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Old 04-25-2008, 12:11 PM
 
Location: in a house
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Defintely believe respect should be earned and not just given because of age or status. I know the old fashioned way of thinking that you should respect your elders...well, I don't believe in that at all if your "elders" do something disrespectful to you or others. Shocked my mother one day when she told me that my son should respect someone in our family just because they are old and that I totally disagreed with her and explained why based on that person's behavior toward my son. JMO.
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Old 04-25-2008, 01:56 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by puffle View Post
Shocked my mother one day when she told me that my son should respect someone in our family just because they are old and that I totally disagreed with her and explained why based on that person's behavior toward my son. JMO.
This is familiar. My parents both walked on respectful eggshells around my grandmother and insisted we do the same, even though [fill in hundreds of reasons to warrant gross disrespect]. We were expected to overlook her bad behavior and treat her with honor because she was older. It screwed me up for years in contending with bullies, to the point where I did not have the tools to stand up for myself or my children in a particular instance - for which I've apologized to them several times but still feel horrible about.

In a short-term, superficial exchange, though, is it hypocrisy and a betrayal of your ideals to be polite and play along, if to stand your ground will bring more trouble than it's worth?

Could be a Southern thing
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Old 04-25-2008, 02:33 PM
 
280 posts, read 1,215,162 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by agreatlife View Post
For me, everyone deserves respect until they do something to lose it. That's the way I would want to be treated, and that's they way my parents taught me to behave. Maybe that's "old fashioned", but it has worked very well for me over the years.
thats exactly what I believe. It sucks the times when your wrong about somebody, but you live & learn
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Old 04-25-2008, 03:39 PM
 
28,803 posts, read 47,469,688 times
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Originally Posted by joee View Post
If i made a statement of the fact that people had to earn my respect wouldn't that say something about me, i'm better than you, i look down upon you, your nothing unless i say or grant you my respect, hmm must be god huh.

........

I once had a guy tell me to show him what i got, impress me he said, so i stood there a min and went sure no problem, turned & walked away without a single word.
Not at all. In fact your description of the result of not immediately giving someone you meet respect makes me wonder if you understand what respect actually is:

esteem: the condition of being honored (esteemed or respected or well regarded); "it is held in esteem"; "a man who has earned high regard"

regard highly; think much of; "I respect his judgment"; "We prize his creativity"

Notice it has to be earned. Earned things are not given immediately, they take time. Respect is one example of an attribute that requires time.

Good judgment cannot be recognized in an instant. Even if you see someone using good judgment in a given circumstance, the next time they may use poor judgment. Consistently showing good judgment over time is what earns the respect of others.

There is no mention of considering yourself to be "better" than another person. It is, rather, the cumulative actions of a person, or persons, over time that garners respect. To expect immediate respect from someone else (which is the premise you base your statement on) is egotistical, and should be frowned upon in polite company.

If I met someone who demanded my immediate respect I fear there would be none forthcoming. Now or at any time in future. Like you, I would think for a minute, turn, and walk away.

As I stated earlier:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tek_Freek View Post
I treat people with courtesy and kindness. When they've earned it I treat them with respect. That is what I expect in return.
I do not expect you to respect me until and unless I have proven myself worthy of that respect. To give it to me as a condition of our first meeting is not asked for, nor required.
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Old 04-25-2008, 09:09 PM
 
Location: St. Augustine FL
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And I respectfully disagree.
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Old 04-25-2008, 09:45 PM
 
28,803 posts, read 47,469,688 times
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As is your right.
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Old 04-26-2008, 04:46 AM
 
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Not all will view respect the same as say you or I, when I say I respect a person I take into consideration the person as a whole, accepting them for what they are not what or how I want them to be, taking the good along with the bad, in doing so I may judge character but still respect that person.

Respect can be said as a two way street between individuals, if one does not respect the other then how can the other expect that respect, it simply will not be there, if one gives respect the other will feel that respect.

Respecting others own feelings, listening to what they are saying and trying to see the other persons point not trying to make them see your point and many more things along that line, compare it to a marriage, employee vs. employer.

To say respect is earned, gained, etc, may partially be correct but how does one earn that respect, the best way is from the above situations but some feel the need to force respect upon others in the way of fear by belittling, authority, trying to be in control over the other, that may work for sometime but in the end the other person may overcome that fear and such thus losing total respect for such person, let's say the boss rides your butt every single day how much respect are you going to show or have for him.

Esteem in my opinion is how you may see yourself by what others think of you, one may have high self esteem for himself but others may have a low esteem for him, we all seek esteem from others as to be taking brownie points from them, esteem coming from what one would call the lower end of the ladder will not do as much for one as esteem coming from someone higher up on the ladder.

We all want that feeling of high self esteem, being socially accepted, but without having respect for the other it just doesn't happen and one becomes the outcast.

Last edited by joee; 04-26-2008 at 05:33 AM..
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Old 04-26-2008, 07:05 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,432 posts, read 34,209,504 times
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I give respect to everyone, until they do something to have taken away that priviledge. After that, I do not disrespect them, but I just try to avoid them.... unless I have to be around them or deal with them, and in that case, still do not disrespect them, just am a bit distant... still nice though.

I don't know if any of that makes sense. I am not done with my coffee yet.
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Old 04-26-2008, 02:11 PM
 
35,016 posts, read 38,994,379 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cinderobyn View Post
I give respect to everyone, until they do something to have taken away that priviledge. After that, I do not disrespect them, but I just try to avoid them.... unless I have to be around them or deal with them, and in that case, still do not disrespect them, just am a bit distant... still nice though.

I don't know if any of that makes sense. I am not done with my coffee yet.
Me too. And me either.
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Old 04-28-2008, 02:31 PM
 
Location: Az.
1,198 posts, read 1,520,240 times
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I treat everyone with respect. But when someone doesn't show respect to me, then I just don't associate with them and would rather not be in the same place where they are.
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