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Not everyone feels the way you do either. Such is life. The man asked for different perspectives and he got mine. If you disagree, that's your perogative. It doesn't invalidate my perspective or minimize yours. We're all entitled to our opinions here.
You didn't just give your opinion. You told him to grow up like he was an immature teenager.
I agree with Alexus, but saying so on this forum has become a hazard. Seems to be the majority here are the ones who don't want kids, who want just one, or just 2. If a person wants more than that, he/she is "weird" or a "weird Duggar" type. The same with the age of having kids. I would guess the most vocal here are early-mid-30s women, who have NO idea what they will feel at 40 or 50, yet they know it all.
The man has a right to be one of the people who doesn't want more than two chidlren.
It takes two people to make a child. That's two people who agree on having a child. The NO wins with this type of situation. Why because it takes two WILLING participants.
Just because the wife wants another does not mean the husband should give in and have another. And I'm well into my 40s, past the 'mid-40s' too!
Seems those who are pushing for him to accept another child are mostly concerned with the female perspective.
It would be interesting to hear the response to a wife was saying her husband wanted more but she didn't.
Okay I would be a wife with a husband who wanted more and I didn't. When child #2 turned about four my husband got on this baby #3 kick. I was not happy. My pregnancies are difficult, my babies are difficult, and my husband is gone most of the time.
Well, to make a long story short after much harassing, reminding, refusal to use birth control I caved and now I have three. While I love and adore my son, it was difficult on my marriage as the whole event made me resentful. I nearly died giving birth to the third and due to my husbands job I raised the other ones alone. Unless you have a massively strong marriage, and your really kinda indifferent my suggestion would be to respect your own feelings.
Will your wife get over it...I have no idea. But, will you if it's forced on you...I dont know. It took me about 3 1/2 yrs. to come to grips with the whole thing between post partum depression, stress and it all.
But, I am happy with my 3rd...he's wonderful. I'm just being honest. Resentment, and anger may end up being your issue to. Or the wife could feel that way. I felt like we had two, I went through hell to raise them lets just be happy. My husband couldn't be happy without the third. Not a good situation for any marriage I guess. Good luck to you though. Perhaps she could babysit someones baby for all hours of the night, maybe that would get her out of the mood.
Not everyone feels the way you do either. Such is life. The man asked for different perspectives and he got mine. If you disagree, that's your perogative. It doesn't invalidate my perspective or minimize yours. We're all entitled to our opinions here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nuala
I agree with Alexus, but saying so on this forum has become a hazard. Seems to be the majority here are the ones who don't want kids, who want just one, or just 2. If a person wants more than that, he/she is "weird" or a "weird Duggar" type. The same with the age of having kids. I would guess the most vocal here are early-mid-30s women, who have NO idea what they will feel at 40 or 50, yet they know it all.
so why should the "yes" parent win out over the "no" parent? What makes that person "right"?
Grow up, and do what your wife wants for God's sake. What the hell is wrong with you? After all, this woman committed her life to you, and more likely will be taking care of you when you can't take care of yourself. She wants another baby, for the love of God, give that lovely woman another child.
It is rare that a parent regrets having a child after that baby emerges. You have two beautiful kids and you don't regret having either one, correct? The problem here lies with you and your childish, self-centeredness. Perhaps your concern is that you're no longer capable? What is the real source of your resistance here?
I have only three kids and wish I had ten more. Kids are beautiful and enhance one's life to the fullest. Your wife is in the right here.
I think you're the one who needs to grow up. There is nothing wrong w/ the OP for not wanting to have another child. You were downright rude to him. It's ok to disagree, but you could have chosen your words better.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nuala
I agree with Alexus, but saying so on this forum has become a hazard. Seems to be the majority here are the ones who don't want kids, who want just one, or just 2. If a person wants more than that, he/she is "weird" or a "weird Duggar" type. The same with the age of having kids. I would guess the most vocal here are early-mid-30s women, who have NO idea what they will feel at 40 or 50, yet they know it all.
I can't speak for the majority, but the economy has played a part in the number of children some chose to have. Maybe some w/ large families don't worry about the future, but just putting one through college is all I want to be responsible for. I am an older mom, so I do have experience. I don't have the energy I had in my 30's, even 40's.
To the OP, My sister has two and when she wanted one more, her husband sat down w/ her and talked about the reasons he was happy and complete w/ the two they had. He was financially set for the two and didn't want to struggle w/ a third. I was a third child and I never got my say in anything, nor did I ever get a window seat in the car, plus I wore alot of hand me downs..
I love this thread. A total stranger comes on and asks about having another child. So, based on your own prejudices and/or experiences, you give him advice on a life-changing event like this. You don't know him or his wife, you don't know a thing about his finances, his other children, his extended family (or lack thereof), but you feel qualified to weigh in on something like this and calling him names for having a preference about the size of his family.
This isn't really a parenting question. It's a relationship question. The OP and his wife disagree on a huge issue. It should be handled like any other big issue with lots of communication, open-mindedness and a willingness on both parts to compromise for the good of the marriage. If both parties aren't willing to talk about it in those terms, they're in for a rocky future.
I love this thread. A total stranger comes on and asks about having another child. So, based on your own prejudices and/or experiences, you give him advice on a life-changing event like this. You don't know him or his wife, you don't know a thing about his finances, his other children, his extended family (or lack thereof), but you feel qualified to weigh in on something like this and calling him names for having a preference about the size of his family.
Nice.
well, he asked! I admit I'm prejudiced by my desire for only 2 kids. the answers that are killing me are the rude ones basically telling him to grow up and just do it. Hello! We're talking about creating a new person here. Doesn't a child deserve to be wanted by both parents?
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Such is life. The man asked for different perspectives and he got mine. If you disagree, that's your perogative. It doesn't invalidate my perspective or minimize yours. We're all entitled to our opinions here.
What is the real source of your resistance here?
