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the laws are such that minors are not allowed to be present when alcohol is served in someone else's house. Not that minors aren't allowed to drink. If there's alcohol, and it's open, and people are drinking it, and there is a minor in the room with *access* to the alcohol, then both the minor and the host are breaking the law.
That is not the law in most places. If it were the law it would be illegal to have a drink in front of ANY minor. It would be illegal to even keep beer in an unlocked fridge in a house where kids live.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnonChick
Are you saying, that SHE knew there'd be alcohol, and didn't tell you til after, and you allowed her to go before finding out it'd be served, and therefore she lied by omission?
OR
Are you saying neither of you knew there'd be alcohol, but had no one stating "no, there definitely will not be any alcohol"..and there was, and you just didn't know it...
Or
Are you saying neither of you knew there'd be alcohol, and someone did state "there definitely will not be any alcohol," but they lied?
Really it depends. But the end result is - you gave her permission to attend an event out of your own home, where alcohol would be served. And that is illegal. It's illegal for her to attend, and the moment she got there and discovered open liquor, she should've turned around and gone right back home again.
No-it's not illegal. It's not illegal for minors to be somewhere that alcohol is served. Think of how many restaurants serve alcohol when kids are present. Think of any home party where the adults are having a beer when there are kids present. It's not illegal for her daughter to attend.
It's illegal for her daughter to drink, but simply being present is not illegal.
Do you have teenagers? Because this is where you get to the issue of going the 'illegal' route pushing the alcohol issue underground. The issues surrounding alcohol do not simply dissolve with the statement that it's illegal.
So, the question then is do you simply take the illegal stance or do you give enough to hopefully satisfy that curiosity?
I don't need to HAVE teenagers. I -was- a teenager. The parents' role is to guide their children so they can become productive civilized members of adult society. Part of that is teaching them to obey the law. If you allow them to break the law, then you are teaching them that mom doesn't think the law is worth respecting. And - considering that mom IS the law in her own house -that's a really dangerous slope slide down when you're dealing with teenagers.
You're not their friend, and you're not their therapist. You're their parent. It's your job to set boundaries. It's their job to rebel against them, but by doing so, they learn and understand why those boundaries exist.
I don't need to HAVE teenagers. I -was- a teenager. The parents' role is to guide their children so they can become productive civilized members of adult society. Part of that is teaching them to obey the law. If you allow them to break the law, then you are teaching them that mom doesn't think the law is worth respecting. And - considering that mom IS the law in her own house -that's a really dangerous slope slide down when you're dealing with teenagers.
You're not their friend, and you're not their therapist. You're their parent. It's your job to set boundaries. It's their job to rebel against them, but by doing so, they learn and understand why those boundaries exist.
Your hard line stance makes sense on paper.
The practical reality is that once a child has a license and you allow them to take the car they can tell you they are going somewhere and they can go somewhere totally different. There has to be some reward for them telling their parents the truth about where they are going and what will be happening there. Otherwise, they simply will not tell their parents the whole truth.
I believe that the reason my son told me about the party he was going to (he could just have said he was going to Dave & Busters) is that he wanted guidance about how to navigate those waters. It's my job as a parent to help him do that. If I just say "Hell no" that doesn't help him, plus I run the risk of him lying to me next time.
Simply forbidding kids from doing something that they can do without your permission does not help the child learn to handle difficult social situations. If they go without your knowledge you lose the chance to guide them. They still go though.
If you allow them to break the law, then you are teaching them that mom doesn't think the law is worth respecting. And - considering that mom IS the law in her own house -that's a really dangerous slope slide down when you're dealing with teenagers.
Well you're not describing their mom very well at all. But I suppose that's beside the point.
I've been a teenager too. It is slightly different being the parent of a teenager. (this is not me saying people can't comment on things they have no immediate experience in) I'm just explaining, the illegal stance was really easy for a couple of years there. Once they get to the 16/17 age group it is a certainty that kids will end up in situations where alcohol is present (whether you know about it or not). The issue is the kid having the tools to approach that.
I am setting boundaries. She knows what they are and I'm sure she fully understands why they exist. Where I stand at the moment, I have allowed her alcohol a few times and she knows that there are strict rules surrounding that, and the boundaries will change if I feel they need to.
I guess the thing with teenagers is that you have teenagers, but you're raising them to be adults...and that involves some give and take (in real life, not on paper)
In all the states I have lived in it has been legal for me to drink at home with my moms permission/supervision.
I have been allowed to drink since I was 16.
I could have wine with dinner/holidays.
I could have things like flavored smirnoff ice with meals or when we grilled/BBQ'd.
When I hit 18 my mom started introducing me to the stronger stuff.
We'd make mudslides together. ( I am VERY glad my first time with those was at home, those screw with my lactose intolerance so hardcore.)
We'd make daiquiris etc.
But she would have stuff at the house for me to drink anytime I wanted to.
I before the age of 21 knew what I could and couldn't handle, what did and didn't make me sick, what I liked and what I didn't like.
I know HOW to drink and HOW to do it safely.
I lived to see the next day after my 21st birthday. I think my mom did something right with that one...
As for friends drinking at houses, there are only a FEW people who my mom would even consider letting drink and they would be staying there that night and no one would be driving.
Even now if one of my friends was over for the night and wanted to have a few drinks while we watched a movie or something, I don't see an issue with that.
