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Old 06-24-2010, 11:25 AM
 
Location: Southern NC
2,203 posts, read 5,069,742 times
Reputation: 3833

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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoExcuses View Post
Txtqueen is a grown adult. Her room should be private for the most part.

If she was a teen it would be different.
Then her room should reflect her maturity and be neat and tidy.

OP....my kids had to keep their rooms neat....and they did their own laundry.
In our house it's teamwork and we all had our "chores" to keep the house running smoothly....if things got neglected after a warning or 2....priviledges were lost....luckily, that didn't haqppen often, my girls are pretty much obsessive about having things organized.
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Old 06-24-2010, 12:46 PM
 
Location: Say-Town! Texas
968 posts, read 2,615,268 times
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there are 2 people in this situation, the adult and the child. if the adult wants the child to become a responsible adult, there is no one way to to do that.

you have messy children and you have clean children, but both want their privacy.

you have adults that care about cleanliness and adults that just close the door, and both need to monitor their childrens development.

children deserve personal privacy so long as they have not violated the trust.

so instead of saying "this is my house!" allow your child to say "this is my room" it gives the child a sense of ownership, and allows them to take pride in what is theirs. That will give them more incentive to clean their room without the adult asking.

don't take this as me advocating that they can kick you out. if the child is already yelling at you to “get out!” that means the door needs to come off the hinges.

but if it comes to the parent saying "i own this house! you're a child! and because of that i'm right!" you've established that you would rather play chicken with your child and see who will blink first.

the child needs to understand the positive reasons for having a clean room, like anonchick who took pride in her room, and lead by example by keeping your room clean the way the child should.

That’s just the way I see it.
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Old 06-24-2010, 05:06 PM
 
Location: Australia
1,492 posts, read 3,223,784 times
Reputation: 1723
Teens rooms should be clean and tidy. That does not mean that they do not get messy but they should tidy them up.

We do not specifically have a "no food" rule. But I do not recall food scraps being an issue.
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Old 06-24-2010, 05:25 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,190 posts, read 7,950,662 times
Reputation: 3325
Quote:
Originally Posted by NC~Mom View Post
Then her room should reflect her maturity and be neat and tidy.

OP....my kids had to keep their rooms neat....and they did their own laundry.
In our house it's teamwork and we all had our "chores" to keep the house running smoothly....if things got neglected after a warning or 2....priviledges were lost....luckily, that didn't haqppen often, my girls are pretty much obsessive about having things organized.
Clean and tidy does not reflect maturity.

I do have rules for my room, that my mom has set down.

No dirty dishes in my room. I can come up here and eat dinner alone if I want but I have to bring the dishes down.
I am allowed to have drinks in my room. Usually Gatorade bottles.
No towels on the floor.
I have to get all the trash out of my room for Tuesday morning when the trash comes.

That being said. I have an over abundance of clothes and very little places to put them.

I went from a house in NY with two closets with multiple shelves and hanging room.
To an apartment in Colorado with a huge walk in closet.
To now a rental house with a closet that my clothes are busting out of the seams in.... I not only have to fit 4 seasons of clothes in there but my police gear, my shoes, my ski gear, and my soccer clothes and gear.

So you can imagine who difficult that is to fit all that in there...
There is NO place for any of it in a downstairs closet.
There is NO place for it in the basement, where is won't get all nasty.

So its simply going to have to sit in baskets next to my closet and in the spot on my floor where my dirty clothes go because my hamper broke and I need to get a new one.

The reason my mom is not "allowed" in my room is because she whines about. Not only that but she tries to make me feel like a scum bag for my room being a little messy at me, its the whole nose in the air, oh I have never!!! type attitude or ewww only nasty people live like this...when its FRIKKIN CLOTHES....its not like I have needles and crack pipes and a dead hooker on the floor of my room...

She then picks things up and move them around and then I have no idea where they are.

So until she can come down off her high horse, tilt her head back down and talk to me with out trying to cut me down or make me feel stupid or bad, she isn't welcome to just waltz right in a be a prick about everything.

She does it to my bathroom as well, now half my stuff is missing and she doesn't give a damn that she's the one who lost it....
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Old 06-24-2010, 05:34 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,853 posts, read 35,037,286 times
Reputation: 22693
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnonChick View Post
Well this explains a lot. From the time I was old enough to wipe a polishing cloth on furniture, til I moved out of the house, my room had to be thoroughly cleaned weekly, and kept tidy daily. Food in the bedroom? Are you kidding me? I didn't even have a TV in there. The bedroom was our sanctuary, where we were removed from the rest of the world to either sleep, read, or get dressed in privacy. Even when I had sleep-over parties, we all slept on the living room floor. My room was MY room. My sanctuary, my peace and quiet, my escape. And I was expected to treat it with the respect it was due. Clothing was picked up - if I was being lazy I'd shove it under the bed or in the closet but you'd never see a single stitch of clothing left out for anyone to see. Clothing that I put away, was put away neatly, folded properly and arranged in their correct drawers.

I would polish the furniture twice a month, dust it every week, and run the dust mop through on the floors once a week as well. When I was done with my room, my sister and I would alternate weeks - one week she did the bathroom and I'd vacuum the upstairs hall, living room, and sweep the kitchen and polish the furniture and the bannister. The next week we'd switch.

