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The bad thing about moving away is that you spend your vacations driving to see the family. And if you only get 2 weeks a year, like I do, it doesn't happen.
We live by my family currently, but are not close. So I could easily move away.
But my Dad moved away to FL. My family was unable to visit him for about 10 years because of kids, money issues, unemployment, etc. Luckily he is in a position where he visits us every year because he is retired and has the time and $$ now.
Our attitude is, he moved away from the area where all his familiy is. So that is just the way it has to go, we are just not in a position to take an expensive trip to FL every year.
AND it has been a problem for having a parent live so far away, in that when he needs medical help, etc. He is not getting any younger.
That may be the attitude relatives have when you move. They may guilt trip you, esp. if you have very involved grandparents. I would vote to NOT move, unless it is a financial necessity.
You can always cash in your home in syracuse and move out of there once the kids are out of high school.
It won't be easy. My daughter moved from NY, where I reside to Raleigh NC. I initally felt at a loss and I missed our impromtu brunches and shopping etc. But interestingly I discovered that whenever she flew in to visit our time together was what I call real quality time. Also we utilized our webcams to enjoy a virtual visits and it really helps. Also you can set up a myspace family page where the family can exchange photos and stay in touch you can look also into into skype.com you can make free calls over the internet to other people on skype for as long as you like, to wherever you like. It is free to download. Raliegh is wonderful and the weather is fabulous. I can tell you that my daughter doesn't miss the NY winters one bit. Though she does still miss the diversity of the NY scene.
My family lived over 1,000 miles away from most of my extended family while I was growing up. My grandparents on one side of my family and my aunt moved to a town about 4 hours away (from a place also over 1,000 miles away) while I was younger, so I got to visit them. Now most of my extended family lives over 2,500 miles away.
From my perspective while growing up, I never missed being near the rest of my family. I never felt left out when I compared myself to other friends who had all of their family close by. Also, I got to travel a lot more than most of my friends, and they were always jealous of that. I love to travel now that I am an adult, and I think part of the reason is all of the traveling I got to do as a child.
Also, I was born and raised in the same town, and moved away for the first time to attend college. I do not hang around any of my high school friends - I don't think that's a normal scenario for the majority of the people I know. People grow, change, and move on to different friends and stages of life. That's normal and ok, and will happen to everyone. My sister changed high schools and jr highs a few times (long story, but she is an honor student who was very well behaved so it wasn't for bad reasons.) She didn't like it at first, but in the end she ended up with more social skills and more friends than the vast majority of her peers. I think it made her stronger and healthier than she would have been had she been given a more "stable" educational environment.
To sum it up, all of these factors that so many posters are placing so much importance on aren't really the "make or break" factors that you should be basing your decision on in my opinion and experience. If you give your children love and support, and help them face whatever challenges they will face, no matter what decision you make, then you have done the best you can and the most you can to help them develop into happy, well developed adults. Make whatever decision you think is best for your family and don't think about the what ifs. Besides, if you are all miserable at your new location, then you can always move back to the northeast.
Well, I've always moved all over without thinking much about it. I'm in TX now. Most of my family is in upstate NY and my new husband's family in Ohio. My kids are now 6 and 9 and I am really missing having family in their lives. I know they all miss my kids too. I want to move back to Ohio as then we could drive to NY. Unfortunately I'm tied to an ex-husband here via the kids so no luck for now.
I do think based on your post that you would miss all the family interaction you have.
We are having our first child in a few months and I want to move ASAP. For me the goal is to be able to obtain a job where I am going to be happier and in turn be a better husband and father. I work so much and am a miserable, nasty person. All of my family is HERE but they are very different people from us, however we still do see them often and want to keep them in our life and our children's life. My wife's family is here, and I know she would like to see them often, however we do not need to see my family, who is also here, as much.
There is some tension here also because while financially we are comfortable, but there is not a lot of room for making less. Its sort of like either we are doing OK financially and I hate my job, or I could do something I would like more but we would not even get by. So I loathe my job so I feel a resentment towards living here like living here is forcing me to have the job that I despise.
Furthermore, and more importantly (yes, nuclear family first) both myself and my wife would like a better QOL for our family (which I think we will find by moving) but she is scared about moving. We are only talking about moving 1-1.5 hours away.
