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Old 09-19-2010, 12:53 PM
 
Location: here and then there...!
947 posts, read 3,099,998 times
Reputation: 596

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Hey there,
don't know where to post this, but here goes...

I am trying to find a book and have searched and read some reviews but hard to know what book would be the best and most useful for this situation....

I have a mother, that is "toxic" ...
I am in my 30's and don't have kids, my sister is older with 3 kids.
Anyway, my mother is very damaging to my sis 3 kids, has been always...
as I know I am not the mother of my sisters kids, I do see what she does and she (my mom) always complains about and talks negatively about my sister (her daughter!) and yet my sister still lets the kids go over there etc.

she, my mom, has many issues...
she just a not nice person, I would never be friends with a person such as her and therefore it is always tense when around her and I actually rather not be.

She is very backstabbing, misleading, manipulative, blames others, put the burden on others, brags about her "church friends and family"
etc etc etc...
anyway I don't even know if she would read such a book... although I hope so, but just wondering of anyone might have a suggestion!?

thanks in advance

i know dissconect is a good thing to do, (I have pretty much done so) but would be nice if she worked on herself and since my sister still lets our mom have the 3 kids over... she really needs to stop damaging their little minds!

I was thinking of a Dr Laura book, because she is so well known and good place to start... but I welcome all suggestions and comments!!!
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Old 09-19-2010, 01:14 PM
 
Location: Minnesota
1,484 posts, read 3,483,635 times
Reputation: 2414
flat out.. back up you cant fix this issue with Mom.. and evendently your sister doesnt have the issues with mom that you do .. so I think a dose of MYOB is in order
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Old 09-19-2010, 01:22 PM
 
Location: Rockwall
678 posts, read 1,356,642 times
Reputation: 1123
I'm sorry about your Mom. I can relate. I'm not sure a book will make a difference. Most people who behave as your Mom does, do not believe they need to "work on themselves". In her eyes, she's fine. Everyone else is screwed up and it's her responsibilty to point it out.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Old 09-19-2010, 01:23 PM
 
222 posts, read 724,724 times
Reputation: 190
Spend as little time as possible with her and make the phone convos short.
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Old 09-19-2010, 01:25 PM
 
Location: here and then there...!
947 posts, read 3,099,998 times
Reputation: 596
actually sis does have same issues...

she back stabs me and her... has on and off over Years!!!

we are a very close family, well, sister and I are very close and help her with kids lots in past as well.
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Old 09-19-2010, 01:29 PM
 
Location: here and then there...!
947 posts, read 3,099,998 times
Reputation: 596
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragonfly8 View Post
I'm sorry about your Mom. I can relate. I'm not sure a book will make a difference. Most people who behave as your Mom does, do not believe they need to "work on themselves". In her eyes, she's fine. Everyone else is screwed up and it's her responsibilty to point it out.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Exactly, but it is disappointing... but I do know that a "book" is not The answer...
and as disappointing as it is... ummm well, guess that is how it is.

she has interfered with relationships of mine with men and my sisters. says things that are just Untrue and blatant Lies!! made up stories etc.

sad that people... whether family or not are like that.

thanks.
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Old 09-19-2010, 01:33 PM
 
Location: Minnesota
1,484 posts, read 3,483,635 times
Reputation: 2414
better advise then.. get your sister the book called
Say No to Toxic people


she will figure it out and save her children .. you could buy a copy for your mom as well ..
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Old 09-19-2010, 01:37 PM
 
Location: NW Montana
6,258 posts, read 13,287,822 times
Reputation: 3436
Please listen to the good advice you are getting. We all like to save others, it is a very powerful feeling.
You cannot change others, only your reaction to them. Move on you deserve a life.
Best of luck.
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Old 09-19-2010, 02:55 PM
 
Location: here and then there...!
947 posts, read 3,099,998 times
Reputation: 596
thanks much you guys.
it means a lot.

i know i can never change people...

tried to talk with her and have always... gotten nowhere!

she starts to cry i mean, Ball..!
saying that i am being mean, insensitive etc...
and then blames others and justifies actions...
gets no where, i have ended up comforting her in the end! haha when it was me that was hurt in the first place! HAHA

well, disconnect is the best, conversations short...
family does not always stay together and help each other out i guess ... when they are toxic.
she and those like my mom, will never see it, never see the way that she is behaving... oh well.
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Old 09-19-2010, 04:52 PM
 
16,608 posts, read 19,050,364 times
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My bet is you mean this book

Amazon.com: Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life (9780553284348): Susan Forward: Books

Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hateful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan Forward
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