Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
 
Old 07-13-2010, 01:09 PM
 
2,605 posts, read 4,674,825 times
Reputation: 2194

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by MikefromNY View Post
I think that's a little extreme. It's not like there's any kind of physical abuse or neglect.
Right. Of course. You want suggestions, just not any that involve you.

Your niece needs SOMEONE to step up and take care of her in a parental way. Maybe it's just better to leave things the way they are so it doesn't disrupt any family dynamics. Sheesh. Poor little kid.
Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-13-2010, 01:16 PM
 
32,516 posts, read 37,007,184 times
Reputation: 32571
Quote:
Originally Posted by MikefromNY View Post
I think that's a little extreme. It's not like there's any kind of physical abuse or neglect. If anything I think it would make her feel even more that her parents don't want her.
There is abuse that doesn't leave marks.

She already knows her parents don't want her. Gee, I was really hoping you could step up and fill a need in this girl's life. My own parents took in the strays of the world and I've done the same. I could tell you stories of adult men coming back to tell my parents "Thank you" for taking care of them and being there for them when their own parents wouldn't.

Even if it's not 24/7 she needs to be "someone special" to somebody.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-13-2010, 01:24 PM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
308 posts, read 443,193 times
Reputation: 368
I'm all for spending time with her, inviting her to spend the occasional weekend with us. But I think it's a bit extreme to change where she's living again, to change her school again, to have her make new friends again, and top it off by taking her away from her mother, who actually is around sometimes.

I do appreciate the suggestions. I'm just saying I don't think trying to get custody of her is necessary. Besides, to get a child away from the mother in NY, I'd practically have to convince the court that her mother is a drug using, child abusing schyzophrenic alcoholic.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-13-2010, 01:27 PM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
308 posts, read 443,193 times
Reputation: 368
[quote=DewDropInn;15021993]She already knows her parents don't want her. quote]

I don't think its a case of her parents not wanting her, its more a case of immature parents that don't have priorities right. Mom wants to go out and party, Dad wants to make money.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-13-2010, 01:27 PM
 
1,429 posts, read 4,266,139 times
Reputation: 2049
I have had a child cry to me that her momma doesn't love her.
I have been a child who wondered what was so wrong with her that her own father couldn't love her.

This is heartbreaking. Her parents aren't horrible people,, they just do not realize (or care... which would make them horrible IMHO) that their child deserves parents who care.

I choose to fill that void for children in my life. I pray that someone in your niece's life does the same.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-13-2010, 01:29 PM
 
Location: colorado
2,788 posts, read 5,077,358 times
Reputation: 3345
Quote:
Originally Posted by MikefromNY View Post
A little background info. My wife and I have a 2-1/2 year old daughter. The child in topic is our 6 year old niece, her sister's daughter.


Over the past year, this child has gone through:
  1. her parents divorce
  2. move from a large house to a small 2 bedroom apartment
  3. start kindergarten
  4. move from apartment to upstairs apartment in grandparents' (my in-laws) house.
  5. change schools with about 2-3 months left in school year
Since the divorce she lives primarily with her mother, my SIL. However, SIL is more concerened with her own life, going out, partying, etc. Naturally our niece spends most of her time with Grandma, the live in babysitter. My wife has told me its at the point where her father has said if it werent for the child, my SIL would be out on her *****.

For some reason this really started bothering me this past weekend. After our niece went to Disney with Grandma for a week, she spent a few days with her father. She came home only to find her mother went away for July 4th weekend. From what I hear the following week her mother is out every night. Why not when you have a live in babysitter? My wife called her parents about 10:00 Saturday night, and her father tells her that our niece is hiding under the bed, crying because she wants her mother (who of course is out partying).

So Sunday was a family BBQ at my in-laws. It seems the only time my SIL spent with my niece (before she left to go to a wedding) was telling her to eat. Her father spent most of the day watching the World Cup. Sadly, I probably spent more time with her than her parents did combined.

One conversation:
Daughter to Father: Do you have your bathing suit?
Father: Yes.
Daughter: Then come in the pool!
Father: No, not now.

Sorry for the long rant, but my wife and I are concerned how all this will effect this child.

I know someone really close to me who was at the time 37 going on 17 and partying was more important then her kids, they her kids were always with grandma and whoever else, the grandma was at fault too she should of told her to watch her own kids that was her mom
The kids went to go live with the other grandma, their dads mom
and she raised them
When her daughter got older she told her mom "your not my mom you didnt raise me grandma did thats my mom"
The mom is selfish,
the dad is selfish,
I say when you see the girl give her lots of attention..
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-13-2010, 01:40 PM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
308 posts, read 443,193 times
Reputation: 368
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeepgirl27 View Post
I know someone really close to me who was at the time 37 going on 17 and partying was more important then her kids, they her kids were always with grandma and whoever else, the grandma was at fault too she should of told her to watch her own kids that was her mom
The kids went to go live with the other grandma, their dads mom
and she raised them
When her daughter got older she told her mom "your not my mom you didnt raise me grandma did thats my mom"
The mom is selfish,
the dad is selfish,
I say when you see the girl give her lots of attention..
Sounds just like my SIL and her daughter and mother. My MIL has always bent over backwards to accommodate my SIL. Fortunately my father in law sees things as they are. As he puts it, Grandma is in "La La Land" in regards to how my SIL behaves. Hence why he is very upset with SIL. He only lets her stay in the house because of his granddaughter.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-13-2010, 04:58 PM
 
Location: Canada
3,430 posts, read 4,316,106 times
Reputation: 2186
Quote:
Originally Posted by MikefromNY View Post
I think that's a little extreme. It's not like there's any kind of physical abuse or neglect. If anything I think it would make her feel even more that her parents don't want her.

Then what would you call her mother going out everynight and leaving the poor kid with someone else while she hides under the bed crying .How about your statement to your wife that her sister needs to realize she has a child. If that`s not neglect I`m not sure what neglect means to you
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-13-2010, 07:32 PM
 
664 posts, read 1,940,801 times
Reputation: 239
Maybe your SIL is partying it up because she finally feels free from the divorce? It will die down. Moving to a big house to an apartment and switching school at that young age she'll probably be ok. Just be there for her and be a role model in her life.
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:
Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top