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I've been thinking so long about foster parenting. I'm a nurse, work 3 days a week, married and w/ 2 kids ( 4y and 2y). I imagine I'd want to be open to fostering children once my children are in school. So tell me....
what was it like meeting new temporary 'parents'?
do you remember them fondly?
do you look back and think of what they gave, how they 'made' a home for you, helped you adjust, etc was positive?
I am hesitant b/c I am fearful of the emotional exhaustion of knowing what these children have endured. That perhaps I'd make a difference only to hand them back to undeserving parents. That as much as you think you make a difference to a child, you're simply another house.
thoughts?? Grown up, how do you look back on foster parents and that experience?
Not sure if this is the answer you are looking for because I was not a foster child myself... however... when I was 7 and my sister 9, my parents took in (took on?) a 13 year old foster boy. Sounds odd, I know... they had asked for a younger child (more our age), but the case worker told them that he had nowhere else to go and it would only be temporary. He was with us for one year. One school year without moving, one whole year of sleeping in the same bed, one Christmas with an actual stocking to open, one Thanksgiving where we all sat at the table and ate, an entire year of not having a single bruise from someone hitting him... you get the idea. This young man went on to live with his grandmother after he left our home. He kept in contact with my Mom through the years. He sent her an invite to his HS graduation (nobody ever thought he would graduate), he stood up and thanked my parents at his college graduation for giving him goals for the first time in his life. His first daughter was named after my Mom. So, the answer to your questions from my point of view... there ARE times when you can make more of a difference than you know.
Not sure if this is the answer you are looking for because I was not a foster child myself... however... when I was 7 and my sister 9, my parents took in (took on?) a 13 year old foster boy. Sounds odd, I know... they had asked for a younger child (more our age), but the case worker told them that he had nowhere else to go and it would only be temporary. He was with us for one year. One school year without moving, one whole year of sleeping in the same bed, one Christmas with an actual stocking to open, one Thanksgiving where we all sat at the table and ate, an entire year of not having a single bruise from someone hitting him... you get the idea. This young man went on to live with his grandmother after he left our home. He kept in contact with my Mom through the years. He sent her an invite to his HS graduation (nobody ever thought he would graduate), he stood up and thanked my parents at his college graduation for giving him goals for the first time in his life. His first daughter was named after my Mom. So, the answer to your questions from my point of view... there ARE times when you can make more of a difference than you know.
Not sure if this is the answer you are looking for because I was not a foster child myself... however... when I was 7 and my sister 9, my parents took in (took on?) a 13 year old foster boy. Sounds odd, I know... they had asked for a younger child (more our age), but the case worker told them that he had nowhere else to go and it would only be temporary. He was with us for one year. One school year without moving, one whole year of sleeping in the same bed, one Christmas with an actual stocking to open, one Thanksgiving where we all sat at the table and ate, an entire year of not having a single bruise from someone hitting him... you get the idea. This young man went on to live with his grandmother after he left our home. He kept in contact with my Mom through the years. He sent her an invite to his HS graduation (nobody ever thought he would graduate), he stood up and thanked my parents at his college graduation for giving him goals for the first time in his life. His first daughter was named after my Mom. So, the answer to your questions from my point of view... there ARE times when you can make more of a difference than you know.
That is a very touching story. Thank you for sharing!
I've been thinking so long about foster parenting. I'm a nurse, work 3 days a week, married and w/ 2 kids ( 4y and 2y). I imagine I'd want to be open to fostering children once my children are in school. So tell me....
what was it like meeting new temporary 'parents'?
do you remember them fondly?
do you look back and think of what they gave, how they 'made' a home for you, helped you adjust, etc was positive?
I am hesitant b/c I am fearful of the emotional exhaustion of knowing what these children have endured. That perhaps I'd make a difference only to hand them back to undeserving parents. That as much as you think you make a difference to a child, you're simply another house.
thoughts?? Grown up, how do you look back on foster parents and that experience?
I have been a foster mom and I still keep in touch with my girls. Foster children are all different and one person's experience can be different from another.
The biggest thing you have to have is an open mind. When we got our girls the social worker kept telling us that they were probably going to be adopted(which is what we wanted to hear). That the mother was going to go to jail for abuse, etc.. When we first got them we thought our role was that of rescuers. As part of creating a good environment for them we never uttered a bad word about their mother. We kept telling them they were lucky because they had parents and a foster parents. Fast forward 6 months and the kids went back to their mother because everything the social worker was telling us was not true. At that point we realized that our role was to provide a safe nurturing environment during the time they were with us. During visits with the mom I developed a good relationship and a few months after she got them back she called us because the girls wanted to see us. After that we had them over sometimes for the weekend whenever the mom needed a break. We also attended their birthday parties and saw them at Christmas or whenever we asked. We have since moved but we still keep in touch and last summer they spend a month in the summer with us. Now we see our role as mentors. We hope to encourage them to go to college and break the welfare cycle that they come from.
all amazing stories of how we can positively touch others' lives. You're right- these children were lucky to come across people who were gentle and loving.
A little back story- My mom passed away when I was 13, for 2 years I lived with a string of other relatives. When I was 15, I went into foster care. I was so afraid. I moved in with this woman who was married and had 2 children. She had a three bedroom house and as a 15 year old sharing bunk beds with a 4 or 5 year old on the bottom bunk. She had small children and didnt really understand teenagers. She didnt really get what I needed or how to deal with me emotionally. I screwed up and ended up being placed somewhere else. But I remember, the short time I lived there I felt like a visitor. Like I was just visiting for a while. The other place I stayed was for just over a year. She had a "wing" on her house that was just for foster kids. There were 2 bedrooms and a bathroom. I was 16, almost 17. I felt like I had my own little corner of the world. But at the same time I felt isolated. She was a social worker and was busy a lot and her husband, while never innapropriate, kind of weirded me out. But I think that was because he was so distant. But she helped me finish school and make sure I knew what I wanted out of life. I still talk to her about once a year, and I took my son to meet her when he was born. I keep her updated about my education. She is important to me.
The best advice I can tell you as the kid in this scenario- be patient, be understanding and make time for him/her. Foster children often are in need of affection and attention, which often manifests negatively. Be patient and dont give up. Dont let them overwhelm you, and be very sensitive to their needs. And make time for them.
My parents took on a series of foster kids when I was in Jr. high and high school. It was not the best thing. One guy, we picke dup at Juvi. He taught me all kinds of intereting things, especially about girls, that cannot even be mentioned on here. He stayed with us for about 5 months, got in trouble and sent back to Juvi. Then back with us. Then his dad found him and beat him up at our school and they relocated him out of state.
We had a very nice little bo and girl who were pretty young. At least they seemed very nice at first. She stole everything that was not attached, kept taking sharp knives and hiding them in her room, burned her brothers arm on a light bulb. . . . (he was 2 she was about 7).
We had another young guy who was OK, but could nto gte along with me. We beat eath other bloody over and over again. He fought with everyone. Then a conseler at the school took him in (not other kids) and he did great. No more fighting. He an I became friends. He just could nto live in a household with other children.
We ahd an infant/baby for about two years, maybe three. It was hearbreaking when his mother got out of jail and took him back.
I owuld not discourage you from doing it, but be aware that you may have take some kids and send them back for the sake of your other kids. It can be frustrating, hearbreaking, even dangerous.
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