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Hmmm i'm not sure when i waitressed the boys there shared pretty soft details that you are saying they wouldn't with each other.
I don't think you got what I was trying to say.
Kids have a different relationship with their parents than their friends. They will tell their parents things they would never tell their friends. They will tell their parents that they are upset that a girl wants him only for sex. They will NEVER admit that to their male friends.
Additionally, there are things they will tell their friends that they will not tell their parents. Like details of what they did with particular girls. Are YOU really interested in hearing those details? I' m not.
I think it's totally appropriate for kids to have different relationships with different people.
I personally don't think a teen is going to walk into the house and give her mom or parents this information. It isn't that our kids don't love us.....it is just that there aren't things about their life they are going to share with their parents.... ever.....and discussing their sex life is probably one of them.
Teen is such an ambiguous term. Theres a huge difference between 13 and 18.
Mine is 15, she never would say this lol, but I would say, so are you ready to raise a child as well?
If she was 18, I guess I would get her on birth control. Not the pill, but the 5 year mirena cup that they insert. Much less side effects and no chance of forgetting to take the pill.
I'm just speaking from my experience. I have a 16 year old daughter who became sexually active her second year of high school. She did not tell me. I found out because I read her diary. I took her to Planned Parenthood and sat down with her and the counselor. The counselor explained her options a lot better than I could at the time. It took so much for me to hold back tears during that meeting. My thing is it's important for her to understand safety. I can lock her up in a closet and tell her over and over again not to have sex, but the reality of it is what's going to happen when I'm not around. She's been getting the shot since last year and can now talk openly with me about the topic without either one of us feeling uncomfortable.
Teen is such an ambiguous term. Theres a huge difference between 13 and 18.
Mine is 15, she never would say this lol, but I would say, so are you ready to raise a child as well?
If she was 18, I guess I would get her on birth control. Not the pill, but the 5 year mirena cup that they insert. Much less side effects and no chance of forgetting to take the pill.
If she was 18 though, she wouldn't need you for that :-P
If she was 18, I guess I would get her on birth control. Not the pill, but the 5 year mirena cup that they insert. Much less side effects and no chance of forgetting to take the pill.
Are't you supposed to have had a child to have a mirena? I googled mirena cup and nothing comes up.
So what do you do in that situation? Do you show them bc methods and take them out to get them. Do you say OH HEEEELLL NOOO and lock them in a closet? Or do you just say "thats nice honey just clean up when you are done"?
Is this the same teen sleeping in community bed?
You sit them down for as long as it takes, show them all the articles on sexually transmitted diseases, with pictures. Then you pull out your financial records and show them how expensive it is to raise a child and explain that if they are ready for sex then they are ready to face the responsibility for the life that sex may create. Then you take them apartment hunting, have them work out a budget to pay rent, food, cell phone, utilities, transportation, etc... .
You then tell them if they are going to have sex like an adult they will have to support themselves like an adult while finishing school. Then march them down to the employment office because obviously the kid has too much time on his/her hands and ahould be working at least 30hrs./wk. in addition to going to school.
You sit them down for as long as it takes, show them all the articles on sexually transmitted diseases, with pictures. Then you pull out your financial records and show them how expensive it is to raise a child and explain that if they are ready for sex then they are ready to face the responsibility for the life that sex may create. Then you take them apartment hunting, have them work out a budget to pay rent, food, cell phone, utilities, transportation, etc... .
You then tell them if they are going to have sex like an adult they will have to support themselves like an adult while finishing school. Then march them down to the employment office because obviously the kid has too much time on his/her hands and ahould be working at least 30hrs./wk. in addition to going to school.
The biggest thing is it's not about telling boys to have "cheap thrills" or that girls are their "play things." That "play thing" comment a very negative view of men and sex in general. Very disturbing. I would never in a million years given my daughter such a negative opinion about men and sex.
Maybe there are weird fathers out there with that mentality, never heard it until it was mentioned in this thread. But most parents who teach children about contraception and avoiding pregnancy and STDs aren't teaching it to impress that women are "play things." We simply do not want a teen pregnancy in our family.
What you said clearly worked with your daughter. (Sadly, she might have a negative view of men and sex as an adult woman though---like her mother does.)
But you really have no way of knowing if your sons had sex. Even at 16, they could have truly felt they loved and cared about a girl enough to spend 20 years with them. Sounds like you lucked out without there being a teen pregnancy or STD, either on sheer luck or their learning about condoms in sex ed.
Thank goodness the schools teach about condoms in sex ed.
I not only tell my daughter about not being used as a plaything - but tell my sons not to use girls as playthings.
I realize a boy might become depressed about being used for sex - although many boys wouldn't admit they're just being used or might believe they'd like to be used just for sex but still suffer because of an inability to develop an emotional relationship with a girl.
None of my kids are allowed to date until after age 16 - boys or girls. Not all young teens have sex at all - and that's what I want for my young teens. Not all older teens have sex at all - but once a child becomes an adult, of course they're on their own with these issues - but as a parent, I believe it's the parent's job to try to get them to adulthood as unharmed as possible.
I've seen 15 year olds at 3 or 4 am in an Emergency room who had tried to overdose on a bottle of tylenol or worse over the breakup of a relationship. Kids too young to even be in a relationship in the first place but it was obvious to me that these relationships weren't just sweet dates to a movie but too serious, too intimate.
There are boys who will use a girl as a plaything and toss her aside and so it's fair enough to warn a daughter about them and advise her on how to avoid becoming just a notch on some guys belt. And also advising sons the same - whether they're the notchee or the notcher. One of my sons told me of a female friend at age 16 who came crying into the cafeteria because she told her boyfriend she thought she might be pregnant and he simply told her "that's okay, I already broke up with you, you might as well get an abortion".
Kids to toss each other aside quite casually - and it's bad enough if it was just a puppy love and innocent crush - but when sexual intimacy is involved and the emotions are very immature it can be very damaging psychologically. Sure it's easy to just get them on birth control and tell them to have at it - and for some kids maybe that's all you can do.
If my kids discuss sex with me, I'll repeat all my usual warnings and advice, and I think tha'ts what they expect me to do - but then if I had some wild child that was already getting it on with everyone who came along, I might take another route and just take care of the physical aspect.
For example a friend of mine was telling me about his daughter of age 15 who was completely out of control. She would come home drunk at 4 am, they would try to ground her and later check her room and find the window open, they knew she was hanging around older kids. If he and his wife would try to talk to her, she would tell them to "f" off. I really don't know what could be done except to get a girl like that on birth control and at least try to get her to use condoms.
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