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"A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary." (Dorothy Canfield Fisher)
Why has this changed? All the mothers who think their children should stay home forever, or at least well into adulthood have forgotten that it's our responsibility to prepare our children as they are growing to become responsible.
What has changed?
In addition, children are not being raised to be men and women. They are being raised to be all the same with no definition between the sexes except the sex organs themselves.
I really don't like phrases. I really don't know the people who say them. For example "Your world shouldn't revolve around kids." I have heard this from people who in my opinion really didn't want kids. I get a feelings of false strength, a hardened heart. So, that is how I feel about the phrase you quote.
I think what has changed is that some people have a need to be needed. In order to be needed, you need to find somebody who is incapable of taking care of themselves. This could begin with one's own children especially when a parent doesn't try to find out if the child can do something on their own. They try to do everything for the child in order to feel needed. They might for example, tell the child (12 yrs) to clean the pool themselves after the child was complaining of the pool being dirty. Then they feel bad that they made them clean the pool. They feel they should have done it because they need to take care of things for the kids. Allowing kids to do things for themselves means that the adult is slowly losing opportunities to be needed.
Then there is the parent who doesn't allow a child to do things on their own because the parent expects perfection the first time. They are the "win, win, win" kind of family and any kind of mistakes are unacceptable. The child then grows up being hard on herself and is afraid to take chances, may be indecisive, and gives up authority to others.
I don't think parenting has changed a whole lot. Society has changed, though, and societal expectations. Add in that we're given to endless post mortems and navel gazing in a way that our great-grandparents never had the luxury to indulge in.
I don't think parenting has changed a whole lot. Society has changed, though, and societal expectations. Add in that we're given to endless post mortems and navel gazing in a way that our great-grandparents never had the luxury to indulge in.
If society has changed, then it is possible for parenting to change. One way society has changed is that the mother no longer models submissiveness to her children. I think this is very important in teaching the roles of the sexes. The son grows up seeing his father be the boss over children and women and he expects to raise his family the same way. The female grows up seeing her mother submit to the father and expects to treat her husband the same way.
I think a mother should be both. Being responsible for onesself does not require one to be an emotional island without ever needing support from anyone else. A parent (mother or father) should always be there for support - not necessarily solving your problem for you but sometimes just to be a shoulder to cry on before pulling up your bootstraps and moving forward with what needs to be done.
I think a mother should be both. Being responsible for onesself does not require one to be an emotional island without ever needing support from anyone else. A parent (mother or father) should always be there for support - not necessarily solving your problem for you but sometimes just to be a shoulder to cry on before pulling up your bootstraps and moving forward with what needs to be done.
Dorothy Canfield Fisher (February 17, 1879 – November 9, 1958) was an educational reformer, social activist, and best-selling American author in the early decades of the twentieth century. She was named by Eleanor Roosevelt as one of the ten most influential women in the United States.
Wiki
Crisan, because you don't like them doesn't make them untrue. Sayings stand the test of time BECAUSE THEY ARE TRUE. Think about that. Sometimes people have a hard time seeing the truth.
IMO, society hasn't changed for the better in most ways. Progress is not always positive.
Quote:
I don't think parenting has changed a whole lot. Society has changed, though, and societal expectations. Aconite
Parenting HAS CHANGED. It went from bringing children into the parents' world to bringing the parents into the children's world. It's the population that creates change in society, so it IS people that have changed.
Maciesmom, The way I read that quote was that it's up to the mother to raise the children to stand for themselves when they become adults. There are numerous threads with young adults still living with parents and not being very productive, and in those threads there are numerous posts that state that parents should be very happy to have their adult offspring live at home for as long as they wish. Those people have not, or do not intend to raise their children to stand on their own.
The way I read that quote was that it's up to the mother to raise the children to stand for themselves when they become adults. There are numerous threads with young adults still living with parents and not being very productive, and in those threads there are numerous posts that state that parents should be very happy to have their adult offspring live at home for as long as they wish. Those people have not, or do not intend to raise their children to stand on their own.
Sometimes that is the case but not always....I know of several families where adult children lived at home after high school or college, saving their money for a downpayment on a house or for some other very valid reasons. They grew up just fine and are successful (in some cases extremely successful) in their own right - and are financially secure to boot. For some families this works for some others not so much. If it is working for someone's family (both parents and the adult child), I really don't care - to each their own... It is also worth noting that we are not privvy to all the details of people's home lives - and even when someone posts here, we are really only getting one side of the story (frequently the person we hear from is whining about it rather than actively pursuing change in a positive manner....my tolerance for whiners is pretty low - be they parents or children)
Last edited by maciesmom; 07-13-2010 at 12:29 PM..
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