I KNOW why these laws are in place, because people don't drink responsibly at a certain age but those who do, why should they be punished for idiots mistakes?
Those laws are there because people under the age of 21 have showed a lack of being able to handle drinking, however, not everyone at that age is irresponsible.
My group of friends "C" is 19, 20 in february, the other "C" just turned 19 a few days ago, and "M" turns 20 in a few days, they are just about the only people I or my mom would trust enough to drink at the house with me. They are all over 18, they can make that decision for themselves anyways, legal or illegal, they still can make a decision to drink.
I think parents SHOULD be able to give their kids alcohol, so they can TEACH them firsthand.
You can tell your teenagers till you are blue in the face about not drinking too much alcohol. It won't be till the first time they wake up with a hang over that they will see how much they can and can't handle. I would rather that experience be in the safety of their own home, with me there to make sure they didn't do anything stupid, instead of in a club or bar where something could happen to them.
I think there should be a drinking permit, like a driving permit, where you can only drink with your parents or another adult your parents appoint, you should get the permit at 18. It should only be valid for drinking at home and restaurants.
In order to get this permit, you either need to be enrolled in college fulltime or work fulltime, or do both part time, have good grades and if you get caught drinking any other time and you have one of these permits it gets revoked.
Your wording of this paragraph is unclear. Are you saying your daughter went to parties where alcohol was served, and you knew in advance that alcohol would be served, and allowed her to attend, and therefore gave her permission to intentionally break the law and risk your daughter getting arrested? (the laws are such that minors are not allowed to be present when alcohol is served in someone else's house. Not that minors aren't allowed to drink. If there's alcohol, and it's open, and people are drinking it, and there is a minor in the room with *access* to the alcohol, then both the minor and the host are breaking the law).
First up, not being snarky here, genuinely not getting it: So in that case, is it illegal to say take the kids (any age up till 21) to Thanksgiving dinner at Grannie's, where people are having wine with dinner and perhaps a scotch or something while watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade? Would that ok because the parents are there, even though it's outside the home? Or is Grannie breaking the law by serving alcohol with minors present at the table where they presumably have access to (but are not permitted to drink) the booze?
What if your 16 year old is going to a friend's house, to hang out, where the parents routinely have a beer or two while watching the football, and have beer in the fridge, and open bottles of spirits in the liquor cabinet? In that case, alcohol is served, but not actually being given to the minors. Are the parents and the minor breaking the law in that case?
Obviously the laws are very specific, would you mind clearing it up so I don't inadvertently find myself in the slammer?!
I don't need to HAVE teenagers. I -was- a teenager. The parents' role is to guide their children so they can become productive civilized members of adult society. Part of that is teaching them to obey the law. If you allow them to break the law, then you are teaching them that mom doesn't think the law is worth respecting. And - considering that mom IS the law in her own house -that's a really dangerous slope slide down when you're dealing with teenagers.
You're not their friend, and you're not their therapist. You're their parent. It's your job to set boundaries. It's their job to rebel against them, but by doing so, they learn and understand why those boundaries exist.
It's a possession law. It is illegal for minors to possess alcohol. It doesn't matter if they're drinking it or not. It matters that they're possessing it. As for the restaurant situation - in some states it's illegal for minors to enter a bar. If the family is at a restaurant where there is a seperate bar, the family is not allowed to sit in the bar area. That's whether or not they're being served alcohol. Minors are also not allowed to serve alcohol, even if they're serving it to legal adults. That's why 17-year-olds aren't allowed to be bartenders.
I also don't buy the con job that parents would have a party for 20 kids, provide alcohol for the 18 who are over 21, and expect that the 2 who are 19 won't drink. I also don't believe the 18 kids over 21 are going to care whether or not their 2 underage pals are underage; they'll stick a cup in their hands and welcome them to actively participate. I also don't think the police would buy that con job either. They'd probably assume that the parents would be charged with "intent to distribute" to a minor. Which is - against the law.
You can make excuses however you want, and put pretty pink bows on it. But allowing a minor child to go into a situation where he has the opportunity and the means to intentionally break the law, in an atmosphere of peers who are doing the activity legally, is stupid.
First up, not being snarky here, genuinely not getting it: So in that case, is it illegal to say take the kids (any age up till 21) to Thanksgiving dinner at Grannie's, where people are having wine with dinner and perhaps a scotch or something while watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade? Would that ok because the parents are there, even though it's outside the home? Or is Grannie breaking the law by serving alcohol with minors present at the table where they presumably have access to (but are not permitted to drink) the booze?
What if your 16 year old is going to a friend's house, to hang out, where the parents routinely have a beer or two while watching the football, and have beer in the fridge, and open bottles of spirits in the liquor cabinet? In that case, alcohol is served, but not actually being given to the minors. Are the parents and the minor breaking the law in that case?
Obviously the laws are very specific, would you mind clearing it up so I don't inadvertently find myself in the slammer?!
I'm not anonchick, but here are Ct.'s laws regarding minors and alcohol. It specifically states various situations and the legality of minors with alcohol. I had a hard time finding links with Ct.'s laws. Parents are allowed to give alcohol to their children, but I didn't see it on this particular link. (you'd think they'd make it easier to find current laws, or maybe I'm just bad with Google?)
(I know it says "powered by Google" but it's a legit link)
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