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I have an 11-year-old daughter and lately she's hurt my feelings by telling me that I embarrass her.
Last weekend she went to "teen night" at our local ice rink. They serve pizza and play music and a lot of the local middle and high-school students go to hang out with their friends. Our church youth group takes kids from our church and parents pick them up.
I told her I'd pick her up at 9:30, but when I arrived she wasn't waiting outside for me. I called her on her cell phone, but there was no service inside the rink so I went inside to find her.
Once inside I saw one of the church youth leaders and she offered to find my daughter. As soon as my daughter saw me she said, "I don't know you," and walked past me. I followed her to the lobby where the kids change out of their skates and she told me to go away because I was "embarrassing" her. When she got into the car she started complaining and asking why I had to go inside the rink.
Tomorrow is a school dance and the principal is looking for parent chaperones. She didn't give me the sign-up sheet they sent home. Instead, my husband saw it on the school website. When he mentioned that one of us would like to chaperone she threw a fit. Then she said that if we had to chaperone, he should do it because he is less embarrassing.
Is it normal for tweens to behave like this? I don't do anything to embarrass my kids. I'm soft-spoken, definitely not the type to talk loudly to her friends or make inappropriate jokes. I take care of myself physically, dress fashionably yet appropriately for my age, etc.
The only thing I can think of is that she's complained that I blend in with the kids at the middle school when I come to school functions because I'm short and thin, and look much younger than my age. But, these aren't characteristics I can change. Besides, is being short and thin any worse than being an overweight or obese parent, or a parent that looks older than her age?
Can any parents of tweens or teens share similar experiences or offer advice on how to effectively communicate with my daughter when she's accusing me of being embarrassing? Thanks.
It is perfectly normal. I was lucky enough to escape it, but it definitely is normal.
My parents used to square dance when I was a kid and they were coming to pick me up at the local skating rink after their dance. They wanted to see what all the fun was about so they came into the rink to get me. In their square dance outfits!!!! It still horrifies me 30 years later. lol. So kudos to you for staying fashionable and looking young
Yep normal. Once my kids got to middle school they made it clear that they did not want me chaperoning things like dances (for some reason, field trips were still ok...). I did use it as a threat from time to time though....as in "do not underestimate my capability to really embarrass you - next time there is a dance, your father and I will dress up like Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake, dance like dorks and wear signs that tell everyone who's parents we are...so watch your step young lady".....
I might have talk with her laying down some groundrules though. It's one thing to be a young teen and feel embarrassed by your parents, it's another thing to be rude and disrespectful though. Have a conversation and come up with a plan that suits both your needs.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaMc46
I have an 11-year-old daughter and lately she's hurt my feelings by telling me that I embarrass her.
Last weekend she went to "teen night" at our local ice rink. They serve pizza and play music and a lot of the local middle and high-school students go to hang out with their friends. Our church youth group takes kids from our church and parents pick them up.
I told her I'd pick her up at 9:30, but when I arrived she wasn't waiting outside for me. I called her on her cell phone, but there was no service inside the rink so I went inside to find her.
Once inside I saw one of the church youth leaders and she offered to find my daughter. As soon as my daughter saw me she said, "I don't know you," and walked past me. I followed her to the lobby where the kids change out of their skates and she told me to go away because I was "embarrassing" her. When she got into the car she started complaining and asking why I had to go inside the rink.
Tomorrow is a school dance and the principal is looking for parent chaperones. She didn't give me the sign-up sheet they sent home. Instead, my husband saw it on the school website. When he mentioned that one of us would like to chaperone she threw a fit. Then she said that if we had to chaperone, he should do it because he is less embarrassing.
Is it normal for tweens to behave like this? I don't do anything to embarrass my kids. I'm soft-spoken, definitely not the type to talk loudly to her friends or make inappropriate jokes. I take care of myself physically, dress fashionably yet appropriately for my age, etc.