Anyone have any suggestions about how to proceed. I am letting her know that if things do not work out we will be able to come back and say "at least we tried"...... I am even suggesting we rent out our existing home, so we can literally come back to the same exact place. I don't think we would even lose money due to lower COL in the new location.
Help!
Last edited by joe moving; 02-28-2010 at 09:56 AM..
The bad thing about moving away is that you spend your vacations driving to see the family. And if you only get 2 weeks a year, like I do, it doesn't happen.
We live by my family currently, but are not close. So I could easily move away.
But my Dad moved away to FL. My family was unable to visit him for about 10 years because of kids, money issues, unemployment, etc. Luckily he is in a position where he visits us every year because he is retired and has the time and $$ now.
Our attitude is, he moved away from the area where all his familiy is. So that is just the way it has to go, we are just not in a position to take an expensive trip to FL every year.
AND it has been a problem for having a parent live so far away, in that when he needs medical help, etc. He is not getting any younger.
That may be the attitude relatives have when you move. They may guilt trip you, esp. if you have very involved grandparents. I would vote to NOT move, unless it is a financial necessity.
You can always cash in your home in syracuse and move out of there once the kids are out of high school.
Hi,
I am only "quoting" this post, because we can completely relate to having to use the vacay time that you or your spouse receives, to visit family...
Our situation is a little different in the fact that we moved away from our family prior to having our children, so ours have known no difference. They haven't ever had their grandparents close enough to know what that is like.
With that said, it was and still is (almost 15 years later) difficult on me.
We are from WNY also (Roch area) and have moved around the East coast quite a bit for my husband's job.
I miss my family & friends terribly, especially during special events.
We have always though,made the effort to be home for most of them and I have to say, our family is very good about visiting us as well.
Now that we have our children, we spend most of my husband's vacation time visiting home, and well although it is wonderful, we would also love to be able to go someplace else once in awhile.
We feel guilty if we don't go home and our children LOVE being with their grandparents and cousins of course, but sometimes, it really isn't a vacation for us. It is feeling bad because we didn't get to see this person or that person,etc..... sometimes, we would just like do to our own thing.
Also,for me, because I am a stay at home parent right now, I know that if we were closer to our friends & family, I would have more of a support system. With both of you working, you probably have one in place there, I think you have to think about what you will not have when/if you move away.
On the plus side, moving has given us the opportunity to HAVE to do things alone, I do without the "free" babysitters and being able to rely on my family for things... It has given us the opportunity to meet new people from different areas and I use to look at it as an "adventure"....
In the end, you have to think about what is most important to you & your family. Your children honestly, will do fine I am sure! They adjust easier than we do as adults! They will miss having their family around,but they will meet friends and that will become normal for them, and going home will be all the more exciting for them!
The ocean will always be there and you can take vacations there, however,being from WNY and seeing the stagnant growth and somewhat depressing environment that exists there, I can understand wanting to move away,especially to NC where it is beautiful and growing....
(I am still a HUGE advocate of WNY though, so please dont' take that as an insult to the area, it is just the facts right now...).
It was an easier decision for us to move (it was for my husband's job) when we did, again, we didn't have our children at that time, we had only been married a year when we moved away... it was fun & exciting at the time
Our issue is that we're having a hard time uprooting the kids away from their grandparents, aunts/uncles, and cousins. I think of different occasions when we have alot of family around - birthday parties, graduations, recitals, ballgames - and can't help but think that those events would be much less meaningful without family around.
Anyways, I'd like to hear from any of you who moved your family away and may have struggled with the same feelingsand how you dealt with them.
I grew up in Seattle and all of my family is in Washington state. My husband grew up in Phoenix and all of his family is in Arizona.
My husband was in the Air Force and when we married in 1999, we moved to Germany for 3 years, then to Arizona (where my oldest was born), then to Florida and now we live permanently (he's retired from the Air Force) in Denver (where my youngest was born). My children (age 7 and 2) don't have regular contact with their cousins and they say things like "I have another cousin?" when they met a few at my grandfather's funeral.
To be honest, there ARE times when I wish we had family close by. My 2-year old's birthday was spent at ChuckECheese with me, my husband and my older daughter. Guess what? We had a great time without all of the hoopla. I grew up with big parties full of family, lots of family members at graduations and sporting events, etc. I suppose that would be nice for my kids too but since it's not realistic, we have done the best we can and our kids don't know the difference. Frankly, now that we've been away for a while, being around their cousins starts to wear on their nerves. After about 2 hours in Arizona, my daughter asked me why she had "fake Uggs" because her cousins told her that her shoes weren't as cool as theirs since it didn't say "Ugg" on them. Gawd. It was nice to see them but it was even better to get the heck away from all of that nonsense.
