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What would you do if the cops showed up at your house at 10am asking for your 20 year old daughter and inquiring about a firework prank the night before?
Turns out some of your sons friends went with your daughter and her friend to set off a firework in front of some guys house they knew and hated and the firework left damage on their front door?
Say she lied to the cop and avoided getting out of trouble and got away with it.
Would there be any punishment at home from you(the parent)?
And what would you do? Say you paid for most her stuff...would you do something like take her cell phone away?
I've had that happen but for a different reason. My 2 oldest sons went thru a criminal phase at ages 12+14. They decided that one of our neighbor's Halloween decorations needed a little more pizazz, so being the kind hearted types, they borrowed decorations from another house to correct the problem. At 2am when the police brought them home I asked what options were available. You should have seen their faces when I chose the 'arrest them' option! Even the cop was surprised. Not only were they arrested, they enjoyed a strip search and de-lousing. After their release, we went to visit the neighbor they had 'borrowed' from. They confessed, apologized,and then listened while we discussed additional punishment. Yard work was the winner, every Saturday for 2 months, they belonged to our neighborhood. They got into trouble a couple more times before they realized that I meant business. Now, they are polite, respectful, law-abiding young men. My point? Don't let your daughter 'get away with it'. At 20 she's old enough to handle the fallout from her behavior. She may hate you for a while but she'll thank you in the future. Put on your big girl panties and turn the kid in, you'll be doing her a favor.
Which goes along with what my parents told me 40 years ago: Don't bother calling us at two in the morning to come bail you out of jail because we will not be getting out of bed.
I later put that sentiment to good use myself. They knew the best way to not have to call from jail was to not get stupid enough to do something that will PUT you in jail.
At 2am when the police brought them home I asked what options were available. You should have seen their faces when I chose the 'arrest them' option! Even the cop was surprised. Not only were they arrested, they enjoyed a strip search and de-lousing. After their release, we went to visit the neighbor they had 'borrowed' from. They confessed, apologized,and then listened while we discussed additional punishment. Yard work was the winner, every Saturday for 2 months, they belonged to our neighborhood. They got into trouble a couple more times before they realized that I meant business. Now, they are polite, respectful, law-abiding young men. My point? Don't let your daughter 'get away with it'. At 20 she's old enough to handle the fallout from her behavior. She may hate you for a while but she'll thank you in the future. Put on your big girl panties and turn the kid in, you'll be doing her a favor.
This solution sounds MUCH MUCH more like what I would be doing. You can bet your sweet behind that I would NOT be the one collecting money and donating it anonymously. NO DANG WAY! The reason even to Police Officer was surprised is because they are so used to PARENTS getting their kids out of trouble any way they can.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn
Which goes along with what my parents told me 40 years ago: Don't bother calling us at two in the morning to come bail you out of jail because we will not be getting out of bed.
I later put that sentiment to good use myself. They knew the best way to not have to call from jail was to not get stupid enough to do something that will PUT you in jail.
If you are not prepared to be an adult, don't do adult acts. YOU will be reaping the rewards of YOUR behavior.
Don't call me from jail. (and expect me to get you out.)
Don't call me for bail. (Ditto)
Don't come home pregnant (I have both girls) YOU will be raising your child with your bf, s.o. whatever he is.
Don't think you are going to hit me, I WILL hit you back just like I would another adult.
Yes I am mean, I believe in "Natural Consequences."
Just me...
Well, when I have kids and they are 18+ I will not bail them out of jail.
They are an adult and can handle the things they will see and hear in there.
But since I am going to be a police officer, MY kids, who will be living at MY house, at MY address doesn't sit well with me with them in a facility with other kids who I will have arrested or are involved in that kind of stuff.
Hopefully when I have kids that I raise normal teenagers, who are good kids and don't get into big enough trouble to get put into juvie.
But I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving them in there where they could be assaulted because they were my child and I was a cop and the other kids in there have a grudge against me or where they can get information out of my kid such as addresses etc.
I would be getting them out as soon as possible just for their safety and the rest of my family's safety.
I feel those reasons are justified.
I wouldn't want my kid to sit in a place where he/she would get hurt because of who I was.
Or I wouldn't want people to beat information out of them to get back at me or hurt me.
I also would not want them around those kinds of people in there.
Not all kids who get taken to juvie are "criminals". Some are party hard rich kids, who aren't "bad people" or have the kind of mentality of those kids in gangs, they are the spoiled entitled party type who are good people just stupid.
I have seen those kinds of places. You have different types of people in there. The first type are teenagers who live adult lives and have the "hard-knock" life syndrome, they are mean, cruel people who do stuff to hurt others. The second type are teenagers who are good kids but made a mistake. Like a cheerleader getting caught drinking at a prom party. If you think about, the cheerleader probably gets A's, B's or C's, is involved in school etc, has good morals (you can drink and have good morals), etc.
Do they really need to be exposed to some delinquents in juvie who got caught shooting up hard core drugs or other more serious crimes?
Call it paranoid but it happens. And no matter what my kid did, I would not want them in a place like that unless it was pretty bad.
But if they were caught drinking, smoking weed, along the lines of that I would want them returned back to me for me to deal with.
My mom would bail me out if I needed her to. I've never been arrested and I do not plan on it ever.
