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Hmm. So much to say here. The splashing boys should have been gently reminded by a parent that while they're having fun, they should be mindful of others around them, especially their elders. It really is that simple.
And I don't agree with the point that bad behavior should never be dealt in a way that makes a child feel shame or pain. We learn from shame and pain, and if an old-enough-to-know better child is disregarding the standards of acceptable behavior, sometimes a little guilt is in order.
I'm around children all of the time, and most of them are terrific kids, but more and more often, what would have been seen as anti-social behavior is considered acceptable. For example, I was at a restaurant with a friend and our girls recently, and I watched the other mother do nothing while her eleven-year-old was singing a television commercial jingle loudly at the top of her lungs. She didn't want to embarrass her daughter in front of my girls, so everyone nearby who paid to enjoy a relaxing meal had to deal with this clearly anti-social behavior.
I hate that excuse. The "I don't want to embarrass my kid in public".
Your child is embarrassing themselves. Do something about it!
A good friend of mine is of that mind "no shame, pain, guilt or embarrassment". People cringe when they see her coming with her kids.
3 8yo boys ruined your visit because they were playing in the pool? Wasn't this a public pool? And I am correct that they were 7-8 years old? Don't get me wrong, I expect my child to know how to behave in public as well but this is a public pool and I would expect kids their age to splash and "have fun".
this is kind of what I was thinking. It is hard to tell by your story if they really were crossing a line and being rude, or if they were just kids having fun at a public pool. FWIW when I take my kids into a spa I make them sit still if other adults are in it. A larger swimming pool is for swimming and I'd expect to get splashed.
If the boys deliberately antagonized the op, as she said they did, it absolutely was anti-social behavior, and pretty aggressively so. If they just got caught up in playing and weren't paying attention, it was time for them to be, as I said, "gently reminded" to look out for others' comfort. In any case, I think the point is that children need to be taught by their parents how to share public spaces appropriately.
I'm going to have to go back and re-read...I wasn't pointing you out specifically, please don't think so.
I'm of the mind that adults and their comfort win out over a kid being obnoxious, even in play. That goes for screaming, yelling, jumping, running, etc.
I was at dinner at my in-laws house and my SIL was there with her out of control kids. We had spent several hours visiting, not letting our kids watch a movie (b/c her kids aren't allowed to watch tv), not letting our kids play their games that they brought because her kids aren't allowed to play hand-held video games and she really preferred it if her children didn't even have to see one up close and personal). So by the time dinner came around I had had it, my kids were asking when we could leave and my husband was running out of things he could buy me for keeping my mouth shut one second longer. SIL is the baby of the family who does no wrong and anytime any of her siblings have a problem with her, the parents get involved to protect her.
Kids ate first, adults sat down after. One of her kids decided to run from the family room, through the kitchen, run into a cabinet, turn around and do it all over again. Screeching every step of the way. Completely annoying. Finally my father in law said something to his grandson ( neither my SIL or BIL were about to because their little Lucifer "learns through play"). He asked him to "please stop running, we're trying to eat and you're going to get hurt". SIL says, "no he's fine and I don't mind". Me? I said (in a very playful and joking manner and made a funny face at the kid when I said it), "Lucifer, you better knock it off or I'm going to knock you out". Kid stopped in his tracks, looked at me and his mother (SIL) said, "Lucifer, Aunt Sawdust is only kidding". I looked at her and said very seriously, "No really, I'm not".
Haven't talked in a few years - but I hear Lucifer is still just as annoying and out of control as ever, he's just a little older.
That is a funny story and, no, I didn't think you were pointing me out specifically. I was just admitting that I jumped to conclusions and decided to skip that paragraph.
I read your other post about the "no pain, no shame or embarrassment." I also believe that because I believe it doesn't have to come from the parent. If my daughter did wrong, she will be told what she did wrong, expect to tell the people she wronged why she was wrong and expected to tell them how she should have handled the situation better. Then find a way for her to do something for the person she wronged to make things right. I believe she will experience pain, shame and embarrassment this way.
As far as the boys, I would have moved to another pool. If they followed me, I would have told them "Hey, we left to give you space. Now give us ours."
Furthermore, I can't understand why people think that a parent needs to be literally NEXT to children who are capable swimmers. Just because the OP didn't see the parents doesn't mean that the parents were not there. When I would take my children to the pool, I only stayed near them when they were little. But once they were capable swimmers, I would often be elsewhere in the pool or laying on the towel. They knew how to find me when they needed me----usually for money. LOL
Eventually, they became old enough to go to the pool on their own, without any adult. Our township even had a bus that would drive children back and forth to the pool, which validates that our township supports the belief that children do not need to have an adult present to swim in a public pool once they are capable swimmers. And this isn't a new change in our society. My township had "adult swim" and "pool busses" even back when I was in elementary school.
I would be within earshot of my 7-8 yos because, frankly. I don't know that every adult they come across is benign-- and at that age, I don't expect them to be able to make that judgment call themselves. Nor do I expect them to always be well-behaved, at eight...hence grown-up supervision.
If it had been my kids, I would have made them stay away from the cranky grown-ups. Little Johnny is absolutely a child, and expected to act like a child-- but he's also not allowed to be disrespectful to adults.
Well, MY little Johnny, anyway. The little terrorists across the street...not so much.
An afterthought: why do all parents seem to be so good with the theory, yet wherever you go, you see way too many kids whose all around attitude and behavior suck?
Not sure what theory was referred to but that is because some parents do allow kids to run all over them or treat them any way they wish. Like I said, it is okay to have negative feelings, what you do with them is what matters. Many don't teach the second part properly because some parents themselves are not role models for the second part. They are too focused on the feelings part even their own feelings which they might be picking up from their kids.
What I really want to know is if the place was really empty. The OP makes it sound like it. If so, then the boys could have chosen another pool. If not, and other little pools were occupied, they probably chose the one with the friendliest looking people or the one with the least amount of people.
An afterthought: why do all parents seem to be so good with the theory, yet wherever you go, you see way too many kids whose all around attitude and behavior suck?
Presumably most people who aren't interested in actually doing some parenting aren't interested in discussing it, so your statistics are skewed.
If the boys deliberately antagonized the op, as she said they did, it absolutely was anti-social behavior, and pretty aggressively so. If they just got caught up in playing and weren't paying attention, it was time for them to be, as I said, "gently reminded" to look out for others' comfort. In any case, I think the point is that children need to be taught by their parents how to share public spaces appropriately.
I don't believe OP. Especially since SHE followed THEM after they left the pool at HER request.
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