Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
So..what is the point of all of this? Well, now I have a 3yr old of my own and have no idea how I am going to talk to him about sex and when the right time is and how to talk to him about not toying with peoples emotions. I mean, how do you even have that kind of conversation with children and even get some of it to stick anyway?
The good news is that at the beginning a child's sexual education most of what you teach them is very clinical. You don't have to tell a 5 year old EVERYTHING when he asks about how babies are made.
IMO there is no "TALK" that will do it. It needs to be a process.
I agree with this. I don't think we ever sat down at a specific time and had "the talk"...We had age appropriate discussions when they came up. We were very honest and straightforward when they asked questions, didn't sugarcoat anything by making up cutesy names or stories. They asked we answered. We were not overly modest when the kids were growing up. My son and daughter shared a bedroom for several years when they were young, they bathed together when they were young (as long as you are bathing one, you may as well bathe two) and they shared a bathroom forever. Now, I will say my oldest (DD) was more forthcoming with questions etc so I had to find ways to bring things up with DS who is much more naturally private than my DD was. But as far as having a specific "talk"...nope. I would find that odd (not a condemnation by any means...just odd to me).
The post on bringing opposite sex kids in the bathroom and locker room with you got me thinking.
How comfortable were your parents in discussing sex with you? Did they also discuss changes you would experience when you hit puberty? My son is 7 and in a few years we're going to have to have the talk.
I was raised in a very prudish home. My mom and Dad (who passed away 22 years ago) never talked to us about sex. They figured we would just learn it in school, hear it from friends etc. It was always a very taboo subject that came with a lot of embarrassment. My mom basically thinks that anyone who has sex before marriage is a ****. Which I don't agree with.
She never told me about any of the changes I would experience as I became a woman. When I hit puberty I had no idea what was happening to me and I freaked out because I had no idea what periods were.
How did you grow up with regards to this subject and did it will it affect how you teach your children about sex?
My mom told me from as young as I can remember that "boys only want 1 thing and if you give it to them too quickly they are going to drop you for the next girl. AND that if you 'give it up' to any old Tom, Dick, or Harry that no good man would ever marry you". Needless to say it stuck with me and I've only been with 2 men in my life, my husband and my EX fiance'. Didn't work for my sister though, she was, promiscuous and a teenage mother. My sister is now very successful in her career, has been married twice. I'm a happy, married SAHM. So, apparently my mom was wrong! lol! I will say, I still have my somewhat prudish morals, but now that I'm married forever I look back at my younger years and joke "Darn! I kinda wish I was a ****!" lol!
My parents spoke to us very little about puberty/sex. I think that they also figured that we would learn it in school, from friends, in round about ways. Once I'd been a father long enough for questions to start coming at me about where exactly did that baby come from and what's with the thing between the legs, what use it that..I knew I wanted and needed to be at least a bit more open than my own parents had been.
But then I had to end up breaking my mother out of her shell. Because my marriage was in turmoil and very quickly dissolving and before we knew it my childrens' mother was gone and my oldest, my daughter was right about at that age for puberty discussions in the very near future. So I went to my mother, I was fairly overwhelmed around this time and this was an additional 'wrap your head around this issue' that I wasn't ready for and didn't even know where to start. I told my mother, mom, I really need you to do this, please, oh dear God please. So my mother mustered up all her courage and took my daughter out one afternoon. And she reported back to me and told me, oh kids know everything these days, she's very well informed! And my mom turned out being ok about talking about it because my daughter wasn't embarrassed by the discussion. It wasn't so scary after all apparently.
Well now that my children and I are further along in our journey and we've simply had to have some difficult discussions regarding their mother - it makes talking about sex and puberty really easy. I'm now pretty much on the complete opposite side of the scale to my parents when it comes to being open about sex, more than I had planned to be. I talk to my daughter, who's 16 now, about sex, birth control and relationships (and things teenage boys say) very easily. And she will come to me, I know that I don't hear everything..I'm sure I don't want to, but it is good to know she's comfortable. At 15, when boys actually started to be around in a more meaningful way, things got a bit hiccupy, but she is pretty open now with having questions and wanting advice.