Perhaps your family is not this way. Perhaps they genuinely would love and care for your children and be an integral part of their lives. It's a choice you have to make. It took us a while but we've been able to really bond as a family unit and have a great time doing stuff with just the 4 of us. As my daughter gets older and works her way through school, her birthdays have evolved from just family events to inviting a few of her friends to a party.
We're also lucky that our kids have grandparents who come to visit throughout the year. We also have Skype so they can talk to each other on the computer and see each other too.
But if a good job presents itself or you are just sick-and-tired of living where you do, then you need to move. Families are wonderful and cousins do become friends many times, but your children will grow up happier if YOU are happy. Your vacations and birthday parties can be just as fun if they're done with just your immediate family instead of the whole gang. Your kids will meet lots of friends at their new schools and neighborhoods too. It was hard for me to find a place and meet new people but after about a year, I've found things to do and nice people to do them with. You make your "family" where you find it.
i am you 3 years later--lol
so we moved from NJ to NC for a couple of reasons, weather being one of them. at the time, we thought, well, we see the whole family a few times a year--no big deal. and my parents and brother will come down or we will go up for the important events and holidays.
well true enough, we have celebrated our son's bday together, we have spent christmas together, but that is about it!
thanksgiving is just one day for us since some members of the family are expected at work the next day---and 500 miles is too much for 1 day.
Easter--same thing. 4th of july, as if it were not really a family holiday at all.
we get through it cause we have awesome neighbors who are also in our shoes, and it's really a bunch of us that get together. but i often feel bad for my parents and brother as they are the ones left behind.
it seems silly sometimes that we moved so far for the weather and cost of living, but at the time it was what we thought the right thing to do.
now my son misses out on what would probably be daily interaction with grandparents who have no other grand kids....
so it was either live with a VERY budget--and possibly have to move in with my family, or come down here for a "better" life.
i am still on the fence. some days i wish i were "home" and some days i am happy to be here.
i guess that wasn't much help!
i am still on the fence. some days i wish i were "home" and some days i am happy to be here.
i guess that wasn't much help!
It takes time. I am close with my parents and my sister and it's hard when they leave after a fun visit. I know my parents wish they were closer but that's just not the reality of our situation and until my mom retires, they can't move anyway.
The only time I really get a "tug" on my heart about it is when there's a special event that they are going to miss out on. I see the seats full of grandparents and relatives of the other kids in her class and then it's just a small group for my daughter. Sometimes she'll ask "can Grandma and Grandpa come?" and she seems sad that they can't. Again, though, she's 7 and after the end of her concert/dance recital/swim meet, she's just happy to go to Cold Stone Creamery! Kids are resilient and "cousins" are easily replaced by "friends."
On a side note, it's interesting to me to visit with family members I haven't seen in a while. Most of them make me nuts (the Ugg example I gave above is one of them) and I realize that if my daughter didn't have such nice friends and if I hadn't met nice people who I actually have something in common with besides my bloodlines, I probably wouldn't think anything of their immaturity, selfishness, or their constant need to one-up each other. At least on my husband's side of the family (not including his parents who are wonderful), I usually leave a visit with his siblings and my kids' cousins with a huge sigh of relief.
All things being equal I'd stay near family. Having that support system is important but you never realize that until you don't have it. If it's just a "weather" thing I wouldn't move. If you have other reasons then add them up and see how it looks on paper. Just remember, if you are close to your family and on good terms you need to consider everyone, not just yourself. For instance, if your parents need assistance at some point is there anyone there to do it if you leave? Can you help them out from where you are living? Can anyone help you if you run into trouble, are suddenly single due to death or divorce? Will your kids benefit from regular interaction with family? Etc. Yes, you will meet other people, even other families in your same situation if you move. But they all moved once and are likely to move again. You can't always count on "people you know at the time" because there is no connection to them other than not having family nearby or having kids the same age or living on the same street.
Maybe your could convince some family to make the move with you? My family did that. We didn't go out of state but we all moved to a new area within a few years of each other.
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