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I understand that men and women parent differently. My husband and I joke all the time that if it wasn't for him the kids would never get to do anything that is fun! So, when it comes to our kids, I get that. I don't believe I said Aidxen was wrong in his/her statements, just that it is irrelevant to this thread.
I believe he was right on, so we will agree to disagree.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wsop
In this case, it is not our responsibility to teach other people's children how to swim. Our responsibility as pool owners who have guests swimming in our pool, particularly small children, is to do everything in our power to avoid a serious accident. Yes, I am sure my husband would pull up a kid who sunk to the bottom, but seriously, don't you think that should be avoided at all costs?
At all costs? No.
Furthermore, do you actually think it's better to NOT teach the kids to swim and just be there worrying and watching all summer? I'd rather take the time to teach than to worry about someone else's kids all the time. It is YOUR pool; it's the one they use, and since you don't wish their mother to use it, who else will make sure they learn to swim?
Giving them lessons isn't the way either, but making them go without floaties of any kind will inspire them to learn on their own. Honestly, it's easier to watch the water for sunken kids WITHOUT floating things all over the surface.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wsop
Even if a child is rescued before drowning, serious injury can occur. What do you think would happen if someone else's child drowned or sustained a serious injury in our pool? We would be sued. Not only would we lose our pool, we would lose our house.
That's the responsibility and risk you take when you allow others into your pool.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wsop
Actually, neither my husband nor I felt put out by the kids. I was going to let them swim for approx. an hour and then send them home. It was the mom showing up that was a real intrusion.
Then why are we here? You're an adult, talk to her.
If I was to read your original message and try to see it from the other mom's point of view, there are a few things to be said. Since it sounds like you haven't had a real conversation with this mom concerning your pool and the rules, she may be confused about what you expect.
The children may have taken it upon themselves to don their suits and crash your party. They may have 'asked' while the mom was distracted (on the phone or something). Once she was no longer distracted, it may have occurred to her that the children didn't take their towels and sunscreen. She may have legitamately been going over to give them to them. She may also have been going over to try to deduce from your attitude if she should gather her kids and take them home. Again, you didn't say anything to her, so she'd have to judge based on your body language whether the children were welcome.
As for coming in and sitting down, did it ever occur to you that she has the same concerns about adult supervision as you do? She may not trust you or your husband to life guard her kids. She may have sat down and stayed just for that reason...to watch her kids! Especially if there was no conversation or socializing between you and this mom.
As for the porch overlook and the inability to take a hint: I don't know your exact set-up, but judging from your descriptions, I'd say your neighbors feel that being on your porch is not trespassing...coming straight to your pool yard is. Waiting there until you acknowlege their presence may be just as hard on them. ("Why is she not getting the hint that I'd like to talk to her? Why is she not inviting me into her yard? How long do I have to stand here smiling pleasantly?") And again, she may have been watching the kids to make sure they were being treated like they were welcome and to make sure they were being properly life guarded.
You say your pool yard has a privacy fence and is locked...would you have preferred for her to come straight to the gate and knock? Would you hear the knock? Would you feel better about being "watched" from your porch or through the crack in the gate opening? At least you can see her when she is on your porch.
Bottom line here: Talk to this woman. Don't treat her like she did something wrong until you find out for sure that it was her intention to intrude.
If I was to read your original message and try to see it from the other mom's point of view, there are a few things to be said. Since it sounds like you haven't had a real conversation with this mom concerning your pool and the rules, she may be confused about what you expect.
The children may have taken it upon themselves to don their suits and crash your party. They may have 'asked' while the mom was distracted (on the phone or something). Once she was no longer distracted, it may have occurred to her that the children didn't take their towels and sunscreen. She may have legitamately been going over to give them to them. She may also have been going over to try to deduce from your attitude if she should gather her kids and take them home. Again, you didn't say anything to her, so she'd have to judge based on your body language whether the children were welcome.
