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Seems like I am the only one of my loved ones who has no kids and is un-married.
So am I REQUIRED to put up with their kids 24/7, if I want to spend time with them (my loved ones)? I don't mind spending a few hours with them & the kids. But after 4-5 hours I am pretty much "DONE" with watching Nick Jr. and going to the playground and I want to hang out with my friends in an ADULT FASHION (i.e., watch an adult movie, go to a bar, discuss politics, etc.). Last year my friend came to visit and I had to spend 12 hours a day with her and the 3 kids (ages 3-7). By the 5th day I thought I was going to slit my wrists. And I know my friend could tell I was annoyed.
I was annoyed because parents seem to think that everyone needs to automatically adjust to their lifestyle! Why can't you put them to bed early, so there can be "adult time"? Why can't you leave them with a nanny one day so we can go see an R-rated movie? Why do the kids have to ALWAYS BE THERE?
Seems like I am the only one of my loved ones who has no kids and is un-married.
So am I REQUIRED to put up with their kids 24/7, if I want to spend time with them (my loved ones)? I don't mind spending a few hours with them & the kids. But after 4-5 hours I am pretty much "DONE" with watching Nick Jr. and going to the playground and I want to hang out with my friends in an ADULT FASHION (i.e., watch an adult movie, go to a bar, discuss politics, etc.). Last year my friend came to visit and I had to spend 12 hours a day with her and the 3 kids (ages 3-7). By the 5th day I thought I was going to slit my wrists. And I know my friend could tell I was annoyed.
I was annoyed because parents seem to think that everyone needs to automatically adjust to their lifestyle! Why can't you put them to bed early, so there can be "adult time"? Why can't you leave them with a nanny one day so we can go see an R-rated movie? Why do the kids have to ALWAYS BE THERE?
To answer your questions.....Why can't you put them to bed early, so there can be "adult time"?
Because the kids won't "go to bed". They will keep coming out of their room and annoying you and their poor parents even more. And ALSO, because a kids schedule doesn't need to change because their parents friend needs to watch a grown up movie
Why can't you leave them with a nanny one day so we can go see an R-rated movie?
Because nannies are expensive and so are movies. Maybe the parents you know don't want to spend $30 on a "nanny" and $30 on a movie just to sit in the dark next to you for 2 hours
Why do the kids have to ALWAYS BE THERE?
Uhm, well, probably because kids are a parents constant responsibility. OR because parents always LOVE THEIR CHILDREN. Something you apparently don't quite understand.
Last edited by kel6604; 08-24-2010 at 12:46 PM..
Reason: Forgot to add...
Seems like I am the only one of my loved ones who has no kids and is un-married.
So am I REQUIRED to put up with their kids 24/7, if I want to spend time with them (my loved ones)? I don't mind spending a few hours with them & the kids. But after 4-5 hours I am pretty much "DONE" with watching Nick Jr. and going to the playground and I want to hang out with my friends in an ADULT FASHION (i.e., watch an adult movie, go to a bar, discuss politics, etc.). Last year my friend came to visit and I had to spend 12 hours a day with her and the 3 kids (ages 3-7). By the 5th day I thought I was going to slit my wrists. And I know my friend could tell I was annoyed.
I was annoyed because parents seem to think that everyone needs to automatically adjust to their lifestyle! Why can't you put them to bed early, so there can be "adult time"? Why can't you leave them with a nanny one day so we can go see an R-rated movie? Why do the kids have to ALWAYS BE THERE?
Because priorities change once you have kids. They are at a different stage in life that you are. The same happens when you get married. You go from going to places you can meet people to enjoying being home with the person you love.
Normally what happens is that friends drift apart when they are not at the same stage in life. You are not a bad friend and they are not bad parents. I have children and I wouldn't want to spend 12 hours with other people's children.
You need to find new friends to hang out but keep in touch with your current friends in case later in life you are both at the same stage again.
To answer your questions.....Why can't you put them to bed early, so there can be "adult time"?
Because the kids won't "go to bed". They will keep coming out of their room and annoying you and their poor parents even more. And ALSO, because a kids schedule doesn't need to change because their parents friend needs to watch a grown up movie
Why can't you leave them with a nanny one day so we can go see an R-rated movie?
Because nannies are expensive and so are movies. Maybe the parents you know don't want to spend $30 on a "nanny" and $30 on a movie just to sit in the dark next to you for 2 hours
Why do the kids have to ALWAYS BE THERE?
Uhm, well, probably because kids are a parents constant responsibility. OR because parents always LOVE THEIR CHILDREN. Something you apparently don't quite understand.
^This. Are they bad parents? What on earth about what you've described would make them "bad parents?"
