Please, please teach your children to behave in public. (autism, wife, girl)

[alexander59]

People don't say anything because they are afraid to cause a problem and by not saying anything ignoring the bad behavior it only enforces the behavior. People need to say something but bad parents are probably going to fight back, so management is the answer.
I agree we should be able to say something to them without being clobbered but I am afraid of that's what may happen, let management get clobbered that's what they are paid for.

[mom2gurls]

Originally Posted by alexander59

I am probably one of the sourpusses that would like to see age restrictions on restaurants or child free places. I do not know how legal it would be but movies and restaurants would be more pleasant.
If I go into a restaurant and I do not get the table I want I ask for more selection and I have yet to be denied. If I sit down and a child starts I ask to move or talk to the manager. If I am seated near someone who's perfume is too strong I ask to move. I do not go out to eat just to eat and I am not going to spend money to be annoyed.
My children were far from perfect and we went out often, my youngest daughter almost everyday and I would have had no problem if some restaurants were child free.
Someone said that buffets were cheap, well we have one here that serves high end Asian food and dinner can easily with wine cost a 100.00 and if you think I want children's fingers in the sushi and in the chocolate fountain you are wrong. The good think is most parents can't afford it so you see few small children.
If your child misbehaves don't you pay your check apologize and leave or do you just sit there?

This is interesting...I think its an "unwritten" rule at least here in the NYC area that places like "The waterclub" or the "supper club" or the "rainbow room" are pretty much geared from a pallette standpoint for adults..whereas the chains and the "hometown buffet" not sushi (which I love..and most kids dont eat anyway) are meant for families. At least that is what I have experienced and exposed myself too.

I did call a restaurant a couple of years ago and for reservations..and they asked me how many adults..and I said 2A 2K and they did ask me for ages.

While they didnt say they dont LET kids in..they said "We prefer children over 13". Now, Most people arent going to make a stink..what am I going to do...sue them for age discrimination..sorry I dont have that much time on my hands. So I said..Okay and hung up. I wasnt mad..but actually excited thinking their would be future romantic evening with my dh.

It was shortlived because turns out someone did have too much time on their hands and they shut down for saying "we prefer children over 13".

I think its a discretionary thing....I mean for fast food (which I dont condone too much)...cant complain too much.

And in our case if our children misbehaves..they are usually ancy before they go into the restaurant, and we assess it right then and there to attempt it or just go home.

[mom2gurls]

Originally Posted by Davart

What I don't get is why don't people say something?
If I'm eating dinner and some little hellun is making a fuss, acting up, running around, being rude and the parent are not doing anything about it ....

I will get up and I WILL tell your child to set down and be quite and if the parents say anything .... I have and will say DO YOUR JOB as a parents or I'm going to do it for you, because I'm not housing them in the pin the rest of their life, because you failed.

Sure the parents are mad ... so what I'm mad about their misbehaved child I'm not about to be mad alone ... you screw up my meal, I'll screw up theres and maybe they learn something in the process, but I doubt it.

BTW I have children and if the act up it isn't for long ... so before some one says I don't understand how hard it is to parent ... BS I have a house full of girls.

I am asking this as a serious note and not being fresh..but doing what you would do common in your part of the country? Because I can tell you here in the NYC area or burbs...wow that so wouldnt happen..unless you would like a cop handcuffing because the parents called them on you.

Again..NOT condoning running around and acting inappropriate at a restaurant. I am just saying that different people have different ways of dealing with kids..and no one has any right to talk to my child unless they want to go thru me (my momma bear claws come out)---whether they are being darling angels that day or not.

Again..maybe different areas of the country (or different smaller towns) have different ways of disciplining kids.

Wow another informative post on what people really think.

[mom2gurls]

Originally Posted by alexander59

People don't say anything because they are afraid to cause a problem and by not saying anything ignoring the bad behavior it only enforces the behavior. People need to say something but bad parents are probably going to fight back, so management is the answer.
I agree we should be able to say something to them without being clobbered but I am afraid of that's what may happen, let management get clobbered that's what they are paid for.

