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It may just be the boy's disappointment in himself, he sets goals for his performance but tries too hard and fails himself.
Yes, I know what you say about putting too much pressure on himself, often , insecurities are manifest in over compensation when
we are in a performance arena, the soccer field or the baseball field and it is there, on the field that we choke. He needs more time
with Dad, time in the ball field or in the soccer field, one-to-one, while he practices and receives praise from Dad, the most important
person in the mind of a seven year old. On a curious note, is he a bed wetter? Is he more like an introvert than extrovert? There are
probably other competitive situations in his life, wherein you may see a bit deeper and clearer, get additional insight as to why he cries.
I wish you well, in your search for an answer and hold your boy close, he's treasure.
lovesmountains- we had one coach try that approach, didn't work.
I think your probably right and he just isn't ready yet.
I guess as a mother I feel bad about pulling him from something he really seems like he wants to do but........ I don't want him giving himself an ulcer at 7.
Argghhhh, turns out my mom was right about payback
If he really wants to play and you tell him unless he stops with all the temper/crying stuff he can't play, and threat of that doesn't help him to stop then he probably really is just not ready.
Try to take a matter of fact approach with him - don't go getting all upset or emotional yourself (kids feed off their parents emotions sometimes).
Just say hey, we WANT you to be able to play, you want to play, but unless we think you are really "old enough" to continue we'll have to take a break and wait another year until you are able to play without getting so upset.
Best of luck - I know this is no fun for you either.
I guess I am coming from a mindset of "the child has to learn at some point"...it may come better coming from a coach than his parents. This is definitely a personality trait that should be dealt with earlier rather than later because the other children will definitely remember his actions and he will have one heck of a time socially.
In her subsequent post, she said she had a coach speak to him but it didn't work.
You're right about him having a hard time socially. No one wants to hang out with a pia/crybaby/bad sport. The other kids will avoid him like the plague.
I think Mom and Dad need to sit him down and give him a GOOD talking to. Not "now, Junior, it's not nice to cry in the middle of the field when everyone else is trying to have fun". It should be more like "I'm removing you from baseball and soccer until you can learn to play on a team with the other children. You seem to think it's only about you out there when it's about everyone on the team. When you're ready to play as part of a team, let us know and we'll sign you up for next season".
At 7 years old, he knows what he's doing isn't right. Taking this away from him may just give him more appreciation for it. When he realizes his bratty/self-absorbed behavior makes things harder for him, he may decide to change.
I guess I am coming from a mindset of "the child has to learn at some point"...it may come better coming from a coach than his parents. This is definitely a personality trait that should be dealt with earlier rather than later because the other children will definitely remember his actions and he will have one heck of a time socially.
I hear you, and I don't necessarily disagree that for many kids this would be true
BUT, if this child tends to be a perfectionist in all he does his parents need to be concerned. Sometimes it is better to keep type A perfiectionist kids from being in situations where they can make themselves so miserable at such a young age.
I hear you, and I don't necessarily disagree that for many kids this would be true
BUT, if this child tends to be a perfectionist in all he does his parents need to be concerned. Sometimes it is better to keep type A perfiectionist kids from being in situations where they can make themselves so miserable at such a young age.
You may be right...I just can't wrap my head around what would be the right thing to do here...there are so many variables when dealing with children...maybe a call to the pediatrician would be a good idea
In my opinion, I don't believe in pulling a child from an activity in the middle of a season, especially a group activity...
Sports at this age are not only meant to teach the child about sports and being physically active, it is also learning to be a team player and realizing that being a good sport is just as important when one loses as when one wins!
If I were you, I might ask the coach to have your son sit out during the next game or two but still have him watch from the bench. He is not showing good sportsmanship and should not be rewarded for his bad behavior by having play time...playing sports is a privilege and not a right.
Generally I agree with you. Kids should finish what they start. However, sometimes something makes a person so miserable that they should not be forced to finish it. I get the feeling that something is happening to make this child so miserable. I have a feeling that in this particular case there is something happening that is making the kid miserable.
IMO, as a parent of kids who have played sports for the past 10 years, I tend to think that if a child says he likes an activity but it makes him cry then there is some situation with a coach, other player, parent, or something else that is making him miserable. OR he is just to young to play team sports (although 7 seems old enough). Either way it seems that making the emphasis on finishing the season does not get to the bottom of the problem.
Not sure what you mean by this since you don't know how I had it. I can tell you one thing, however, I wouldn't permit a 7 year old to ruin everyone else's fun because he thinks it's all about him when, in reality, it's all about the TEAM.
Instead of being sarcastic, maybe you should sit Junior down and let him know:
Quote:
I think Mom and Dad need to sit him down and give him a GOOD talking to. Not "now, Junior, it's not nice to cry in the middle of the field when everyone else is trying to have fun". It should be more like "I'm removing you from baseball and soccer until you can learn to play on a team with the other children. You seem to think it's only about you out there when it's about everyone on the team. When you're ready to play as part of a team, let us know and we'll sign you up for next season".
Generally I agree with you. Kids should finish what they start. However, sometimes something makes a person so miserable that they should not be forced to finish it. I get the feeling that something is happening to make this child so miserable. I have a feeling that in this particular case there is something happening that is making the kid miserable.
IMO, as a parent of kids who have played sports for the past 10 years, I tend to think that if a child says he likes an activity but it makes him cry then there is some situation with a coach, other player, parent, or something else that is making him miserable. OR he is just to young to play team sports (although 7 seems old enough). Either way it seems that making the emphasis on finishing the season does not get to the bottom of the problem.
My kids have all played sports, musical instruments, and participated in other extra curricular activities and we have never experienced a child like this...it really breaks my heart to hear of this.
I truly believe that the child's pediatrician may have a good feeling about what route to take here since he/she knows the child and the possible reasons...I always wanted to have things just right as a child but would not dream of acting out in public so I would chew my nails out of nervousness and anxiety...
We all have our own way of dealing with things but this little guy seems to be very anxious...
OP, does your son get this anxious at school and other activities or is it limited to sports?
I think it's a BAD IDEA to ask the coach to put him on the bench! It's not like the coach decided he needs to be on the bench. A parent asking for a child to be put on the bench is downright cruel. It's going to make things worse. If your son is comparing is performance to everyone else, being forced to sit on the bench will only validate to him that he's not as good as everyone else. Whether he is or not doesn't matter.
And if you pull him from the team, he will feel like a failure. Even if he wanted to quit, he would feel like a failure too. That's why everyone always says to make them stick through the season----so they don't learn to run away from difficulties. Letting kids escape uncomfortable situations can promote anxiety disorders. I should know. I learned the hard way when it comes to that!
This is all about how he feels about himself. He is insecure. He lacks confidence. He needs successes. He wants to fit in. All the soccer skill in the world isn't going to solve that. All the sitting on the bench isn't going to solve that. And taking him off the team isn't going to solve that either.
If he has played for two years without a problem, there's something else going on that's making him feel badly about himself. How are things going at school? How are his grades? Does he have friends at school? Does he have friends at home?
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