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I'm confused. Why should an adult not be able to enjoy his/her experience just because said adult is in a place where children are "enjoying themselves" also?
I'm raising my children to behave and be respectful to others around them (child or adult) when in a public place - doesn't matter if it's a swim park or a movie theater or a house of worship. Too many parents don't seem to understand that not everyone thinks their kid is as cute, funny, sweet, can do no wrong, etc. as they do. And not everyone thinks having fun as a kid has to equal or include screaming, running, jumping, etc.
As far as politely requesting a child to stop a behavior that is annoying me as an adult, I politely say, "hey, knock it off".
With respect to the swimming "incident", not everyone wants to be splashed when it's not by accident. I know I don't. As far as being "dived on" goes while trying to swim a "lap", if it was on purpose than it was rude. If these boys were 7-8 years old they should have been supervised. They aren't old enough to be left alone and I highly doubt they are experienced enough swimmers at that age to be left alone.
If I were an eight year old at the pool or lake I would probably assume that the other people were there for the same reason as me, to get wet and have fun.
Kids aren't stupid, they can read your attitude.
There are all sorts of ways to get wet and have fun at the pool.
Being wildly splashed on by out of control kids - not one that all people will go for.
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Originally Posted by crisan
Although there was one mom who made it clear that she was there for her daughter and she did roam all over the park come to think of it.
As for the above line as well as the ending one...how I wish this blind "kid worship" attitude could somehow be outlawed in this country because there is a nauseating volume floating around. Kids are ultimately people, with no more rights than the other kind of people, namely adults.
In fact, they should have fewer rights - particularly those involving judgment.
As such, children should be raised as members of society, not as kings to rule over the adult world.
And with the mom from the group you mentioned, why the heck do you even still keep her in the group? The woman supposedly "joins a group" just to have an audience for her "My daughter is too important for me" show?
Bleahhhhhh. (Could not find the vomit sign, insert as needed).
I absolutely encourage interaction with other children which she does well, but if she doesn't like another child, she is not forced to play with them.
People don't talk like this even about the proverbial Indian "forced marriage".
I mean, gee, if a child really has an "allergy" to another child, by all means he shouldn't be forced to play with him; but that is not the case in the vast majority of the situations.
Parents just ignore others and thus they teach their kids that "others" are there to be ignored. I see this attitude DAILY at the playground. Not weekly.
DAI-LY.
And not everybody comes in "safely" organized, previously arranged groups at the playground; in fact most people go there by themselves, with the children; and you would think they would seek some sort of play companion for their kids, through other parents present. Yet this is rarely the case because our contemporaries are no longer capable of anything spontaneous anymore, least of all social interaction.
This is a sign of degeneration as far as I am concerned.
There are all sorts of ways to get wet and have fun at the pool.
Being wildly splashed on by out of control kids - not one that all people will go for.
So, how does a group of three boys "swimming around the pool, splashing with their kicks" suddenly turn into "Being wildly splashed on by out of control kids." They were swimming! In the pool! Oh my!
Sorry, I'm pretty old school. Not part of the kid worshiping, hovering over their every move craze. (Not sure how saying that kids are smart enough to know when adults are being rude or condescending is considered kid worshiping?) OTOH I'm not a part of the crowd that thinks all kids are shrieking hooligans out to cause mayhem wherever they go.
The showing respect thing goes both ways, and adults are not automatically in the right just because they are adults. It is unreasonable to go to a pool where children are allowed and expect that you will not get splashed. It is unreasonable to expect that you get to use the pool just for yourself and that other people shouldn't use it because you were there first.
I feel that the OP was out of line in expecting other people to conform to her unreasonable expectations at a public pool. If it had been a group of adults that accidentally splashed her while swimming would she have responded in the same way, or did she let her annoyance show because they were just kids?
I've been around enough kids to see that they don't usually go out of their way to deliberately annoy others just for the fun of it.
If the boys retaliated by jumping and diving deliberately to annoy the OP then she has reason to be upset by that, and they were in the wrong for doing it. But that makes me wonder what the boys felt they were retaliating for.
I've been around enough kids to see that they don't usually go out of their way to deliberately annoy others just for the fun of it.
Depends on the kid. Even bullying isn't for "the fun of it", it runs much deeper.
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If the boys retaliated by jumping and diving deliberately to annoy the OP then she has reason to be upset by that, and they were in the wrong for doing it. But that makes me wonder what the boys felt they were retaliating for.
At that age, and in this specific situation, they shouldn't be retaliating against anything. There was no reason to.
Here's what I can't stand: hands off, go bother someone else as long as it isn't me "parenting". And there is way too much of that all over the place.
I definitely see both sides of this. It is unrealistic to expect to go to a public pool and not have kids yelling and splashing.
