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Old 09-21-2010, 04:13 PM
 
63 posts, read 92,320 times
Reputation: 31

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Well, my daughter is still living with her bf in his parent's basement. She is working and going to school. We gave her the car she had been driving while living at home and asked her to pay the insurance. She paid a couple of months to us but seriously I think that she should get her own policy in her name if she wants to be on her own. I am not really sure of the liability of having her on our policy when she live elsewhere. Plus she can never seem to pay on time, it's always 2 to 3 weeks late. My husband wants to get her off the policy asap but I keep prolonging it hoping that things will get a little better for her financially, which doesn't seem to be happening yet.

She has been calling and coming around to visit more which is good and even talking about applying to some local universities for next fall, also good news. I don't even want to ask if she plans to commute or to continue living where she is, afraid it may start an argument or some not so agreeable words. So I just keep praying and trying to live my life and focus on my other kids but it is hard. I love and miss her so much. Her little brother occasionally asks why she just can't live with us.

I realize she is trying to grow up and be more responsible but she honestly has no money. All her money goes to gas, tuition and car insurance and buying fast food for her meals. It makes me sad that she struggles. She would have so much more if she was at home where she would only be responsible for her car insurance and gas. We would pay her tuition and drs/dental visits, of course she would have her meals provided (which she does a good job raiding our fridge whenever she is over ).
But that is not what she has chosen. It's tough when you don't know if or when they ever will come back. I believe her bfs mother likes having her there and will do whatever to keep her. With her around he doesn't hang around his old friends and party.

Thanks to everyone for their support this summer and even though I understand there is no magic formula or trick to make everything "just right"...I still wish there was. It is hard to just let go and let things be what they are. I am learning to not have my personal identity attached to other peoples actions and try to accept others for who and what they are.

I just want everything to be better.
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Old 09-21-2010, 04:38 PM
 
Location: here
24,843 posts, read 31,763,292 times
Reputation: 32500
thanks for the update. Can you add a link to the other thread so I can refresh my memory?
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Old 09-21-2010, 04:46 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
22,982 posts, read 24,628,164 times
Reputation: 39693
Quote:
Originally Posted by Georgette52010 View Post
Well, my daughter is still living with her bf in his parent's basement. She is working and going to school. We gave her the car she had been driving while living at home and asked her to pay the insurance. She paid a couple of months to us but seriously I think that she should get her own policy in her name if she wants to be on her own. I am not really sure of the liability of having her on our policy when she live elsewhere. Plus she can never seem to pay on time, it's always 2 to 3 weeks late. My husband wants to get her off the policy asap but I keep prolonging it hoping that things will get a little better for her financially, which doesn't seem to be happening yet.

She has been calling and coming around to visit more which is good and even talking about applying to some local universities for next fall, also good news. I don't even want to ask if she plans to commute or to continue living where she is, afraid it may start an argument or some not so agreeable words. So I just keep praying and trying to live my life and focus on my other kids but it is hard. I love and miss her so much. Her little brother occasionally asks why she just can't live with us.

I realize she is trying to grow up and be more responsible but she honestly has no money. All her money goes to gas, tuition and car insurance and buying fast food for her meals. It makes me sad that she struggles. She would have so much more if she was at home where she would only be responsible for her car insurance and gas. We would pay her tuition and drs/dental visits, of course she would have her meals provided (which she does a good job raiding our fridge whenever she is over ).
But that is not what she has chosen. It's tough when you don't know if or when they ever will come back. I believe her bfs mother likes having her there and will do whatever to keep her. With her around he doesn't hang around his old friends and party.

Thanks to everyone for their support this summer and even though I understand there is no magic formula or trick to make everything "just right"...I still wish there was. It is hard to just let go and let things be what they are. I am learning to not have my personal identity attached to other peoples actions and try to accept others for who and what they are.

I just want everything to be better.

A couple of things:

If the car is in her name and she is over 18, I would check with your insurance. She may need to be on her own policy anyway....