Actually, I told my daughter to go and grab the towels from her AND told the mom that my daughter was coming over to grab the kid's towel. When my dd opened the gate, she just came in. When one of the little girls asked her mom for a towel, the mom told her it was HER towel, though she did eventually let the kid use it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaytonMomof2
As for coming in and sitting down, did it ever occur to you that she has the same concerns about adult supervision as you do? She may not trust you or your husband to life guard her kids. She may have sat down and stayed just for that reason...to watch her kids! Especially if there was no conversation or socializing between you and this mom.
Well, I have reason to believe this is not the case. Last year, when her girls were only 5 and 7, I spoke with the mom and CLEARLY told her my pool rules were that the girls needed to wear either swimmies or a life vest and that she needed to provide them as I had no extras. I also told her since her girls couldn't swim she needed to come over and watch them in the pool.
Well, she came over with her kids and NO swimmies or life vests. She asked if they could hold on to the side of the pool. I told her as long as she was IN the pool with them. She got in for about 5 minutes, gave her youngest a tube that was too big for her, got out and sat on my lounge chair and READ A BOOK! She wasn't paying attention to the kids at all. Mind you, the ENTIRE pool was over the kid's heads last year as they were smaller.
I did not have them in my pool for the rest of the year. This year I went out and bought a bunch of swimmies myself. The first time they came in the pool the older girl was upset about wearing swimmies. I called the mom and explained to her the swimmies were my rule for children who can not swim, that they MUST remain in the shallow end, and if they wanted to swim without swimmies she would need to come over and REMAIN in the pool the entire time with them. She politely declined.
Not a week goes by, that we don't hear about a drowning death, or near drowning, in the Arizona news. Blame your insurance company, and let your daughters invite friends their age, who know how to swim, as the little ones require too much of your attention.
It's funny how we don't want to make obnoxious people feel uncomfortable, but that uninvited mom needs to be put in her place. It sounds like the kind of problem, Ann Landers or Dear Abby would address.
Last edited by ElizaTeal; 06-25-2010 at 11:57 AM..
wsop,
Thank you for your further explanation. I withdraw all my theories and change my opinion to agreeing with the post that called the woman a skank.
Actually, I told my daughter to go and grab the towels from her AND told the mom that my daughter was coming over to grab the kid's towel. When my dd opened the gate, she just came in. When one of the little girls asked her mom for a towel, the mom told her it was HER towel, though she did eventually let the kid use it.
Well, I have reason to believe this is not the case. Last year, when her girls were only 5 and 7, I spoke with the mom and CLEARLY told her my pool rules were that the girls needed to wear either swimmies or a life vest and that she needed to provide them as I had no extras. I also told her since her girls couldn't swim she needed to come over and watch them in the pool.
Well, she came over with her kids and NO swimmies or life vests. She asked if they could hold on to the side of the pool. I told her as long as she was IN the pool with them. She got in for about 5 minutes, gave her youngest a tube that was too big for her, got out and sat on my lounge chair and READ A BOOK! She wasn't paying attention to the kids at all. Mind you, the ENTIRE pool was over the kid's heads last year as they were smaller.
I did not have them in my pool for the rest of the year. This year I went out and bought a bunch of swimmies myself. The first time they came in the pool the older girl was upset about wearing swimmies. I called the mom and explained to her the swimmies were my rule for children who can not swim, that they MUST remain in the shallow end, and if they wanted to swim without swimmies she would need to come over and REMAIN in the pool the entire time with them. She politely declined.
She must be as confused as I am.
First, HER children are in the pool in your back yard and you don't want her in your back yard. Odd.
But what gets even odder; last year you told her if she wanted her kids in your pool, she needed to be with them, AND IN THE POOL. THIS YEAR you told her in order for her kids to swim in your pool, "she would need to come over and REMAIN in the pool the entire time with them.".
Now you're complaining that she came over ready to swim because her kids were in your pool, and you didn't want her even in your back yard, much less your pool.
If you didn't mind the kids being there, and you made it clear to the mother that she was to be in the pool with them, how can you be mad???
First, HER children are in the pool in your back yard and you don't want her in your back yard. Odd.
