The Big D
14,862 posts, read 40,504,992 times
Reputation: 5787

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It is official. I ticked off the relatives over Thanksgiving. On top of it I don't feel the least bit remorseful and I don't believe I should. What do y'all think? Here is just the latest for what has happened so far THIS year and "the relatives".

Trying to decide WHERE to have Thanksgiving Dinner was a chore in and of itself. My parents recently moved and live 1 1/2 miles from me and it shows. My aunt & uncle recently moved into their pristine showroom house last year. They both were saying we could have our family Thanksgiving at their house. I don't care to go to my aunts house as there is NOTHING there for my children to do. They would be BORED to tears and it would be miserable. My parents house still looks like they just moved in but the only thing I heard while house hunting w/ them was they wanted a house to have Thanksgiving and Christmas at for the family. For the last 5-7 years Thanksgiving, Christmans, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Easter, etc have all been at my house. I have PLENTY of room for everyone and my kids have things to do.

Now, Thanksgiving for the last 5 years has included my mother in law since she is now widowed AND my husbands aunt & uncle. They had no children and treated my children like their grandkids. The uncle recently passed away. My husbands 2 nephews and 1 neice were also included in our Thanksgiving meals. On my side there is just the 4 of us, my parents, my sis and her husband (and now their new little baby), my aunt & uncle, my cousin and her husband and their child. That is it. Not a WHOLE LOT a people total here we are talking about. This year for my husbands side it would only be a WHOOPING FOUR PEOPLE!

So we finally say, okay it is at my mom & dads house. OH BROTHER!!! The next day my phone starts ringing. My aunt calling telling me my mother does not need to be having this at her house. She is in no shape health wise. Then my cousin starts calling me (4 times) telling me the same thing. OH, and my husbands family DOES NOT need to be entertained at my parents house. Those are MY HUSBANDS FAMILY and should be at MY HOUSE! Okay, okay, okay. To keep peace I just throw up my hands and say, fine it is at my house. This upset my mom and dad as they really wanted it at their house. My mom makes the dressing and my dad was thrilled they would not have to cart food in the car to another house.

My aunt: She hauls her dogs EVERYWHERE! She shows up w/ them at our house for every occassion. They are NOT welcome here as they have made a "mess" in our house before. One dog she had made the rounds thru the house going in the trash cans and pulling out tissue and tearing it up. They thought it was funny and cute . My husband said the dogs BETTER NOT SHOW UP! My mom firmly agreed w/ him and was just as put off w/ her as he is.

My cousin: My mother tells me over the weekend that she called and was wondering about an ingredient for "her dressing" as it is the ONLY one she will eat. She is hosting her husbands family and wants my mothers dressing. Somehow my mother agrees to make it for her and she accepts. Now, I was just told the day before that my mother is in no shape healthwise to stand up and host a group at her home especially if it involves MY HUSBANDS FAMILY! Her inlaws in a way. But it is okay for her to make the dressing for her neices husbands parents?????

Needless to say after stewing on it for a day and a half I called up my cuz and told her she had no right to ask my mother to do such. She said my mother offered and I'm sure she did as that is just the type of person she is and I told her that. The whole thing just made me mad. I also realized that I don't have a refridgerator large enough for the turkey and ham that I will pick up on Wednesday. I called my mother and asked if we could bring it to her house and put it in the fridge there and get it on Thanksgiving morning and bring it to our house and put in the oven. She was of course it was no problem and I'm not asking my mom to cook the thing or buy it.

I told the cuz that her and her mother were the most ungrateful people around and should go volunteer at the homeless shelter instead. Trust me, these people are NOT humble at all and just expect everyone to do everything for them as they are too good. They complain all the time, don't do ANY volunteer work of ANY type, etc. I think they should.

So, was I right or wrong?

BTW, Thanksgiving Dinner is now at my mothers house and she is THRILLED for it to be there.
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Old 11-19-2007, 01:28 PM
 
28,778 posts, read 44,795,685 times
Reputation: 37820
Well good for you! God I hate manipulating people, and relatives can be the worst.

When I finally became an adult (in my eyes, not the families) I just started telling everyone what jackasses they were being. I was a bit concerned about my mothers reaction, but I soon found out she was having the time of her life over it! All the stupid, self-centered stunts that relatives pulled and got away with were suddenly being spoken about in a very open and frank manner, and she would just sit on the sidelines with a small smile on her face not saying a word.

