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Old 09-05-2010, 03:45 PM
 
17,183 posts, read 22,809,602 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoExcuses View Post
Can any of you show me where I said to not get involved? Seriously, show me.

What I said was have a chat with the mother or ask someone from a church to pay her a visit before calling in the guns. By going to CPS, you are opening a door that will never close. By calling CPS, YOU are not getting involved at all, you are expecting someone else to. You know the call will be anonymous. Your name will not be given to anyone on the outside, so you are safe from anyone knowing it was you who made the call that quite possibly destroyed a woman and child.

All I'm saying is to find out first. GET involved and be sure something really bad is going on before calling in CPS.
The problem with personal involvement is that *if* this mom is truly abusive, she may take things out on the child more. Individually, a neighbor is not equipped to rescue the child if it is necessary.

There have been a lot of changes to CPS that favor them helping families, but social workers are still overworked, so things can be difficult. Everything depends on getting a good caseworker who understands people and is not prejudiced against uneducated, poor and/or minority families though.

Dorothy
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Old 09-06-2010, 12:23 PM
 
59 posts, read 234,552 times
Reputation: 38
Thanks for all of the thoughts and feedback. I must say that it's pretty fascinating to get such a wide range of responses.

To be honest, I had my reservations about calling CPS, based on concerns that I'd mentioned before I think: people are allowed to be ****ty parents, to f up their kids, and they're allowed to hit their kids. Anyways. I called them, and they told me that there was nothing they could do. They deemed there were no grounds for an investigation. Hearing single or even a short burst of slaps, about 3 times in 5 days (which is what I heard) is not excessive by their guidelines for starting an investigation. Parents are allowed to put their kids in the room, are allowed to let them cry. There was no evidence of being left alone at home, or excessive hitting that could damage.

Not satisfying, I know. As the CPS fellow said, calling the police is an option. I'm signing off from this thread, but I wanted to give an update on the CPS situation. Again, thanks for the info.
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Old 09-07-2010, 08:37 AM
 
Location: Texas
8,672 posts, read 22,230,159 times
Reputation: 21364
Quote:
Originally Posted by David001 View Post
Thanks for all of the thoughts and feedback. I must say that it's pretty fascinating to get such a wide range of responses.

To be honest, I had my reservations about calling CPS, based on concerns that I'd mentioned before I think: people are allowed to be ****ty parents, to f up their kids, and they're allowed to hit their kids. Anyways. I called them, and they told me that there was nothing they could do. They deemed there were no grounds for an investigation. Hearing single or even a short burst of slaps, about 3 times in 5 days (which is what I heard) is not excessive by their guidelines for starting an investigation. Parents are allowed to put their kids in the room, are allowed to let them cry. There was no evidence of being left alone at home, or excessive hitting that could damage.

Not satisfying, I know. As the CPS fellow said, calling the police is an option. I'm signing off from this thread, but I wanted to give an update on the CPS situation. Again, thanks for the info.
You may not be back to see this since you said you were signing off, but just want to tell you that even though nothing was done, I think you were right to at least make the call. Tough call to make, for sure, but I think that what I would have done in the circumstances.
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Old 09-07-2010, 08:47 AM
 
43,011 posts, read 107,764,882 times
Reputation: 30711
I wouldn't stop being aware of what's happening. I'd call the police whenever it sounds partiularly rough. Someone should at least check to see if there are bruises on that child. I'm a little shocked by the CPS response. Just because the OP only heard it a few times a day, doesn't mean it's only happening when the OP hears it. Just think of those children who are left in crib cages in their own filth and nobody knew it. It makes me sick that CPS wouldn't even check into it, especially since the OP indicated that it seems she leaves the child in his room almost all the time.
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Old 09-07-2010, 08:53 AM
 
1,424 posts, read 5,326,021 times
Reputation: 1961
Hopefully, CPS documented that call. One rejection by CPS does not mean there is not potential abuse. Future incidents, should they occur, should be reported. Sometimes it all depends on who answers the phone!

OP made the right call.
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Old 09-07-2010, 08:59 AM
 
Location: Texas
8,672 posts, read 22,230,159 times
Reputation: 21364
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
I wouldn't stop being aware of what's happening. I'd call the police whenever it sounds partiularly rough. Someone should at least check to see if there are bruises on that child. I'm a little shocked by the CPS response. Just because the OP only heard it a few times a day, doesn't mean it's only happening when the OP hears it. Just think of those children who are left in crib cages in their own filth and nobody knew it. It makes me sick that CPS wouldn't even check into it, especially since the OP indicated that it seems she leaves the child in his room almost all the time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by didee View Post
Hopefully, CPS documented that call. One rejection by CPS does not mean there is not potential abuse. Future incidents, should they occur, should be reported. Sometimes it all depends on who answers the phone!

OP made the right call.
Yeah, I agree. There may be nothing worthy of CPS involvement here, but this is one of those situations where I think there is enough suspicion to warrant erring on the side of the child. ( Now maybe I am biased because I used to work many moons ago in social services at a local hospital. I was familiar with our local CPS dept and respected them immensely. The workers I knew had a lot of sense and I trusted their reasoning that they wouldn't "rush to judgment" about something that didn't warrant it. I know others may be able to cite times when CPS got involved and they shouldn't have, but my professional experience with CPS was very good in this particular community.) Has to be on a case by case basis but again, I think if you're really suspicious it's best to make the call and just say flat out that you're not sure what's happening but you're concerned. And like didee said, it may depend simply on who answers the phone. As also was said, hopefully, the call was documented. So that if there ARE further calls, this will be considered. And yeah, if things sound TOO bad, call the police.

