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Old 08-07-2016, 02:58 PM
 
Location: Where the sun likes to shine!!
20,545 posts, read 27,763,032 times
Reputation: 88791

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Some Sunday Fun!!



I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.

I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. I decided to change calling the bathroom the” John” and renamed it the” Jim”. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.

Old age is coming at a really bad time.

When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is, "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

I don't have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights." I'm just very wise.

Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.

At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I went in there for.

"Success" is when you look back at your life, and the memories make you smile.
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Old 08-07-2016, 03:12 PM
 
Location: South Central Texas
114,775 posts, read 57,937,130 times
Reputation: 166077
Funny stuff! Thanks Lisa!
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Old 08-07-2016, 03:37 PM
 
Location: Kanada ˁ˚ᴥ˚ˀ
122,196 posts, read 15,647,722 times
Reputation: 65604
Funny list
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Old 08-07-2016, 05:33 PM
 
Location: Out there somewhere...a traveling man.
41,382 posts, read 52,749,485 times
Reputation: 116585
Lisa, made me burp up my beer.
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Old 08-08-2016, 01:27 PM
 
4,632 posts, read 2,818,252 times
Reputation: 41309
Love it!!
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Old 08-08-2016, 01:30 PM
 
13,510 posts, read 15,662,117 times
Reputation: 37885
Very good!

I do have different take on this one, though:

"Success" is when you look back at your life, and the memories make you smile.

"Success" is when you look back at your life, and can remember it.
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Old 08-08-2016, 10:48 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
29,176 posts, read 28,232,542 times
Reputation: 36803
I was going to say something, but I forgot what it was.
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Old 08-09-2016, 01:22 AM
 
Location: Under the bed with the dust bunnies
3,609 posts, read 2,090,568 times
Reputation: 8222
"When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra." Will Rogers
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Old 08-09-2016, 01:48 AM
 
Location: Under the bed with the dust bunnies
3,609 posts, read 2,090,568 times
Reputation: 8222
An old geezer is rocking in his rocker, and says, "I'm getting so old all my friends in Heaven are going to think I didn't make it."
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Old 08-09-2016, 01:51 AM
 
Location: Under the bed with the dust bunnies
3,609 posts, read 2,090,568 times
Reputation: 8222
One of my all time favorite quotes

'When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.' - Mark Twain
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