[quote=okpondlady;14972003]This solution sounds MUCH MUCH more like what I would be doing. You can bet your sweet behind that I would NOT be the one collecting money and donating it anonymously. NO DANG WAY! The reason even to Police Officer was surprised is because they are so used to PARENTS getting their kids out of trouble any way they can. QUOTE]
I think with 12-14 yr old boys that was a good approach.
With a 20 yr old daughter who is possibly working, going to school and seems to be easily influenced by peers I'm not so certain I would do the same.
Most likely it would have been or can still be a misdemeanor charge which if there were no previous problems would have resulted in paying part of the damages and/or community service. Then there would be a record.
A stupid, stupid mistake--driving around in the rain on the 4th of July with those who sound immature and ill informed of potential consequences of childish actions.
I know I would take steps to review legal and moral responsibilities.
Maybe there is more to the story--it is really not always good to elaborate online. jmo.
Call it paranoid but it happens. And no matter what my kid did, I would not want them in a place like that unless it was pretty bad.
But if they were caught drinking, smoking weed, along the lines of that I would want them returned back to me for me to deal with.
My mom would bail me out if I needed her to. I've never been arrested and I do not plan on it ever.
The trick is to not let minor children know that you would get them out. You tell them point blank "If you get arrested, I'm NOT coming for you."
That sort of scares them into thinking twice about doing something stupid.
Furthermore, leaving them sit for at least one night in jail isn't going to hurt anyone---even a child of a police officer.
You raise them right as minors and they're not as likely to end up in that situation as young adults.
Don't pay any attention to the dumb asses here telling you to turn in your daughter.. She could end up with a record over something that was nothing more than a prank... Just sit her down and explain to her the trouble that she could get into if someone had been hurt...
Some of you people here are just plain Talking STUPID... Didn't you ever pull a prank when you were younger? I think some of you need to grow up as much as you think her daughter needs to!
Don't pay any attention to the dumb asses here telling you to turn in your daughter.. She could end up with a record over something that was nothing more than a prank... Just sit her down and explain to her the trouble that she could get into if someone had been hurt...
Some of you people here are just plain Talking STUPID... Didn't you ever pull a prank when you were younger? I think some of you need to grow up as much as you think her daughter needs to!
No. Nothing where anyone got hurt or property was damaged. I was taught better as a child. Maybe I wasn't "In" or "Having fun" but there are limits to what should be done in the name of fun. Pranks can be dangerous and get out of hand VERY easily. Taking responsibility for your actions is something that children should learn very early. It is part of growing up for most people so by the time they are of age it is just something you do.
Having said that I will say, Yes I hung out with friends. Yes I did some partying in college. And Yes there was a few things that I did that I am not proud of. I have always said I never got into any sort of trouble that I couldn't get myself out of EXCEPT my marriage. When I finally dropped the loser and got divorced my Daddy paid the $1500 for us. I paid him back within a year. It was the best investment I ever made.
Don't pay any attention to the dumb asses here telling you to turn in your daughter.. She could end up with a record over something that was nothing more than a prank... Just sit her down and explain to her the trouble that she could get into if someone had been hurt...
Some of you people here are just plain Talking STUPID... Didn't you ever pull a prank when you were younger? I think some of you need to grow up as much as you think her daughter needs to!
DUMBASSES? STUPID? First, I must say, it has long been my experience that when people resort to name calling to prove a point it's because they didn't have a valid one to begin with. Yes, I admit to moments of Dumbass, we all have them. It's called being human. As for stupid, I suffer from bouts of that on occasion as well. Once again, part of being human. In reality I'm a married, well educated, well traveled 54yr young mother of 5. Of those 5 great kids, one is handicapped, two are in college and two are in high school. Frankly, I prefer to think of myself as a caring parent that is willing to do what it takes in order to help my kids grow into strong, confident, caring, respectful adults. If that means being the bad guy at times, well, that's part of the job. I make no apologies. Yes, I've made a few mistakes. I also learned from them. Now, if you would please enlighten us to your background. You know, the parts that qualify you to judge the rest of us.
No. Nothing where anyone got hurt or property was damaged. I was taught better as a child. Maybe I wasn't "In" or "Having fun" but there are limits to what should be done in the name of fun. Pranks can be dangerous and get out of hand VERY easily. Taking responsibility for your actions is something that children should learn very early. It is part of growing up for most people so by the time they are of age it is just something you do.
Having said that I will say, Yes I hung out with friends. Yes I did some partying in college. And Yes there was a few things that I did that I am not proud of. I have always said I never got into any sort of trouble that I couldn't get myself out of EXCEPT my marriage. When I finally dropped the loser and got divorced my Daddy paid the $1500 for us. I paid him back within a year. It was the best investment I ever made.
Coming of age in the 'Wonder Years' I would never have thought of playing a prank. I was the sort of girl who might not have known much about the law and been reluctant to speak up.
It's hard to advise someone else from a distance.
Things have really changed and every community addresses such issues according to the standards required by taxpayers. I happen to live in an area where 'some' feel free to push the limits and without expert legal advice I wouldn't begin to know what to expect.
Last edited by TakeAhike; 07-10-2010 at 12:13 PM..
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