Talking to my now 13 year old son about puberty was easy, he is open about these things...cavalier actually - he and his friends have been told before at school, this is not an appropriate conversation that's going on right now. He could probably do with learning some restraint....although not always possible for 13 year old boys...
I never saw my parents unless they were fully dressed and not in bed clothes. I was handed a booklet about your period that was produced by a feminine products manufacturer at the time I had my first period and that was it. I learned some things from my girlfriend about life because she had an older sister but never learned anything about how I should conduct my life as a girl. This was good in that I had no preconceptions but bad in that I had no tales from experience. My dad never hid his sexiness.
With my kids all communication was open in every area. I didn't do the talk but gave them a well written book before they needed it which explained anatomy (male and female) to emotional considerations to practical applications of sex with the option of answering any addl questions. It was very complete without bias and did a better job than I could have. Nudity was not practiced but bed clothes were ok. Things were more relaxed in general though religious training was prevelane in both cases.
I never saw my parents unless they were fully dressed and not in bed clothes. I was handed a booklet about your period that was produced by a feminine products manufacturer at the time I had my first period and that was it. I learned some things from my girlfriend about life because she had an older sister but never learned anything about how I should conduct my life as a girl. This was good in that I had no preconceptions but bad in that I had no tales from experience. My dad never hid his sexiness.
With my kids all communication was open in every area. I didn't do the talk but gave them a well written book before they needed it which explained anatomy (male and female) to emotional considerations to practical applications of sex with the option of answering any addl questions. It was very complete without bias and did a better job than I could have. Nudity was not practiced but bed clothes were ok. Things were more relaxed in general though religious training was prevelane in both cases.
What does..."My dad never hid his sexiness." mean?
My parents were very open about sex, drugs, alcohol and nudity. There was no stigma attached to any of them. I'm 20 and have little to no interest in any of them. I think it's the stigma that many uptight or concerned parents put on those things that make kids want to go full throttle and get totally trashed every weekend or sleep around. When you remove the stigma, you kill the curiosity and the desire to rebel.
My parents never sat me down to have "the talk". They just answered my questions when I asked. For awhile they didn't believe I was gay so they thought a lot of my guy friends were boyfriends, but they just told me to be careful and use protection. They trusted I would make sound judgments.
My mom had tons of lesbian friends though, so I would often talk to them about coming out and all that. One of them gave ma book called "The Joy of Lesbian Sex" when I was like 17 or so. Lol.
When I got my period, my mom just showed me how to use a tampon and a pad and that was it.
My dad was very cool with my brother; shy around us girls but my mother was Canadian and more formal. She always said to me "Well, I gave you a book" and that was it.
However, we all saw our dad as respectful and protective of her;always treated her well - for example, if one of us got mouthy, he would step in and tell us - do not talk like that to your mother.
At the same time, I always felt I could go to him. I was in my sophomore year of high school, very naive and was working for my dad in the afternoons, evenings and weekends at one of his country clubs. The office was downstairs - I was usually there by myself doing all the office work and studying. One time, the maitre'd came down, put me up against the wall and tried to kiss me and other stuff. I screamed and ran up the stairs so fast.
The next day, my dad knew something was wrong and got it out of me. He fired the guy on the spot and after that, I always went to my dad (not my mom) for any questions and he was great. (Dad, I miss you). So, he was kind of my hero for doing that and making me feel safe. (Today, you'd probably have lawsuits and a newspaper headline).
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
) never talked to us about sex. They figured we would just learn it in school, hear it from friends etc. It was always a very taboo subject that came with a lot of embarrassment. My mom basically thinks that anyone who has sex before marriage is a ****. Which I don't agree with.
The talk