These weren't "honey please give mommy a hand?" requests. This was just how it was done. We were brought up knowing that it's how it was done, there was no consequence if we refused, because we didn't refuse, because it never occurred to us that refusal was an option.

Kids these days are spoiled rotten. And as I said - that explains a whole lot.
BINGO! We have a winner.

You are right on the money with that one, AnonChick.

20yrsinBranson
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Old 06-24-2010, 05:53 PM
 
2,725 posts, read 5,177,235 times
Reputation: 1963
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post

So until she can come down off her high horse, tilt her head back down and talk to me with out trying to cut me down or make me feel stupid or bad, she isn't welcome to just waltz right in a be a prick about everything.

She does it to my bathroom as well, now half my stuff is missing and she doesn't give a damn that she's the one who lost it....
I still say that while children need to respect their parents, parents should also show respect to their children.
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Old 06-24-2010, 06:59 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,190 posts, read 7,950,662 times
Reputation: 3325
Quote:
Originally Posted by crisan View Post
I still say that while children need to respect their parents, parents should also show respect to their children.
Yep.
And coming into my room and just randomly going through things looking for something or moving things around and cutting me down is not respectful.

And I am never rude when she does it.
I just stand in the middle of my room....which makes it really hard for her to meddle around and get to things until she leaves OR I'll tell her that i'll find it...

I DO have stuff hidden in my room. I DO have a right to hide things at my age. I DO have a right to keep things from her and have some privacy.
I DON'T have to tell her everything.

I have a pregnancy test in one of my drawers.
I DON'T want her to find it.
I DON'T want to hear her flip out, lecture, scream and question.
I DO have a right to remain silent LOL and keep my things hidden and not say a damn thing.
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Old 06-24-2010, 07:03 PM
 
Location: In a house
13,250 posts, read 42,668,791 times
Reputation: 20198
Is it your house? Are you paying rent? Are you contributing financially to the upkeep? Have you invested in the property? Has she quit-claimed the deed over to you? Are you legally responsible for your bedroom, in the event of an accident?

No?

Then it's not your room, and you don't have the right to say who can and cannot go into it.
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Old 06-24-2010, 07:18 PM
 
2,725 posts, read 5,177,235 times
Reputation: 1963
Just to make sure I am clear about what I mean, I agree with these statements, especially the bolded ones.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
Even with my teens I am respectful of their space. I knock on doors. If I need to go into their things I let them know in advance....However, I would balk at being told that I am not "allowed" into a particular part of my house. I do think that respect is a two way street. I expect respect from my kids and I respect them.

Although I would not bust into my adult child's room and poke around in her personal belongings I would bristle at being told that I am not "allowed" in there. It sounds like something a 12 year old would try.....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
Even with my teens I don't go through their stuff unless I am doing something for them (like helping them pack for camp). But it's my house, I am allowed anywhere I want to go.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Orincarnia View Post
children deserve personal privacy so long as they have not violated the trust.

so instead of saying "this is my house!" allow your child to say "this is my room" it gives the child a sense of ownership, and allows them to take pride in what is theirs.

don't take this as me advocating that they can kick you out. if the child is already yelling at you to “get out!” that means the door needs to come off the hinges.

but if it comes to the parent saying "i own this house! you're a child! and because of that i'm right!" you've established that you would rather play chicken with your child and see who will blink first.
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Old 06-24-2010, 07:52 PM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,499,949 times
Reputation: 22471
Quote:
Originally Posted by okpondlady View Post
No wonder you are in the shape you are in. You are so lucky you have your mom and you don't even realize it.
No one tells me I am not ALLOWED somewhere that I own. That is a good way to find your **** in the front yard at my house. My oldest tried it and I explained to her REAL QUICK that she doesn't OWN anything except stuff she purchased herself OR had given to her. She USES her room, furniture, appliances, ect that compose her room. I, in fact, OWN this house and said furniture, appliances, and 99% of the rest of the stuff in "her room." I have a piece of paper that says I do. Needless to say I didn't hear anymore about it either. She is lucky her bed isn't in the living room as far as I am concerned. She is not guaranteed privacy under the Constitution OR any other law. Adequate food, shelter, and clothing until she is 18 years old. If I choose to allow her to stay in her bedroom, so be it. If I choose to buy her name brand clothing, so be it (don't kid yourself, I don't.) If I choose to cook roast and steak she eats good. If I choose to stock my cupboards with mac and cheese and Raman Noodles, at least she has SOMETHING to eat. Sorry I just had to feed the troll. I think I have been very good at ignoring it for quite awhile.
Especially once they're over 18 -- they should know better than to tell me I'm not to enter a room in a house that I pay for.

I might choose not to enter "their" room - but I certainly would if I felt a need to do so. I don't believe in the kind of parenting the Columbine killer kids had where they were making bombs while at home to kill their entire school and the parents never had a clue.

In fact, the less reason they give me to think I should check out the rooms, the less likely I'm inclined to do so, but if one ever told me to stay out, that will be when I don't.
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