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It's an interesting question. The first point is that she actually asked for permission to go. To me that shows a high level of trust and a good relationship. I think for me it would really come down to my kid and how much I trust them. It's not like they actually need to ask my permission to go, they could just lie and go on their own accord. If you trust your child and the decisions that they make, then I would probably agree to let them go as long as it was with a group of friends that were coming and going together and can look out for each other.
I know the dangers and risks involved quite well, but I also know that this is a pretty common thing as well. As long as my child believed that the risks were worth going to the party, then I would agree to it.
The issue of boy vs. girl is an interesting twist. It would be really hard for me to say yes and allow my daughters to go, but I would probably be OK with letting my son go. I know it's a double standard, but that's just how some things are.
I think my opinion would change if my kid had been caught drinking or doing drugs in the past and we had trust issues, but if this was more about curiosity and I had no reason not to trust them, I would let them go. I also certainly wouldn't be the parent calling the cops.
I Have one of each and I'm not too sure there is less worry with boys.
I agree. You worry about them both. Having one of each. I worry just as much about my son making poor decisions or being in the wrong place/wrong time as I did about my daughter.
It's an interesting question. The first point is that she actually asked for permission to go. To me that shows a high level of trust and a good relationship.
Is it possible that the daughter in this situation feels uncomfortable with attending the party and really wants a parent to say no, so she doesn't have to be responsible for the decision?
Is it possible that the daughter in this situation feels uncomfortable with attending the party and really wants a parent to say no, so she doesn't have to be responsible for the decision?
I'd say that's a very distinct possibility. I could generally tell when my kids were asking me things but wanted/needed me to say "no"....
Unsupervised party, with alcohol, out in the middle of nowhere? Not on your life.
Usually what happens after the party is they then post pictures of each other drinking on facebook.....
My son just shakes his head at that stuff. He rarely gets on facebook but about a month ago he turned his laptop around to show me pictures of someone from his class guzzling a beer. He just looked at me and asked how they can be so stupid.
He's a major homebody anyway so parties of any sort aren't his thing, let alone drinking parties. Around here they aren't pit parties - they are at someone's house. Parent gone or checked out I can only guess.
Last edited by WhereTheSidewalkEnds; 07-01-2010 at 10:00 AM..
I know the dangers and risks involved quite well, but I also know that this is a pretty common thing as well. As long as my child believed that the risks were worth going to the party, then I would agree to it.
This is interesting to me from the risk vs reward perspective. What would the reward be to justify the risk? The risk of someone getting hurt, driving drunk, looking stupid on facebook pics (that once published are forever public), getting arrested, doing things they regret later....it would have to be one heck of a reward to take on the risk. I've never heard of a party so good that it was worth that much risk.
Teens often underestimate the amount of risk they are putting themselves in and overestimate the reward involved. As much as I love and trust my teens I KNOW that they won't always evaluate such things appropriately and with such great risks it's up to the parent to help them see reality when they can't see it for themselves.
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but I also know that this is a pretty common thing as well.
Yeah, this sounds too much like "But everyone else is doing it..." for me to go along with. A lot of things teens do are pretty common...and pretty stupid too, sometimes illegal. Sexting and talking/texting while driving are other good examples of things that are pretty common among teens but I can't imagine telling my teens to evaluate the risks and then go ahead if they feel comfortable with it.
I truly believe that teens should not be given too much freedom. Children actually crave discipline. They need structure in their life, they need rules, curfews etc.
I Have one of each and I'm not too sure there is less worry with boys.
Fights break out more easily with guys I think. Also you'd worry that some girl might get drunk, have sex with one or more of the boys, wind up pregnant and point a finger at your son, maybe even falsely accusing him of rape.
YES, you are absolutely correct, 100 percent.....and I do agree with you !!
but I did say I "might", say ok, but highly "unlikley" which in my head is a no.
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