It sounds like she is trying to grow up and be responsible. Like you said. Of course she has no money! That is part of growing up and learning to be responsible. Realizing how to budget and what is important. Some kids need to learn this and go through the struggle. You can sympathize with her but don't feel bad...sometimes the best lessons are the ones you really struggle through. She knows where to find you if she's really in a bind. Otherwise allow her this wonderful experience. Nothing wrong with being young and broke.

Sounds like everything is actually going well! Of course you miss her...it will get better though....
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Old 09-21-2010, 04:53 PM
 
Location: Where we enjoy all four seasons
20,799 posts, read 8,957,683 times
Reputation: 15908
I have to agree with MM. She is becoming a responsible adult as best she can. Isn't that what we want for our kids.

We always miss our kids when they are grown and gone and the worry will never go away but it sounds like she has her head on straight and is trying to become her own person and good for her.

I have thought of you and have wondered how you are doing so I am glad you gave us an update.
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Old 09-21-2010, 04:56 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 96,919,807 times
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My father kept my first car on his policy for years---even when I lived in a different city.

I wouldn't change the police if you're not legally required to do so. That would be going against your part of the deal. And I hope you know that it would solidify her not being able to manage on her own. Car insurance in her own name will cost hundreds of dollars more a month than what she's paying to be on your policy.

You made a deal. Remind her that part of the deal is paying on time. Let her know that she will have to get her own insurance if she continues to pay late. If she starts paying on time, it would be downright aweful for you to take her off your policy. You stick with the deal you made. Don't try to manipulate her via the insurance.

I know you miss her. But it sounds like your daughter is being very responsible and thinking of her future. You should be proud that she's trying. It would be a shame if you started punishing her because she's not going down the path you prefer.
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Old 09-21-2010, 05:02 PM
 
Location: Denver
4,566 posts, read 10,087,354 times
Reputation: 3930
I think everyone needs to have years of struggling so they have stories to tell their kids

From the outside reading in, it sounds like she's doing great - trying to make it on her own really is a good thing. You might have to come to the realization that she isn't coming back.

Just keep doing what you are doing and not being critical. It sounds like the relationship is going well - but that you are sad she's not at home.

I agree with mm - you do want to check on the insurance, just to be on the safe side.
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Old 09-21-2010, 05:47 PM
 
14,448 posts, read 15,649,079 times
Reputation: 12252
you are doing great. being a young adult is always a struggle and most are always broke. I am so glad she is coming to the house for visits. try to take her to lunch every now and again or a day at the beauty shop together, slip her some cash now and again if it isn't too much of a hard ship. be happy for her she is figuring out. all she needs to know is that you are there for her when she needs ya. try to have fun with her as often as possible, you to are just learning how to have adult child/parent relationship and it sounds like a great start. congrats
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Old 09-21-2010, 07:26 PM
 
Location: here
24,843 posts, read 31,763,292 times
Reputation: 32500
is she paying rent for BF's basement? If not, and she's still on your insurance, she's not really "on her own." Even if she's struggling financially, it sounds like she has the best of both worlds - not financially supporting herself but not having to live with mom and dad either. Probably not much you can do about that except get her off your car insurance policy. Glad you're hanging in. good luck.
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Old 09-21-2010, 07:29 PM
 
Location: here
24,843 posts, read 31,763,292 times
Reputation: 32500
//www.city-data.com/forum/paren...left-home.html

original thread
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Old 09-21-2010, 07:42 PM
 
63 posts, read 92,320 times
Reputation: 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
is she paying rent for BF's basement? If not, and she's still on your insurance, she's not really "on her own." Even if she's struggling financially, it sounds like she has the best of both worlds - not financially supporting herself but not having to live with mom and dad either. Probably not much you can do about that except get her off your car insurance policy. Glad you're hanging in. good luck.

You are absolutely right! She does have the best of both worlds. My thought is that as long as she is not paying and no one is telling her what to do, she will/has no desire or reason to live. She actually has a false sense of living on her own but she is acting more responsibly then when mommy and daddy were there to cover for her mistakes or financial shortfalls.
Live and learn.
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