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This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found
shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - - she loved to
browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart.
Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr.. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video
surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the " Mission Impossible" theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
And last,
but not least ..
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in
here!"
Thanks John, I've been looking for something to do while Mrs Dude shops. They don't let us in Dominick's anymore. Something about me diving under the display and yelling "incomming" when the recorded thunder plays and they spray fresh produce.
Well, 30 years ago, you probably would have caught me doing one of those pranks at a Kmart or some place like that (We didn't have Walmarts back then) Back in my high school and college days, when me and my buddies used to hang out together a couple of times a month on Friday or Saturday nights, and I talked about this before, we were banned from a restaurant or two because of a disgusting prank we used to play.
We'd fill up a plastic bag with a crazy mix of vegetables, milk, or anything we could get our hands on. We'd mix the stuff in a blender, and make it look as disgusting as possible, put it a container and drive down to where everybody used to hang out (Central Ave. in Phoenix) We'd pour the mixture in a ziplock bag, and whoever volunteered to do the prank, would stuff the bag in his shirt or jacket to conceal it really well, then we'd all walk into McDonald's, Bob's Big Boy, or any of the places that were usually crowded on Friday and Saturday nights. The guy with the bag would pretend he was not feeling well, cough, bend down to pretend he was throwing up, and he would realease contents of the bag, which were just chunks of vegetables and some liquid, on the floor to make it look like he was throwing up! LOL.. Everybody who was sitting and eating would get disgusted, and we've seen some people, who have gotten up and left their meals on their tables!
But we got caught once or twice; the manager knew that it was just a prank, and he asked us to leave and never come back, and he would call the police if he saw us in there again!
Last edited by Magnum Mike; 09-05-2008 at 05:22 PM..
...And here I thought playing baseball with those plastic bats in the aisles were baaaaadddddd...
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