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Old 04-15-2007, 10:27 PM
 
1,075 posts, read 3,382,547 times
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That's a toughy, some make there funeral arrangements ahead of time then some can't bring themselves to do it nor talk about it and just leave it up to the remaining family, either way creamation & services, burial & services are going to eat that money up.

The way i look at it is that's the very last thing the family can ever do for that member so make it as nice as possible.
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Old 04-16-2007, 01:02 AM
 
Location: Colorado
1,394 posts, read 4,030,626 times
Reputation: 953
When my brother died, he never left a will, and it has been still hard for me to get over or forget. He died of suicide in 2005 a few days before my birthday.
He was only close to my daughter and myself, he was never married or had any children. I guess it was pure greed in my family, they made sure that my daughter and I got nothing.
In turn my mother and one sister came out smelling like a rose, he never got a nice burial, he was cremated, but they were to cheap to even put flowers on his grave site for the funeral, and he never got a nice urn, just a plastic box. My mom and sister took all his expensive toys and split them between the two, along with my mom giving my sister storage fees when she said she would store his things at her place to help family. Mind you I have seven living sisters yet and no brothers left.
I would say if they were going to be cremated, then at least give her a nice urn, it doesn't have to be costly, neither does the funeral, but please show respect for the deceased, my brother never got that, and it still hurts to this day.
The bills can just be sent back, and with the left over money it is up to them, but with my brother, I wanted nothing but a couple of small things to remember him by, my daughter also, but I also wanted any money made to go to suicide prevention, in memory of my brother.
I am more on the poor side, but if it could of helped one person from not killing themselves, it would have been well worth it. Sorry to bring up my life. Yorkie
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Old 04-16-2007, 07:26 AM
 
Location: Miami. Florida
942 posts, read 2,465,946 times
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As too her debt, writing on the envelope "deceased" will do just fine. If she had know estate they cant go after the indurance policy because that belongs to her father.

I trully beieve if she did not let anyone know what she wanted, it is up to her parebts on how to hold her funeral arrangements. It all depends on there religious beliefs and how they would like to honor their daughter. Funeral have alot to do with closure. Maybe it is necessary for her parents to give her the approproate barial.

When my grandmother past away from cancer two years ago we gave her the WHOLE shabang. We all chipped in as much as we could. We as a family went as picked out her plot, with a nice tree, where we thought she would like and that we could go and leave her favorite flowers. This was especially important to my mom. This is a very indivisual, personal matter and really cant be generalized because it effects everyone differently.
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Old 04-16-2007, 07:27 AM
 
Location: NJ/SC
4,324 posts, read 14,075,987 times
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Sorry Yorkie to hear this happened to you and your brother.......my family has been at odds for years over my grandparents passing away. Always about money.
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Old 04-16-2007, 07:31 AM
 
Location: Miami. Florida
942 posts, read 2,465,946 times
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I feel so fortunate that when grandma died my two aunts and mom went through her things. She did not have money just years of keepsakes. Between the three sisters they made sure everyone got grandmas special tokens that she cared for with such detail, always dusting, always polishing and cleaning. All of us, have tokens of her love.
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Old 04-16-2007, 07:42 AM
 
Location: in the southwest
13,395 posts, read 42,766,279 times
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If a nice funeral is what she asked for, or if it's what the parents want, I guess they should do what they can with the $10K.
It's true funerals are for the living, and it's true they can be a hassle among family members.
When my dad died suddenly (years ago) we basically did what my mom wanted, and I know my grandma (my dad's mother) was angry because it wasn't very religious (my dad was an agnostic.)
For Minimum Wage Cil, all I'd want is to donate the body to science, then have a few friends over for good food and drink, good music, and plenty of nostalgia.
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Old 04-16-2007, 07:47 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
10,747 posts, read 22,271,133 times
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It is really up to the family what to do about the funeral.

But it's sad and maybe a little wierd of you, Dingler, to refer to her as the minimum wage SIL. What a way to remember her.
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Old 04-16-2007, 08:01 AM
 
Location: Just a few miles outside of St. Louis
1,921 posts, read 5,368,355 times
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When my grandmother passed away a number of years ago, (she had lived with me for the last three years), she had no will, although my name was on her small checking account, (so I could get her medicine, etc.). She certainly did not have the money, and I did not have enough money for a funeral, etc. My parents had been saving a few dollars, and sent it to me, to pay for a very basic burial. My grandmother had originally wanted cremation, but my parents threw a fit, claiming it was pagan, and refused to pay for anything, unless I made the arrangements for the burial. If I had had the money, I would have honored her wishes, but since I didn't, (and, I didn't want the state to be paying for my grandma), and I was so exhausted, I gave in to them. I saw to it that she had a nice little memorial service, at the church we both attended at that time. Then, a small, but dignified graveside service. I wish I could have done it the way she would have liked, but that was not possible.

I had no trouble with anyone, even doctors and hospitals, concerning her bills, once they knew that she was deceased.

Personally, I don't believe in big expensive funerals. In fact, I've already been discussing this with my husband, and he agrees. Paying thousands of dollars to be put into the ground is nuts! The funeral industry, as a whole, has quite a racket going. (Obviously, I realize that there are fine individual funeral homes, but I'm talking across the board). I have been looking into it, and I can have a simple pine box, and I don't have to be embalmed, (in our state), so long as there is not a viewing, which there won't be. Personally, I think viewings are rather barbaric, and a little goofy, especially when people are standing around, saying, "He/She looks so natural/lifelike." No, they don't. They look dead! (Sorry, small rant ). Even if we had the money, it wouldn't be done. A simple memorial and small graveside service are more than sufficient, in my opinion. As has been noted already, funerals are for the living, not the dead. I think it's silly for people to spend ungodly amounts of money on such things. Whatever money I may have when I leave this earth, I would rather my kids have the bulk of it, not the funeral home!
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Old 04-16-2007, 08:38 AM
 
192 posts, read 831,027 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie View Post
But it's sad and maybe a little wierd of you, Dingler, to refer to her as the minimum wage SIL. What a way to remember her.
I agree, ellie; I think that's what most struck me as "off" about the original post/question. That descriptive phrase wasn't really necessary; merely saying that she had no remaining assets other than her car and the life insurance policy after paying years of medical bills, would have been sufficient...
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Old 04-16-2007, 08:45 AM
 
192 posts, read 831,027 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CelticLady1 View Post
Personally, I think viewings are rather barbaric, and a little goofy, especially when people are standing around, saying, "He/She looks so natural/lifelike." No, they don't. They look dead!
I agree about viewings. When my father died I did hold a funeral/wake but only for one night and the casket was closed. The only reason I had a wake at all was because he had so many friends and co-workers who I knew would appreciate the opportunity to pay their last respects, and I wasn't in a situation where I could (or wanted to) hold a gathering at my home. He was a veteran, and so was entitled to a burial and service at the national cemetery.

Bill Cosby does a humorous skit about viewings; I forget its title but it says the same thing you just did! He starts out by saying how people will go to the wake and say "Didn't he look like himself?" (I have never ever seen a person who DID 'look like himself', IMHO!) and wonders what would happen if someone told the truth and answered "NO, he looked DEAD, that's what he looked like!" (trust me, the skit is much funnier than what I've just mangled part of it into....!!)
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