Yeah..if your dining experience has left you so traumatized that you seek Dr. Phil help...why not curb the problem...check to see if your seating arrangements suit you....and if not..go to the hostess..and ask to be seated at a quieter table?

I know that when we take the kids out..I always request a booth...because they are more comfy...plus the kids know that they have to "scoot" in first...so they have no way to get out..except to use the potty.

Its works like a charm and its great. Again...we may be more strict..but we take every measure possible to ensure a good dining experience.

[momof2dfw]

Here is something that happened to my husband last week. We went out to eat w/ our kids to a very nice new restaurant in town. He pulled up close to the front and let us out since he saw the parking was going to be WAY OUT THERE! When he came in he said he was walking (alone so no one standing shoulder to shoulder if we had been w/ him) on the far right side of the sidewalk. Something we have taught our kids to do and tell them all the time and at times depending on the circumstance will say it loud enough for others to hear. Well coming at him was this girl about 11-12 (same age as our oldest) with her head down talking on a cellphone. The dad was a big man and was walking right beside her and another child on the other side. All shoulder to shoulder on the sidewalk. My husband stayed his path on the far right (I mean where else are you going to go?). The girl finally at the last minute looked up and moved to behind her dad a hair. The dad popped off to my husband, "What are you going to run into a kid?". My husband said he did not even say a word as he knew it would have been futile as it was obvious the dad and the child had no manners at all. No, my husband was not going to "run into" the child but SHE NEEDS TO GET OFF THE PHONE AND LOOK WHERE SHE IS GOING! She and YOU also need to understand that there are MANY times you CAN NOT walk shoulder to shoulder. You have to single file or scoot over to behind someone so that those coming the other way can go on by too. In reality though where on earth did this sorry butt dad think my husband was supposed to go? Into thin air? Step into the street w/ oncoming traffic and get hit? This is the attitude that too many have taught their children and they have grown up that way. Whenever I'm out it is not uncommon to see groups of kids and even adults take up entire sidewalk or walkway and not realize they are blocking everyone. Then they get rude about it. LOL!!!

What is really sad is that same day I was with my girls at the mall getting something for Fathers Day and I wanted to run into this one place to get a drink so I told the girls to sit on the bench outside and hold our bags. I went in the door of the place and was the only customer there. The girl had her back to the door but before she turned around this lady came in w/ her two kids and I guess I was invisible and she went straight to the cash register (not the "order here") and plopped her purse down and stood there w/ a kid on either side of her. Totally oblivious to me. The girl working turned around and saw me and the other lady but the other lady happened to be looking away at the time and so I ordered. I was there first and I knew exactly what I wanted. Then the girl gets my item and goes over to the register and rings me up. She tries to hand me my item and still I need to pay but I have NO WHERE to put the item or to put my purse to get my money out. I even said, "sorry there is no room over here" as I was standing RIGHT BESIDE the other woman now in front of the cash register. Not once did she budge. It really ticked me off but I did not say another word to her since it was obvious she was clueless. As I went out the door I said loud enough to my kids that she should have heard, "Girls, if I EVER see either of you do what that lady that came in after me just did I will tear your butts up".

And what did she teach her kids? NOTHING!

[EarthUp]

Originally Posted by momof2dfw

And what did she teach her kids? NOTHING!

When I was 8, my cousin was 16. She became pregnant by a 23 year old GI. They married and moved to the U.S. together where they had 3 more kids within 5 years and both of them wound up heavy on drugs for a few years.
The children suffered.
They turned out great eventually and all are well mannered and pretty successful.
They were the family others would talk bad about until they became clean.
Once they were clean, the kids were already used to running the house and the neighborhood.
My cousin is a great person, she has made many mistakes but now she is doing very well and both her and her hubby are still together.

I can tell you without a doubt that she had always the best of intentions, but was clueless in many areas.

The last thing parents who screw up need is too much judgement. That can cause them to give up even further. Many of those who don't teach their kids well are in deperate need of guidance themselves.
I'm not making any excuses. Just saying that for some people it's a lot easier to manage their lives and raise their kids, while others don't have a clue on how to go about things.

