Cops showing up at your doorstep (teenagers, activities, children, 20 yr old)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
They did this in the pouring rain.
The damage is not from burns but from being hit.
I pay her cell phone and for her food.
She pays for everything else.
And here, ladies and gentlemen, is Exhibit A for why Darling Daughter is acting like an irresponsible child.
Fact is, Momma, she was stupid, she was with someone who did something illegal, and that illegal act could have set fire to the house. The fact that it did not is luck and an act of God, not because of any show of wisdom or maturity on her part.
I wouldn't turn her in unless I knew for a fact who did what to whom when. But I would tell her she could either turn herself in, or move out. By the time the cops arrive at the door looking for your child, you've long since quit doing them any good by running interference for them.
The boy the did this to, is an ex-friend who has done a lot to hurt them in the past. I guess they wanted to seek some form of revenge. I don't know why it has been quite awhile since they last talked.
I am very angry with her for doing something like this. I have read through what everyone says and she is a sweet girl and usually does not do stuff like this. She told me she hates this kid and wanted to annoy him and she didn't expect the other night to take the turn it did.
They were out and about it came up as an idea. She DID stay in the car while one of the boys did this, no one was up there to watch what he did. Someone said that she could have told them no, how many people here think a bunch of teenagers are going to listen to someone close to their age when they say no? I guarantee she would not have been listened to if she had said something. Someone also said she could have gotten out of the car and walked off.
I did mention it was pouring rain that night. There was severe flooding in the town, 5ft of swiftly moving water in many places. It's not like she could have gotten out of the car and walked a mile back to the house in the pouring rain.
I think she lied because she was scared. There's a lot of trouble she could get into for it and I don't think she should pay as harshly as you guys think she should, since she was not the one to even get out of the car.
I agree with them paying anonymously.
This situation is done and past with the police and they are no longer involved and I would rather not bring them back into this.
I think I will make her start paying for her food and cell phone, there were/are the only things I help her out with. It's not a big expense to pay but I think it will help her learn some responsibility.
As well as contribute some money towards the repairs, that I will collect from them all and leave anonymously at the boys house.
As for any sort of other punishment, I don't think anything else would work.
I am not home enough to ground her to the house and make sure she stays home. I honestly can't expect a 20 year old to do that anyways. To honestly think that a 20 year old would go by a grounding after I left and her actually stay at home and not leave and go out with friends is something I would have to be crazy to think.
So basically I am going to make her pay for her own stuff and get her in the right steps to leaving since she can if she wanted to.
I will be separating her line from the account and it will be her responsibility.
I am going to make her put some money towards the repairs.
If anyone else thinks I should do anything else besides kick her out, turn her into the cops or have her turn herself in, I am all ears. Like I said she usually is very good and they went and did this because this guy has hurt them all and the boy who went and did it made the most mistakes.
Am I the only one who wonders what teens and 20-somethings would be out joyriding in what seems to be described as an absolute deluge, complete with flooding?
Well if the cops showed up at my door asking for my 20 year old I would get said 20 year old and let them deal with the consequences of whatever law enforcement had to offer. I would not bail the 20 year out by giving them money...getting them out of jail if they were in there...or hiring an attorney. A 20 year old is an adult and should be treated as such...so no I wouldn't personally punish them...but I would have my say over what happened.
The boy the did this to, is an ex-friend who has done a lot to hurt them in the past. I guess they wanted to seek some form of revenge. I don't know why it has been quite awhile since they last talked.
I am very angry with her for doing something like this. I have read through what everyone says and she is a sweet girl and usually does not do stuff like this. She told me she hates this kid and wanted to annoy him and she didn't expect the other night to take the turn it did.
::snipped for brevity::
Like I said she usually is very good and they went and did this because this guy has hurt them all and the boy who went and did it made the most mistakes.
"Sweet, good girls" don't talk about hate and revenge against people they haven't seen for awhile, nor do they act on it.
As for the rest of the story and how it's grown (now improved! with 5 ft of floodwaters!)...I'm guessing this is a case of School's Out For Summer.
Have fun, and don't forget to do your summer reading for English Lit.
Grounded? Punishment by mommy? Taking away items for a month? Are you kidding? This is a 20-year-old woman. She's an adult, legally responsible for her own rights and responsibilities. If she was a 14-year-old who needed to learn a lesson she hadn't been living long enough to learn yet, then sure, punishments, revoked privileges, lectures, and grounding. An adult though? I wouldn't cover for her. If the cops asked where she was, and I knew where she was, I'd tell them. I would -not-, however, divulge any information about the alleged crime, without the advise of a lawyer because doing so could involve me in the criminal case.
They were out and about it came up as an idea. She DID stay in the car while one of the boys did this, no one was up there to watch what he did. Someone said that she could have told them no, how many people here think a bunch of teenagers are going to listen to someone close to their age when they say no? I guarantee she would not have been listened to if she had said something. Someone also said she could have gotten out of the car and walked off.
Like I said she usually is very good and they went and did this because this guy has hurt them all and the boy who went and did it made the most mistakes.
I don't have any 'new' ideas but somehow your daughter needs to understand the Law. Yes, whatever the reasons and whatever others may feel or think she needs to become self-protective and adamant. 'If that's what you are planning to do then let me out now.' If she had access to a cell phone she could have called you or someone to come and get her.