A few of the "offenders" kept looking at her as if asking her to correct my manners. She just kept that polite smile on her face and said nothing.

Between this and not allowing the control freaks in the family to "play" me, I was not invited, or did not go to, a few get togethers. Things smoothed out after everyone figured out my mother agreed with me.

Control freaks, ack!
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Old 11-19-2007, 01:34 PM
 
Location: Naptowne, Alaska
15,602 posts, read 37,617,838 times
Reputation: 14830
I think I'd just stay home with a 6 pack and some take out and watch football rather than go through all this hassle. I'm glad you stood up for yourself.
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Old 11-19-2007, 01:49 PM
 
Location: The Big D
14,862 posts, read 40,504,992 times
Reputation: 5787
Thanks guys . I just told my husband that usually after I say something "bad" I usually feel bad about it. For some reason I don't feel the least bit bad after this. I'm sure my dad is actually thrilled about me saying such to them. LOL!!! I told my husband and my mother that if I had the time to plan it I would rent a bus to pick us up as soon as they arrived to haul EVERYONE downtown to feed the homeless. Then they can eat with the people they just served and be grateful. That or call Meals On Wheels and arrange for the whole clan to deliver meals that day. I think it would be a GREAT DAY for us to do such. It would be good for all of them including my own kids. These are the people that do NOT vounteer for ANYTHING.

Anyway, I just LOVE all the drama ! If I would have found a good airfare last week I would have bookes us and gone. URGH! Maybe next year.
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Old 11-19-2007, 04:17 PM
 
Location: North of the Cow Pasture and South of the Wind Turbines
856 posts, read 2,812,087 times
Reputation: 2279
I read your post earlier and wanted to say you made my Thanksgiving with my In-Laws looking desirable so thank you, and you are not wrong. Even though my wife started making our house a hospital ward after they said they would come up to the mountain a month ago lol.

My wife is impeccably clean, but parents and various "family" put too much stress on making sure you are the cleanest, best chef, best parent, best at managing your life to minimize the "comments"; in your face or under the breath, or after the fact of organizing the fun loving holiday event - weeeee. lol. And you have to keep up the goofy things that make it the "family" event. All well if everyone acts like adults and not interject their goofy view of life, politics or religion.

I think the host always has the responsibility of making whatever holiday perfect for guests and that is nearly impossible given the general inflexibility of guests, family friends, etc and alcohol generally makes everything even out. Unless it is not enough for Uncle Joe.

Ok enough you got me - phew when's Friday
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Old 11-19-2007, 04:17 PM
 
Location: Where the real happy cows reside!
4,279 posts, read 10,028,632 times
Reputation: 10465
Thanksgiving ... being thankful that you can book a trip for the four day weekend so you are at least 500 miles from your nearest PITA relative and all the dramatics!
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Old 11-19-2007, 04:24 PM
 
Location: North of the Cow Pasture and South of the Wind Turbines
856 posts, read 2,812,087 times
Reputation: 2279
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rance View Post
I think I'd just stay home with a 6 pack and some take out and watch football rather than go through all this hassle. I'm glad you stood up for yourself.

oooooo - why you tempt us Rance Take out in Alaska - does that involve firearms? Thanksgiving at Rance's ! How do I get there! -
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Old 11-19-2007, 05:36 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
5,297 posts, read 6,078,679 times
Reputation: 8176
Thats one of the good things about living far away from family.We don't have that hassle,It will be my husband and I and his son and brother..And we are having lasagna,salad,veggie tray and pumpkin and sweet potato pie.

So have you guys decided on where Christmas dinner is yet?
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Old 11-19-2007, 05:48 PM
 
Location: Looking over your shoulder
31,304 posts, read 31,112,437 times
Reputation: 84438
Sometimes things work out for the best and we shouldn’t feel bad about what was said or done. Life moves on and those that can’t deal with anything I may have said that offended them can learn to live with it.
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Old 11-19-2007, 05:56 PM
 
28,778 posts, read 44,795,685 times
Reputation: 37820
Quote:
Originally Posted by AksarbeN View Post
Sometimes things work out for the best and we shouldn’t feel bad about what was said or done. Life moves on and those that can’t deal with anything I may have said that offended them can learn to live with it.
My Mantra!
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