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Hey, so first off - I am not the parent of this kid and the dad situation is a mess (guy went crazy, super fanatical religious now; courts involved, ugh...) however, I am currently living with my girlfriend for a month due to a new job starting, and my own 1 bedroom not being available until August. I have only been living here for a week and already want to move out due to not being able to stand the kid and his lack of respect for his mother and I. Truthfully, the lack of respect for me I could care less about, as I am choosing not to have a relationship with this kid nor take any parental responsibilities more then needed. He constantly bad mouths his mother (calling her a *****, she is PMSing, yelling/screaming, etc.). Today was the last straw for myself due to his lack of respect when he refused to move to the center truck seat after I gave up my seat for an elderly friend and pretty much told me off. I responded that if I did that to any of my brothers growing up, I would be beat by them and that he was an entitled brat who was going to start pulling weight around the apartment for any privileges (I am an awesome cook, and have a big screen TV/Xbox which he is using regularly).
Am I out of line for forcing the kid to work for both my cooking (I figured he needs to either A) Help prepare the meal or B) Help his mom clean up) and the Xbox/TV (thinking regular chores i.e. vacuuming, dusting, clean his bathroom)? I truly don't want a relationship with this kid but I figured some chores might help even out his a$$ and stop the overwhelming urge to pop him in the mouth for his disrepect. Thankfully, I also start work next week and am planning on working OT, and working out regularly to avoid being home as much as possible. Any other chores that I should put in or stipulations?
Probably not going to be happening realistically. Yes it is a good idea but obviously Mom is ok with what is going on..so you are stuck. Lock up your stuff and forget it. Cook for yourself. Ignore the brat.
You're only there for a month and you are trying to lay down rules? And after you go?
Never going to work, the kid is gonna blow you off if you aren't going to be sticking around later to enforce the rules. Why cause friction if you're just 'passing through'? His behavior is an issue for his parents to deal with.
Perfectly okay to insist that he show you respect while you are there, but anything more than that is out of line IMO.
I was going to say as an outsider you really dont have any say in the parenting of someone elses child or teen . The mom needs to put her foot down and from what you say she has not done at all if any . I hope she does at some point get a backbone and dispiline but it sounds as if this boy has been raised without any disipline .
It depends on whether or not you intend on a long term relationship with the boy's mother and how involved you want to be in raising this child. Mom and Dad clearly haven't given this child any disipline or taught him to respect others. That is asking for nothing but trouble. Next Mom will be bailing him out of jail.
That being said, I would never mind the kid and talk with your girlfriend. If she is willling to change her parenting style and start disiplining the child, then decide how much involvement you are going to have with the situation. Then present an united front and let the child know there is a new set of rules in the home. If you aren't going to be that involved, I'd stay out of it all together. Decide at which point you need to get yourself out of any conflict and leave until it settles. Mom needs to face up to the situation she has created (Dad too but it sounds like he isn't that involved at this point, unless I'm wrong). Either way, it sounds like this family could use some counseling.
Lock up the Xbox and tv, and let his mother cook for him.
Sorry, you're in no position to force any kind of discipline.
What forcing discipline?
If the kid wants the privilege of using this guy's stuff, he follows the rule the guy lays out. Or not. I don't see where there's any force.
As for doing chores, why bother, one month and it'll all be back to "normal". But I would insist that lack of respect gets a no privilege of x-box or tv. First time he dissed me, that would be it for the day.
Yes,you should expect this kid to respect you while you're there. If he cant talk right while you are there, no tv. A few mintes of chores to earn the dinner you cooked, fine. But you are wasting your time. As far as in the long run. As soon as you leave the kid will be back to his normal antics. His mom has allowed this behavior and only she can change it.
Getting past all the blah, blah, blah -- the bottom line is that by the age of 15, a child should be prepared to contribute to their family grouping, and their community, irregardless of accompanying privileges.
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