However, I always supervise my kids swimming, whether there is a lifeguard or not. I also teach them to be aware of their surroundings and aware if they are annoying other people. I teach them to try to avoid adults that are just swimming laps. I don't think this is too much to ask.
I guess I'm just too paranoid about predators to leave my kids unattended.
I agree-while kids are supposed to splash and play, it's the parent's job to teach them how to do it appropriately. There were times when I had to tell my boys (at the city pool) 'don't splash others who are just swimming. Go splash over there where you won't bother others'. Kids have to be taught that.
I also think the boys, in the OP's post, were too young to be there unattended. That's not even allowed at my city's pool (unless you're over 12).
People don't talk like this even about the proverbial Indian "forced marriage".
.
I go to the park often and don't invite anybody from my group. I always end up talking to somebody at the park.
Of course they don't say force. But they do say:
1. "Why don't you go and play with him" after the child has clearly shown that he would rather not.
2. "Oh, they are just playing around with you."
3. "Share your ball." after the other kid clearly was in the wrong of taking it in the first place.
This is why I meet up with my organized group to begin with. We don't tell our kids to stuff their feelings and deal. We don't force them to say "thank you" "please" "hi" or make them share. We expect them to learn this from us or just figure it out on their own. We expect them to see and experience what a good relationship looks like based on our relationships to our spouses and others.
My daughter shared yesterday with an 8 month old and I never said "Good sharing!" or told her to do it. My group "gets" this and some come from opposite backgrounds in which their parents taught them to listen to any adult just for the sake of being polite. I don't agree with this. I think kids should listen to their guts. I believe mine in particular errs on the side that is good for all concerned. If my daughter wants to talk to somebody, she needs to initiate contact and not depend on me telling her to say "hi" to that person.
In regards to the kids she didn't like at the park, it has happened that there is only one family there. Why? Because it is too hot. That is why my group doesn't join me. Two girls, 4 and 2, would watch where my daughter was going and as soon as they would see her walking to an activity center, they would rush in, start playing and make squinting eyes. They took her ball from her and repeated the squinting eyes. I went up to them and said "Hey, that ball is not yours. Now give it back." The mother was on her phone the whole time.
Rare occasion but after that I trusted my daughter that she could figure out the misbehaving kids. She was too small to defend herself but she definitely stayed away from them and made grunting noises when they would come near.
ETA: Why do we "let" the other woman into our group? Because we are not exclusive. We are inclusive. However, it doesn't mean she will find what she is looking for, e.g. a deep connection to one of the moms. If her behavior is really her way of saying, "I am not confident, I am not worthy, I need somebody to make me feel accepted" then there is really nothing we can do. Why kick her when she is down? That is why we don't tell her to go and find another group.
She has to put some effort to feel part of the group. She hasn't asked for help, so we mind our own business.
When someone responds with so much vehemence or self-defense to other's observations, I really have to wonder if there isn't a nerve being touched. I am sorry to have offended you. I stated the case as I saw it, without intending to harm anyone.
In fact, I DO like kids, and I hope for each and every one of them an opportunity to grow up in a world where they are respected through ALL ages of their lives. For some reason, we seem to have made our world one where the different ages, ethnicities, (pick your group) are at odds with one another.
Frankly, given the responses of many representing themselves as parents here, I don't wonder that the children are rude. After all, kids learn more from examples that instructions.
I hope someday you feel the compassion toward older adults that you seem to heap upon youngsters, now. For my part, I would like to give all of you the benefit of the doubt that there is still a chance you can look outside yourselves and be considerate of those unknown to you.
But that makes me wonder what the boys felt they were retaliating for.
Oh, yes - that question again. What were they "feeling"?
I am sure a "feeling" can always be found to justify a kid being able to be the jerk that he could have never been in the past, "feeling" or not.
When someone responds with so much vehemence or self-defense to other's observations, I really have to wonder if there isn't a nerve being touched. I am sorry to have offended you. I stated the case as I saw it, without intending to harm anyone.
In fact, I DO like kids, and I hope for each and every one of them an opportunity to grow up in a world where they are respected through ALL ages of their lives. For some reason, we seem to have made our world one where the different ages, ethnicities, (pick your group) are at odds with one another.
Frankly, given the responses of many representing themselves as parents here, I don't wonder that the children are rude. After all, kids learn more from examples that instructions.
I hope someday you feel the compassion toward older adults that you seem to heap upon youngsters, now. For my part, I would like to give all of you the benefit of the doubt that there is still a chance you can look outside yourselves and be considerate of those unknown to you.
It's quite obvious you were only looking for people to agree with you when you posted and can't handle those that disagree.
If kids learn from exampe the only thing they are learning from you is how to be a grumpy nag.
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