The 'guy' who hurt them all will one day 'Get His'. She needs to understand that. 'Don't take the Law into your own hands', etc. I am going to make her put some money towards the repairs.
I'm a bit confused about this--was 'the guy who did it' charged? If she hasn't been charged or implicated then how can she help pay for the damages?
The real concern is that she take a look at her life and understand that there will be many ethical decisions to make and she has to be able to think for herself.
ETA: Nevermind, I just saw this.
I agree with them paying anonymously.
This situation is done and past with the police and they are no longer involved and I would rather not bring them back into this.
I suppose that having her pay for repairs anonymously might make an impression. I also think she needs to decide for herself that those involved in this incident are not the sort of 'friends' she needs.
~~~~~~~
Give her the guidance needed to see the 'Big Picture'. 'The company you keep speaks volumes...' etc.
Find a course on "You and the Law"--everyone needs to be more informed--I wouldn't do this as a 'Punishment' and I would make that clear--it is for her own protection.
Not that your daughter is anything like Lindsay Lohan but I would use this sad case to illustrate that at some point you run out of second chances and excuses are not acceptable.
She made some very poor choices which could conceivably endanger your family. 'Ignorance of the Law is no excuse'.
my $.02
FWIW, my mother went through many similar experiences with my brother and he couldn't seem to get the message. So many broken dreams and so much heartache.
Last edited by TakeAhike; 07-07-2010 at 07:09 AM..
I can speak from experience. This is going to be a misdemeanor charge more than likely. Let her feel it. Stop protecting her before it's too late. My stepdaughter's mom never let her feel the consequences of her actions, until she was the getaway driver in a burglary. Guess who's doing prison time for "not even going into the house?" She needs to know that things like this are not acceptable.
On another note, if the door was damaged by a projectile, what would've happened of someone would've opened the door at the wrong time?
I know it's hard, but it's better to let her fall now, on a small thing, than decimate her later because she wasn't allowed to learn from this one. Oh, and watch your boys, too. It sounds like they were also involved, judging from your previous posts, and that's also not a good thing.
Well that most loved item would be her Blackberry. (It also was a gift from a friend, so I cannot take the phone itself.)
And how in the world would I go about enforcing any of that?
She wouldn't hand over her phone and I could shut it off and she would just take her phone in and have service opened up under her name, therefore not without a phone.
And how do I keep her in the house? She'd leave anyways.
And she has no curfew, just in by 2 or stay the night somewhere else.
If I told her to be home by 1am, she just would go sleep over at a friends house.
I would wonder why you're still paying her phone service, yes, you should shut off service and let her pay for it herself and you should be trying to get her out of the house not keep her in it. She's a grown up now and should start acting like one.
The law isn't going to see her as some little 13 year old kid pulling pranks, she's an adult committing crimes at this point.
The boy the did this to, is an ex-friend who has done a lot to hurt them in the past. I guess they wanted to seek some form of revenge. I don't know why it has been quite awhile since they last talked.
I am very angry with her for doing something like this. I have read through what everyone says and she is a sweet girl and usually does not do stuff like this. She told me she hates this kid and wanted to annoy him and she didn't expect the other night to take the turn it did.
They were out and about it came up as an idea. She DID stay in the car while one of the boys did this, no one was up there to watch what he did. Someone said that she could have told them no, how many people here think a bunch of teenagers are going to listen to someone close to their age when they say no? I guarantee she would not have been listened to if she had said something. Someone also said she could have gotten out of the car and walked off.
I did mention it was pouring rain that night. There was severe flooding in the town, 5ft of swiftly moving water in many places. It's not like she could have gotten out of the car and walked a mile back to the house in the pouring rain.
I think she lied because she was scared. There's a lot of trouble she could get into for it and I don't think she should pay as harshly as you guys think she should, since she was not the one to even get out of the car.
I agree with them paying anonymously.
This situation is done and past with the police and they are no longer involved and I would rather not bring them back into this.
I think I will make her start paying for her food and cell phone, there were/are the only things I help her out with. It's not a big expense to pay but I think it will help her learn some responsibility.
As well as contribute some money towards the repairs, that I will collect from them all and leave anonymously at the boys house.
As for any sort of other punishment, I don't think anything else would work.
I am not home enough to ground her to the house and make sure she stays home. I honestly can't expect a 20 year old to do that anyways. To honestly think that a 20 year old would go by a grounding after I left and her actually stay at home and not leave and go out with friends is something I would have to be crazy to think.
So basically I am going to make her pay for her own stuff and get her in the right steps to leaving since she can if she wanted to.
I will be separating her line from the account and it will be her responsibility.
I am going to make her put some money towards the repairs.
If anyone else thinks I should do anything else besides kick her out, turn her into the cops or have her turn herself in, I am all ears. Like I said she usually is very good and they went and did this because this guy has hurt them all and the boy who went and did it made the most mistakes.
Sounds good enough to me - it's not exactly as though it was the crime of the century, she just needs a little maturity - not unusual at that age - and responsibility.
It's best to just push her a bit more into adulthood and don't belabor the incident.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
-- never mind.
