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I'm not even from "that" generation... I think its the Millennials that are said to have the helicopter parents. I'm a Gen X'er and enjoyed being autonomous for over a decade by moving almost two thousand miles away. Now I moved in the next town over from my father because of economic reasons and also missing living in the country. Also wanted to be closer if he needed me as he got older. However as much as I love him he's driving me crazy now that he's retired. He remarried but she's 15 years younger, very mentally disturbed woman and not nice to be around anyway but most of the time she works 12 hrs a day leaving him at home alone. He seriously is so bored/lonely or something that he offers to drive 30 miles to take my trash out because he doesn't want me "going up and down the stairs so much".
If he doesn't hear from me within a 2 day period he is calling to check up on me. He comes up with odd reasons to call and begs me to come over & come "sit with him". But I stay busy, have nothing in common with him or any of my family for that matter. For added insult he treats me a 40+ woman as a child just because I am a woman and if I mention like oh I need to go to a certain store which is in a nearby big city he thinks because I'm a woman I couldn't possibly drive there alone (though I do all the time) and he insists he should take me. If I mention I'm going out with a friend he gets angry (probably jealous).
So I kinda feel like this is similar to what the younger people experience with helicopter parents. I'm really curious how often other people keep in contact with their parents and how do you gracefully go about your own business when they get too intrusive. He expects a call or email daily and no he won't do texting. He really wants me to visit every time I go into his town which is every 1-2 days because my gym membership is in that town because there are no gyms where I live. I think its ridiculous in that instance to expect daily visits because then I can't get back from the gym at a reasonable hour and cook my own supper.
How do others deal with living so close to parents? It doesn't help I am an only child and he has no one else to bug.
Last edited by mtneer; 07-05-2010 at 12:00 PM..
Reason: typos
Go to college several thousand miles from home. Worked for me, even though I didn't have helicopter parents. You're just forced to fend for yourself and realize that it isn't so difficult.
I'm not even from "that" generation... I think its the Millennials that are said to have the helicopter parents. I'm a Gen X'er and enjoyed being autonomous for over a decade by moving almost two thousand miles away. Now I moved in the next town over from my father because of economic reasons and also missing living in the country. Also wanted to be closer if he needed me as he got older. However as much as I love him he's driving me crazy now that he's retired. He remarried but she's 15 years younger, very mentally disturbed woman and not nice to be around anyway but most of the time she works 12 hrs a day leaving him at home alone. He seriously is so bored/lonely or something that he offers to drive 30 miles to take my trash out because he doesn't want me "going up and down the stairs so much".
If he doesn't hear from me within a 2 day period he is calling to check up on me. He comes up with odd reasons to call and begs me to come over & come "sit with him". But I stay busy, have nothing in common with him or any of my family for that matter. For added insult he treats me a 40+ woman as a child just because I am a woman and if I mention like oh I need to go to a certain store which is in a nearby big city he thinks because I'm a woman I couldn't possibly drive there alone (though I do all the time) and he insists he should take me. If I mention I'm going out with a friend he gets angry (probably jealous).
So I kinda feel like this is similar to what the younger people experience with helicopter parents. I'm really curious how often other people keep in contact with their parents and how do you gracefully go about your own business when they get too intrusive. He expects a call or email daily and no he won't do texting. He really wants me to visit every time I go into his town which is every 1-2 days because my gym membership is in that town because there are no gyms where I live. I think its ridiculous in that instance to expect daily visits because then I can't get back from the gym at a reasonable hour and cook my own supper.
How do others deal with living so close to parents? It doesn't help I am an only child and he has no one else to bug.
I wish/pray everyday that my parents were alive today 'helicoptering' over me as you consider your dad to be doing.If your father wasn't showing concern about you then you'd probably be still complaining.It's seems like us kids are never ever satisfied no matter what our families do.
Go to college several thousand miles from home. Worked for me, even though I didn't have helicopter parents. You're just forced to fend for yourself and realize that it isn't so difficult.
Did you miss the part where she said she is a 40+ woman?
I think her college days are long gone and she has a job/career and no need for more college.
He's using you to fill in the gaps. Go over there and complain to him about the crazy woman he married. Next time he's lonely, he won't be so quick to call you.
First, be happy that his wife is working and not just spending his money.
Second, he's lonely. There's a difference between helicopter parents and what your dad is doing. He's not doing it for control or to manipulate your life. He's reaching out to the only one he has to fill the emptiness he has in his life.