The only thing I can think of is that she's complained that I blend in with the kids at the middle school when I come to school functions because I'm short and thin, and look much younger than my age. But, these aren't characteristics I can change. Besides, is being short and thin any worse than being an overweight or obese parent, or a parent that looks older than her age?
Can any parents of tweens or teens share similar experiences or offer advice on how to effectively communicate with my daughter when she's accusing me of being embarrassing? Thanks.
While it is normal, I would put her in her place with her attitude towards you. I also think that her embarrassment should *not* stop you from chaperoning the dance. Someone has to do it and any of the other teens will be just as embarrassed by their parents as your daughter is by you.
It's normal and, while I understand where kids are coming from, I think I might be hurt if my son (he's almost 10) acted outright hostile toward me as a tween.
As Magritte said, I think the best thing to do would be to address her attitude and possibly putting her in her place.
Completely normal as others said, but....she was really, really disrespectful. As other mentioned, I would sit down and have a talk with her about that. Did you point out to her that if she had been outside at the designated time like she should have been, then you wouldn't have had to go inside to find her?
I think I chaperoned once for a dance when my son was in 6th grade. He didn't particularly care since he didn't dance anyway. But it was the last time I did anything like that because they really start wanting their space. Given though that he's not much into the social aspects of school and doesn't get embarrassed easily, it's sort of been a non issue for us. Girls are way different I'm sure!
I have an 11-year-old daughter and lately she's hurt my feelings by telling me that I embarrass her.
Normal. It stinks but it's pretty normal.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaMc46
I told her I'd pick her up at 9:30, but when I arrived she wasn't waiting outside for me. I called her on her cell phone, but there was no service inside the rink so I went inside to find her.
Once inside I saw one of the church youth leaders and she offered to find my daughter. As soon as my daughter saw me she said, "I don't know you," and walked past me.
While her embarrassment is normal her behavior towards you is unacceptable. You need to deal with this. I would tell her that if she is supposed to be outside at 9:30 then she should be there. If she is not there you will come inside and look for her. Put the responsibility where it belongs ON HER.
If she doesn't want you to come inside then she should be where she is supposed to be.
As far as saying she doesn't know you and ignoring you, I would tell her that if you have to go inside and get her (which you would not have to do if she is doing what she is supposed to do) she needs to treat you with respect. If she doesn't then she cannot go out. Don't yell. Just tell her and follow up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaMc46
I followed her to the lobby where the kids change out of their skates and she told me to go away because I was "embarrassing" her. When she got into the car she started complaining and asking why I had to go inside the rink.
This is where you tell her that if she had done what she was supposed to do you wouldn't need to come inside. Don't yell. Don't escalate. Don't allow the discussion to continue. Just tell her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaMc46
Tomorrow is a school dance and the principal is looking for parent chaperones. She didn't give me the sign-up sheet they sent home. Instead, my husband saw it on the school website. When he mentioned that one of us would like to chaperone she threw a fit. Then she said that if we had to chaperone, he should do it because he is less embarrassing.
I would chaperone the dance just to make a point. Don't talk to her while she is there though. Ignore her and don't go out of your way to embarrass her. Just be there. Do not allow her to tell you what you will and will not do. You are the parent. Again, no yelling. Be calm.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaMc46
Is it normal for tweens to behave like this? I don't do anything to embarrass my kids. I'm soft-spoken, definitely not the type to talk loudly to her friends or make inappropriate jokes. I take care of myself physically, dress fashionably yet appropriately for my age, etc.
The only thing I can think of is that she's complained that I blend in with the kids at the middle school when I come to school functions because I'm short and thin, and look much younger than my age. But, these aren't characteristics I can change. Besides, is being short and thin any worse than being an overweight or obese parent, or a parent that looks older than her age?
Can any parents of tweens or teens share similar experiences or offer advice on how to effectively communicate with my daughter when she's accusing me of being embarrassing? Thanks.
Totally normal. Unacceptable but normal.
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It still horrifies me 30 years later. lol. So kudos to you for staying fashionable and looking young 