Last edited by kaykay; 09-07-2010 at 09:18 AM..
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Old 09-07-2010, 10:39 AM
 
623 posts, read 1,599,476 times
Reputation: 723
Quote:
Originally Posted by David001 View Post
Thanks for all of the thoughts and feedback. I must say that it's pretty fascinating to get such a wide range of responses.

To be honest, I had my reservations about calling CPS, based on concerns that I'd mentioned before I think: people are allowed to be ****ty parents, to f up their kids, and they're allowed to hit their kids. Anyways. I called them, and they told me that there was nothing they could do. They deemed there were no grounds for an investigation. Hearing single or even a short burst of slaps, about 3 times in 5 days (which is what I heard) is not excessive by their guidelines for starting an investigation. Parents are allowed to put their kids in the room, are allowed to let them cry. There was no evidence of being left alone at home, or excessive hitting that could damage.

Not satisfying, I know. As the CPS fellow said, calling the police is an option. I'm signing off from this thread, but I wanted to give an update on the CPS situation. Again, thanks for the info.
Hmmm.. I wonder why they didn't get involved? I know I know!!! It's called parenting. A lot of crying and a couple slaps and suddenly the police need to be called. Give me a break. I for one am glad they declined to get involved.

And save all the spanking is terrible speeches. I've heard it all before on these boards and guess what? I'm still gonna spank if necessary.
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Old 09-07-2010, 12:48 PM
 
Location: Texas
8,672 posts, read 22,230,159 times
Reputation: 21364
Quote:
Originally Posted by littleelvis View Post
Hmmm.. I wonder why they didn't get involved? I know I know!!! It's called parenting. A lot of crying and a couple slaps and suddenly the police need to be called. Give me a break. I for one am glad they declined to get involved.

And save all the spanking is terrible speeches. I've heard it all before on these boards and guess what? I'm still gonna spank if necessary.
Well, you could be right. It could be a normal discipline situation, and hopefully is, but I got the impression that the OP felt it was quite possibly more than this. We spanked too, but sometimes you have the feeling that what you're hearing may be something more than this due to frequency, intensity of crying, tone of voice and verbage used by the parent, etc. That's the problem in this kinda murky, grey area when we can't be sure. I think many of us, however, are haunted by the stories we hear in the news about abused children dying and you wonder why anyone didn't hear their cries or at least suspect what was happening and report it. And yeah, admittedly, there's a time to mind your own business, but sometimes that's difficult to determine.

Last edited by kaykay; 09-07-2010 at 01:20 PM..
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Old 09-07-2010, 01:27 PM
 
556 posts, read 796,592 times
Reputation: 859
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
I told the pediatrician because the woman said "shut the f*** up!" to her 4 year old daughter...by any standard, this is considered inappropriate. The Merck diagnostic manual even considers cursing at a child as verbal abuse...

My concern was if this woman was so bold to curse at her child in public I would be mortified to hear what she says to her child in private. The child is only 4 years old.

My husband is in the medical field and he is required by law to report behavior such as this mothers if he witnesses it...that is in Virginia and I am not sure about other areas.

If everyone ignores what is going on several children would fall through the cracks.


And, no, I have NEVER cursed at my children...NEVER. There is no reason to curse at anyone, especially your own child. In my opinion, cursing shows a lack of adequate vocabulary skills and lack of self control.

Different strokes for different folks. Some people use different words to express themselves. I might think it is abusive to not teach your child English in America and then send them to school speaking only spanish. If I call CPS for that I'd be laughed out of town! While **** isn't the nicest way to tell your child to "shush" it's far from CPS level abuse.
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Old 09-07-2010, 01:38 PM
 
556 posts, read 796,592 times
Reputation: 859
Quote:
Originally Posted by hothulamaui View Post
no child two or 3 years old should be in their room crying for 20, 30 mins several times a day. after a few minutes even if you can't calm a child completely down, being with them, holding them will help them feel better. yelling at a child this age to shut up or he will get another one is abusive, period. I would call the police for sure.

I don't care how overwhelmed this parent is none of these things are acceptable. there are programs to help. some people are not smart enough to want the help nor are they smart enough to change, so talking to them won't do anything.

call the police

Really? My 3 year old and 5 year old had all kinds of times where they spent 20+ minutes SCREAMING and crying in their room or in time out. If the child is stubborn it happens. You tell the 3 year old "don't throw food at the table", after day after day of them doing it you tell them "If you throw food at the table you are going in time out" they throw, you put them in their room. They scream, and scream and scream. You wait until they stop screaming and have a talk with them. The next day....they throw food at the table again.........and the cycle goes on. Every once in awhile you find your self going in their room to try and get them to calm down, they keep screaming. Once in a blue moon you "****" them, or even spank their butt. It happens.

I think a lot of people that have no understanding of these situations either don't have kids, have only children, have kids at least 3 years a part, and have never been 100% on their own raising kids (under the watchful eye of nosy neighbors and "perfect" moms).
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