I was raised too strict. And when I left home, I went wild for a few years.
Balance is the key.
The most important thing is to give your kids love. If they know they are loved and supported, then they will be more likely to figure things out as they go along.
Those who don't feel loved, supported and accepted wind up testing waters. They will act up just to find out they are really loved.

Make sure your kids know and are who they are. The perfect children are often crying inside because they have only learned how to please adults without really being themselves.

I was raised old school and it took me years to realize my parents loved me.
My only wish for my daughter is that she is happy.
I know what it's like to be an unhappy child and don't wish that on anybody.
But then again, my daughter has a great disciplinarian for a mom who makes sure she doesn't get out of line.
If I raised her, she'd prolly wind up with some serious issues.

[momof2dfw]

This lady was not strung out on drugs but her actions were clearly out of line. She was not dressed like a bum or anything like that. I guess I was supposed to just let her run over me and I'm an adult and so was she. As an adult she should know better. By making excuses like that are only making it acceptable behavior. If that is passing judgement then I guess it is but then your passing judgement on me for passing judgement on her.

[mom2gurls]

What is really sad is that same day I was with my girls at the mall getting something for Fathers Day and I wanted to run into this one place to get a drink so I told the girls to sit on the bench outside and hold our bags. I went in the door of the place and was the only customer there. The girl had her back to the door but before she turned around this lady came in w/ her two kids and I guess I was invisible and she went straight to the cash register (not the "order here") and plopped her purse down and stood there w/ a kid on either side of her. Totally oblivious to me. The girl working turned around and saw me and the other lady but the other lady happened to be looking away at the time and so I ordered. I was there first and I knew exactly what I wanted. Then the girl gets my item and goes over to the register and rings me up. She tries to hand me my item and still I need to pay but I have NO WHERE to put the item or to put my purse to get my money out. I even said, "sorry there is no room over here" as I was standing RIGHT BESIDE the other woman now in front of the cash register. Not once did she budge. It really ticked me off but I did not say another word to her since it was obvious she was clueless. As I went out the door I said loud enough to my kids that she should have heard, "Girls, if I EVER see either of you do what that lady that came in after me just did I will tear your butts up".

And what did she teach her kids? NOTHING!


She did teach her kids something...how to be absolutely classless, impatient and unladylike.

[EarthUp]

Originally Posted by momof2dfw

This lady was not strung out on drugs but her actions were clearly out of line. She was not dressed like a bum or anything like that. I guess I was supposed to just let her run over me and I'm an adult and so was she. As an adult she should know better. By making excuses like that are only making it acceptable behavior. If that is passing judgement then I guess it is but then your passing judgement on me for passing judgement on her.

I'm not passing judgement. But in some cases parents are too overwhelmed.

[momof2dfw]

True. I get on to my own kids when they do such. I don't mean to make them stiff scared to move or say something but they need to learn proper behavior so that they can function in society. There are plenty of kids that grow up to be great adults that had crappy parents. I don't want my kids to think they had to learn everything about manners on their own. I also don't believe in "do as I say not as I do". I lead by example. I've taught mine to hold the door open for those coming behind them, to run ahead and open the door for someone you see may need assistance (lady w/ a stroller, wheelchair, crutches, hands full, etc). As we told our oldest the other day when told she had to go help her grandparents pack to get ready to move. You may not get paid in money for it but it is one of those things you just do. Falls under the payback for all the things they have done for you and pay it forward. She is not old enough to go out to eat by herself w/ friends but we have already made her start figuring up the tip amount when we go out to eat. We have told her that if she is out w/ friends eating and someone is going to "walk the check" that if she has the money she better cover it. If she doesn't we told her to call us and we will take care of it over the phone if need be by talking to the manager and paying by cc over the phone or coming in right then (if it is really close by) or by stopping by later. But if she does have friends that do this they are NOT friends or the types of people you want to be around. We have to start early showing our kids the proper behavior in life and I already do that even by pointing out others that are doing the not so right thing.