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I have talked to my oldest daughter (17 years old now) for years about sex, birth control, ect. All she has to do is say she needs to go to the GYN. Our GYN's name is Melissa, my oldest knows her, has seen her a couple of times for various things. Once she thought she had a lump in her breast. I was fairly sure it was related to her cycle...but I took her anyway. I figured it would be a good time to introduce her to Melissa and let her talk to her a bit and get comfortable.
My younger one is 13 now. She decided she was "itchy" and needed to go to the Dr. So I took her to see Melissa. They chatted, she examined her and now she is comfortable with her too. Melissa has teens of her own so she is pretty good with them, I think.
Both of mine know all they have to do is say so and I will take them to get birth control. By no means do I want an unplanned pregnancy or worse, a disease for my daughters. The pregnancy might not be the end of the world but the disease might.
Your teen child comes home and tells you she/he feels ready for sex, what do you do?
Pick an answer.....
a) Tell them sorry your too busy right now.
b) Ask them if they have done their chores yet.
c) Say I am flattered but surely someone your own age would be more appropriate.
On a more serious side, To me sex is a part of marriage. They should aim to abstain until they are married. Absolutely sex should be enjoyable. But sex can produce babies and babies need both parents. Sex with multiple partners can spread disease. I am just waiting for someone to build a modern chastity belt for teens.
Pick an answer.....
a) Tell them sorry your too busy right now.
b) Ask them if they have done their chores yet.
c) Say I am flattered but surely someone your own age would be more appropriate.
On a more serious side, To me sex is a part of marriage. They should aim to abstain until they are married. Absolutely sex should be enjoyable. But sex can produce babies and babies need both parents. Sex with multiple partners can spread disease. I am just waiting for someone to build a modern chastity belt for teens.
Of course it can spread them i agree which is why one needs to be safe. And while i do respect peoples right to abstain it also doesn't tend to work with teens.
I have actual experience. I have an 18 year old daughter, a 13 year old son and an 8 year old son.
Our daughter at the age of 17 was feeling pressured by her then boyfriend to have sex. She came to my husband to discuss her feelings. Now, granted, my DH and I are very conservative LDS (Mormons) and we teach our children abstinence until marriage (just like Mom and Dad )
So I felt very happy that she felt comfortable enough to talk with him about it and how she felt it was not right.
Shortly thereafter she broke up with him. He was very immature, into porn, and she did not agree with his views on life.
We started talking to her about sex from about age 12. These were heartfelt conversations in a loving manner from a parent to a child. We told her about us and our decision to wait. We told her how wonderful it feels to be together on your wedding night and not have the "magic" erased by premarital sex. We tell her how special it is to have only one partner, forever.
But that's just my experience. We are doing the same with our son.
IF my two sons came to me in the future telling me they want to have sex, I would gently remind them of our baptismal covenants and tie it into our religious beliefs. We don't just talk the talk..we walk the walk
Sex is not something to be done casually for a few hours of pleasure. Sex is a precious thing to be enjoyed by husband and wife.
That's what we teach and that's what my daughter believes.
Something very similar happened to me.
My daughter called me at work to say she didn't know what to do, her boyfriend was pressuring her for sex and what's worse, his mother was involved - telling her that if she loves a man, she must make sacrifices.
Of course I was infuriorated - a mother trying to help her momma's-boy son have some sexual fun at my daughter's expense.
So I hurried home and told her again how "true love waits" and that he was a pathetic loser that he would even run to his mommy about her not putting out.
She ended up going over to his house and fortunately breaking up with him. She was sad. A few days later he came begging to get back together and promised he wouldn't pressure her any more, she took him back but they broke off for good a few months later.
Later she confided she was glad she didn't end up sleeping with guys that later on she wondered why she ever liked in the first place or ever had a date with.
I never expeceted it and it never happened. I took care of myself and they took care of themselves. If you have to talk to your parents before you have sex you straight up aren't ready to be having it. Education is of importance, but the actual "deed" isn't a family matter. It's just between the two participants.
I pretty much agree. I think the parents' job is to teach self-esteem, make sure a girl isn't agreeing to sex because the boy expects it, or she feels she must have a boyfriend no matter what, and of course knows that the boyfriend no matter how much he lies to her will most likely not stick around to help with any babies that result.
The parents need to make sure their children aren't having sex at young ages, that they are knowledgeable enough about reproduction and all the consequences.
I don't really understand parents who have to know all the intimate details. That's a line I don't think has to be crossed. If a son tells you he's going to "f" his girlfriend, do you give the talk about not using a girl just for sex or do you run out and buy him condoms and tell him to enjoy his new sexual plaything?
But - once kids are truly adults, and ready for marriage or sex - they're not going to come to you to buy their condoms.
My daughter called me at work to say she didn't know what to do, her boyfriend was pressuring her for sex and what's worse, his mother was involved - telling her that if she loves a man, she must make sacrifices.
OMG! That's absolutely shocking!
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute
f course I was infuriorated - a mother trying to help her momma's-boy son have some sexual fun at my daughter's expense.
I hope you gave her a peice of your mind!
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute
I don't really understand parents who have to know all the intimate details.
Yep. I think that's a bizzare. My girlfriend had a friend whose parents were like that. It was freaky weird. She felt so uncomfortable around the family. They had two teenage daughters who were close to my friend's age. One night when she was over for dinner, the parents started a conversation about sex. And it was a detailed conversation with their daughters sharing details about their sexual relationships with their boyfriends. My girlfriend told me about this because she was horrified to be witness to such a conversation between parents and their children, not to mention they were having this conversation with a guest at the dinner table!
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute
That's a line I don't think has to be crossed. If a son tells you he's going to "f" his girlfriend, do you give the talk about not using a girl just for sex or do you run out and buy him condoms and tell him to enjoy his new sexual plaything?
I think you're painting an inaccurate picture of most families that do recognize teenagers will have sex. I've never been told details and I've never wanted details.
The "don't use girl just for sex" talk comes much earlier. When a teen says he needs condoms, most parents would make sure the teen had condoms or knew how to get condoms! OMG, the result of just giving a lecture could be pregnancy or an STD.
I realize some parents feel so strongly about abstinence that they'd rather risk a pregnancy than the appearance of condoning premarital sex. That's just not me. I felt more strongly about avoiding teen pregnancy. I'm not the type of parent who would tollerate a teen pregnancy. Teen pregnancy is just utter and complete sheer stupidity IMO.
You have little children right? How is this relevant to where you are at this point of your parenting?
To answer:
If you wait until your children think they are ready for sex before you have the birth control talk, you're too darn late.
Explaining birth control is part of the complete sex education most parents provide their children LONG before the children are 'ready' for sex.
Well said!
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