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Ok... I don't normally come here but I need some imput.
First off, my situation: I work 2 jobs (1 full-time and the other as I please/need for the family business). My wife is a stay at home mom; we have three kids (ages 10, 8 and 3) and live in a smaller home (about 2000 sq ft.)
The problem is she just cannot keep the house clean. It slowly becomes a wreck as the week progresses and by the time Saturday rolls around it's a disaster. I spend about 4-5 hours cleaning it from top to bottom EVERY Saturday. My wife makes dinner maybe 1/2 of the week and I have to do pretty much all of my own laundry if I want clean clothes.
We've had repeated fights over the issue... she says there is not enough time to do all that mom's have to do and that I should help more. The kids tell me she sleeps in late every morning and watches TV all the time. During school time the kids have really lousy tardy records too.
I feel like I'm getting a raw deal here... How do you get somebody to pull their weight? Am I the problem? Is it really impossible for a homemaker to keep a little house in order?
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I know that stay at home parents also have a "full time job" however, that job includes keeping up with the house. No she is not a maid, but she is a partner and she is not pulling her load. I am sorry for this.
I was married to Mr. Perfectionist. Nothing was ever good enough. Finally, I just gave up. I was so depressed, I was practically suicidal. So, I suggest that you work together, as a team, to figure out what is wrong, and how to fix it. Rather than you acting like the "perfect martyr" married to the horrible lazy woman.
Some of the time spent with the kids should be teaching them to pull their weight. Take a look at flylady.com and show it to her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
I'd suggest something like flylady.com. Not being able to keep house while home is common.
I'd never heard of that site and took a look. It's a little cheesy, but it seems to have some very helpful, encouraging tips for homemakers to organize their time and get on top of the clutter and umpteen little tasks.
I'd never heard of that site and took a look. It's a little cheesy, but it seems to have some very helpful, encouraging tips for homemakers to organize their time and get on top of the clutter and umpteen little tasks.
It is kind of cheesy but the strategies work. I know several stay at home moms who swear by it. It's really about changing habits one at a time until you have it under control as opposed to the usual approach of cleaning the house top to bottom and expecting it to, automatically, stay that way. You need to change the habits that result in it getting messy and that takes time.
This thread is over a year old. I'm guessing the OP has either dealt with the problem or moved on by now.
I noticed that after I posted. I wonder how things worked out. Personally, I would have her get a job and hire a housekeeper as it doesn't sound like she's cut out to be a stay at home mom.
I noticed that after I posted. I wonder how things worked out. Personally, I would have her get a job and hire a housekeeper as it doesn't sound like she's cut out to be a stay at home mom.
That sounds like a plan! I actually did something similar, though it wasn't b/c I couldn't keep up with the house.
When I took a very heavy-duty PT job, I couldn't get any "help" with the housework from anyone, beyond what they'd already been doing. DH basically drew a line in the sand and said he'd do no more. Kids were younger and not too helpful. I hired a cleaning lady. At least the house stayed clean. I could keep up with laundry, and DH would clean up the kitchen at night.
Ok... I don't normally come here but I need some imput.
First off, my situation: I work 2 jobs (1 full-time and the other as I please/need for the family business). My wife is a stay at home mom; we have three kids (ages 10, 8 and 3) and live in a smaller home (about 2000 sq ft.)
The problem is she just cannot keep the house clean. It slowly becomes a wreck as the week progresses and by the time Saturday rolls around it's a disaster. I spend about 4-5 hours cleaning it from top to bottom EVERY Saturday. My wife makes dinner maybe 1/2 of the week and I have to do pretty much all of my own laundry if I want clean clothes.
We've had repeated fights over the issue... she says there is not enough time to do all that mom's have to do and that I should help more. The kids tell me she sleeps in late every morning and watches TV all the time. During school time the kids have really lousy tardy records too.
I feel like I'm getting a raw deal here... How do you get somebody to pull their weight? Am I the problem? Is it really impossible for a homemaker to keep a little house in order?
Depending on the ages of your children, yes...it can be darn tough to keep a house....ESPECIALLY a little house, in order. However...in view of the fact that you have two children in school all day, it seems as if she'd have time to keep the house up. Either she's lazy or she's depressed. Do not discount the fact that she could be terribly depressed....it happens... especially when you're doing the same thing over and over again and it doesn't seem to make any difference.
Believe it or not, little houses w/ 5 people living in them can be a fricking nightmare to keep clean. It doesn't take very darn much to mess them up and there's no place to put things away. Sounds like instead of "condemning" your wife (I know you're frustrated), you need to figure out a way of talking to her....find out what's going on. Being "stuck" at home all day can make you feel like sh*t sometimes. A SAHM is pretty damn often under appreciated. Even if you DO work all day, and keep the house up, you get no gratitude, no appreciation and NO pay for your efforts. It isn't as blissful and glorious as you'd think.
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Personally, I would have her get a job and hire a housekeeper as it doesn't sound like she's cut out to be a stay at home mom.