If you really care to spend adult time with one of your friends, specifically ask them out for a "girl's night out" or "guy's night out." They would probably welcome an adult night every once in a while, if their spouse is available to stay with the kids. If you are going over to their house, or it is a family function, kids are part of it and you shouldn't expect them to get rid of the kids for you.
ETA I do remember visiting my SIL and BIL when their kids were young and we didn't have any yet. I do remember the kids getting on my nerves a bit, and I do remember wishing we could have an adult conversation, but I never expected them to adjust their life style for me. you asked why you should have to adjust for them. Why should THEY have to adjust for YOU???
^This. Are they bad parents? What on earth about what you've described would make them "bad parents?"
If you really care to spend adult time with one of your friends, specifically ask them out for a "girl's night out" or "guy's night out." They would probably welcome an adult night every once in a while, if their spouse is available to stay with the kids. If you are going over to their house, or it is a family function, kids are part of it and you shouldn't expect them to get rid of the kids for you.
This. I have an 8-month-old and this is what I do now. DH and I have been out together alone three times since our son was born and that was when my parents have been in town. We haven't found a sitter yet and would prefer to wait on that, but I love to do girl nights when it can work out.
Did you know your friend was bringing her kids? I would certainly hope she would ask if that's OK. I would never just take my kid to someone else's house for five days unless I checked with them. Was her husband with her? I'm not sure what you expected, though, if you knew the kids were coming.
ETA: I wanted to add that some people really do want to spend all of their time with their kids. I have a friend with three kids, and it's nearly impossible to get her to come shopping or have lunch with us without her children. So if your friends are like that, there might not be much you can do. I went on a girls trip to NYC when my son was 5 months old. I missed him, but I had a ball. My friend would never, ever do that.
Last edited by carolinacool; 08-24-2010 at 01:33 PM..
Because when a person becomes a parent their kids are not just toys that can be put away when the parents are tired of them. They are real living, breathing humans who need their parents. If you want to hang out with your friend and see an R rated move, call them, and make plans to do that with them. Then your friends will have to hire a sitter, or have their spouse stay with the kids. But if you go to their house, their kids will be there.
Wow, I thought I could avoid the old cliche of "the child-less and the child-ridden don't mix." But I guess this is exactly what has happened. Their priority is their children, my priority is the friendship/relationship. Btw I am NOT a kid hater, like so many child-less people are, and I love spending small chunks of time with the kids. But only in small doses and not every day or every weekend. And when we do spend time together, why does it have to be a kid-centered activity? Btw this is not just friends but also my brothers and other family members.
I just don't understand why I should be expected to sacrifice my time and energy to please someone else's children.
You gotta realize that I live day in, and day out, not having to deal with this stuff. I don't ever think about "potties" or saying "NO" 100,000 TIMES or going to Toys R Us so they'll stop asking for it, or telling them over and over and OVER to "get dressed", "don't do that", "clean your mouth", "lower your voice", etc. All of that, to someone who is not used to it, is HIGHLY ANNOYING after 12 hours. And it's positively murderous after 5 days straight.
But that is what I have to endure if I spend time with my brothers and friends. It's like they have put their lives on hold, simply to focus on the kids 100% of the time. It's all they talk about, do, read etc. And everyone else has to put up or shut up.
My argument is that the kids should not be the focus 100% of the time. Can't I just get 30% to spend with them, ALONE?
The next time my friend w/ the 3 kids wants to come visit, I will tell her that I cannot spend the whole week with them, 12 hours a day, wiping bottoms and reading Dr. Seuss. I just can't do it, not for 7 days.
Yep, very very bad friend. That's what happens when people become parents. It's a fact of life. You claim they are expecting you to live by their standards, but you equally want them to live by your standards. The two do not mix once there are children. Your friendship will eventually fade away. Don't burn bridges and tell your friend what you posted here. You'll you'll want to be friends with them whenever you do have children of your own. If you don't ever have children, you'll need to accept that you need to seek out other friends who don't have children. It's unreasonable of you to expect your friends with children to change their priorities. You can argue all you want. But the reality is what it is. You can't change it. If you valued your friendship, you wouldn't tell your friend that you won't spend 12 hours a day wiping bottoms and reading Dr. Seuss.
It's like they have put their lives on hold, simply to focus on the kids 100% of the time. It's all they talk about, do, read etc. And everyone else has to put up or shut up.
They have not put their lives on hold. Their lives have changed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hcloca
My argument is that the kids should not be the focus 100% of the time. Can't I just get 30% to spend with them, ALONE?
What do you propose they do with their kids while you get your 30%? Kids can't just be shelved until they are more convenient.
Look-kids do grow up and require less of their parents time and energy. But when they are small parents have to give them what they need. Other adults should understand.
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