Perhaps while you were away, he realized that he would never have another chance to get close to you. Perhaps he needs that closeness now. You DID say you moved back to be nearer to him because of his age.
Let him know that you are a busy, independent person, and make regular time to spend with him that is convenient for both of you. Encourage him to get involved with other seniors in his area. Maybe you could find a center where seniors get together or help him set up a group of people he knows, or people from the neighborhood. Encourage him to find a hobby doing something that is enjoyable for him.
First, be happy that his wife is working and not just spending his money.
Second, he's lonely. There's a difference between helicopter parents and what your dad is doing. He's not doing it for control or to manipulate your life. He's reaching out to the only one he has to fill the emptiness he has in his life.
Perhaps while you were away, he realized that he would never have another chance to get close to you. Perhaps he needs that closeness now. You DID say you moved back to be nearer to him because of his age.
Let him know that you are a busy, independent person, and make regular time to spend with him that is convenient for both of you. Encourage him to get involved with other seniors in his area. Maybe you could find a center where seniors get together or help him set up a group of people he knows, or people from the neighborhood. Encourage him to find a hobby doing something that is enjoyable for him.
Great advice and a great post. Your Dad sounds lonely, his "crazy" wife isn't much of a help with his loneliness, obviously and you are his only child.
It sounds like you should thank your lucky stars that you have time to spend with him.
A lot of other people, myself included, lost parents when we were only in our twenties or earlier even.
Take a moment to consider the fact that he is not going to be here forever. You need to make time for him when it works for you and be firm and loving about it.
Help him find some activities and friends his age, he needs some.
Great advice and a great post. Your Dad sounds lonely, his "crazy" wife isn't much of a help with his loneliness, obviously and you are his only child.
It sounds like you should thank your lucky stars that you have time to spend with him.
A lot of other people, myself included, lost parents when we were only in our twenties or earlier even.
Take a moment to consider the fact that he is not going to be here forever. You need to make time for him when it works for you and be firm and loving about it.
Help him find some activities and friends his age, he needs some.
As many of you wrote the obvious answer would be to help him find activities. But that's not working because never in his life has he had any hobbies or really any friends. I sorta think he has Aspergers syndrome because of that and several other reasons. According to his wife he has had several men his age from work and church ask him to join them for dinner outings and fishing. But he won't go! He has no hobbies at all. I have tried to encourage him to even work out at the gym I go to because it would be healthy for him and give him somewhere else to be during the day besides home. I've given him free passes and he steadfastly refuses. He worked all his life sometimes 2 different jobs and now that he has retired finally in his mid-70's he came home and retired to the recliner. He sits in his recliner and he doesn't even watch tv, he stares at a freaking blank screen! Or he gets out of bed, eats breakfast then naps in the recliner. Or he plays this Solitare video game over and over and over for hours at night. If I go over he will talk a very few minutes then will sit and play his video Solitare game while you sit there. He won't watch a dvd or tv show with you because he doesn't like the sound on so you have to sit with the screen on and no sound. (I think he has sensory issues another sign of Aspergers).
If I even mention I might go fishing with a friend he gets mad. Yet if I take him fishing in less than 30 mins he is whining because he wants to go home. He complains because he doesn't catch anything yet he also is fishing on dull, rusty fishing hooks that are 40 years old because he refuses to buy new tackle (and he is very well off). He's always been like this--oh someone mentioned I should go to college well when I was going to college in my early 20's I lived at home with him because he begged me to and he would get angry/jealous if another person my age either male or female called me on the phone and pitched major fits if I even went for pizza with a friend!!!!
I can't stand to be around him because he does nothing. And I have nothing in common with him. He hates everything I do and most especially dislikes my number one interest which is martial arts because he thinks I should quit being friends with so many d@## foreigners (meaning Asians). He's prejudice bigot and his wife has got him into this weird cult-like church so its sheer torture to visit with him between his attitude and his boring lack of interests. I don't know how to deal with him and I feel sorry for him!
Maybe it's a depression problem. That's what it sounds like to me.
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He won't watch a dvd or tv show with you because he doesn't like the sound on so you have to sit with the screen on and no sound. (I think he has sensory issues another sign of Aspergers).
well when I was going to college in my early 20's I lived at home with him because he begged me to and he would get angry/jealous if another person my age either male or female called me on the phone and pitched major fits if I even went for pizza with a friend!!!!