But what gets even odder; last year you told her if she wanted her kids in your pool, she needed to be with them, AND IN THE POOL. THIS YEAR you told her in order for her kids to swim in your pool, "she would need to come over and REMAIN in the pool the entire time with them.".
Now you're complaining that she came over ready to swim because her kids were in your pool, and you didn't want her even in your back yard, much less your pool.
If you didn't mind the kids being there, and you made it clear to the mother that she was to be in the pool with them, how can you be mad???
The OP's thought process is mind boggling for sure!
Why would the OP require the mother to be present in the past and suddenly expect the mother to know that she no longer wants the mother there?
Quote:
Originally Posted by wsop
Actually, neither my husband nor I felt put out by the kids. I was going to let them swim for approx. an hour and then send them home. It was the mom showing up that was a real intrusion.
She came up with an idea for a sign to solve a problem that can't be solved----THE MOTHER.
NO MOTHER is going to let a sign stop them from going to see their children while they are swimming in a neighbor's pool!
I would agree with NoExcuses and Hopes except for one MAJOR thing. The mom did not come with the children to swim in the pool as was requested. She came over 20 minutes later. If she was coming over to swim with the children in order to comply with the "be in the pool with your kids" rule, she should have said so. i.e. "Sorry, they left while I was putting my suit on. I'm here to watch them so they don't have to wear the swimmies or stay in the shallow part." "Oh, and, thank you for allowing us to use your pool. My kids really enjoy it over here."
So I ask...wsop, did she make her intentions clear? (I don't wanna be wrong again.)
I would agree with NoExcuses and Hopes except for one MAJOR thing. The mom did not come with the children to swim in the pool as was requested. She came over 20 minutes later. If she was coming over to swim with the children in order to comply with the "be in the pool with your kids" rule, she should have said so. i.e. "Sorry, they left while I was putting my suit on. I'm here to watch them so they don't have to wear the swimmies or stay in the shallow part." "Oh, and, thank you for allowing us to use your pool. My kids really enjoy it over here."
So I ask...wsop, did she make her intentions clear? (I don't wanna be wrong again.)
I'm glad someone understands. She was not invited to swim that day. Her two little ones were not invited to swim. Her older one who my dd is friends with was invited for only an hour because it was fathers day. She just sent her Two little kids to my house in their suits about a half hour after their brother arrived. My dd actually made a big deal about it because they weren't invited. I just told her don't worry about it because they could only stay a half hour. That's when the mom showed up 20 minutes later.
She did not make her intentions known in words. She was not in a suit but made herself comfortable in the chair and covered up with a towel.
Regardless they were NOT INVITED.
I had a best friend growing up who had a pool. I was NEVER allowed to ask to go swimming or to show up at her house in my suit. I was taught this by my mother. I ALWAYS had to wait to be invited.
Today my daughters friend came over. The one with the two lttle sisters I am talking about. He did not come in his suit. He came to play with my dd and did not ask to go in the pool. His mother called a half hour later and asked if we were in the pool and that his sisters wanted to come over and "play"!!!!
I'm glad someone understands. She was not invited to swim that day. Her two little ones were not invited to swim. Her older one who my dd is friends with was invited for only an hour because it was fathers day. She just sent her Two little kids to my house in their suits about a half hour after their brother arrived. My dd actually made a big deal about it because they weren't invited. I just told her don't worry about it because they could only stay a half hour. That's when the mom showed up 20 minutes later.
She did not make her intentions known in words. She was not in a suit but made herself comfortable in the chair and covered up with a towel.
Regardless they were NOT INVITED.
I had a best friend growing up who had a pool. I was NEVER allowed to ask to go swimming or to show up at her house in my suit. I was taught this by my mother. I ALWAYS had to wait to be invited.
Today my daughters friend came over. The one with the two lttle sisters I am talking about. He did not come in his suit. He came to play with my dd and did not ask to go in the pool. His mother called a half hour later and asked if we were in the pool and that his sisters wanted to come over and "play"!!!!
This is just unbelievably rude to me.
How did you respond?
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