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My cousin tells me today that his mother in law is coming over to take care of his kid on an emergency (school is out). I tell him "oh that is a big favor she is doing for you." He replies: "it's not a favor, it's the least she can do. that is what family is for. it is her RESPONSIBILITY to take care of her grandchild. if you are gonna be a part of a family, you have certain obligations."
I don't have kids, but how is it anyone's "responsibility" or obligation to take care of anyone's children? Someone please explain this.
No it is not anyone's obligation to take care of someone elses children even if they are the grandparent. It is a favour that a grandparent does because they love their grandchildren. It is selfish and egotistical to feel that they have to babysit YOUR kids because they are your family. The grandparents have already raised their kids so if they take care of your children they should do it because they WANT to not because they HAVE to.
My cousin tells me today that his mother in law is coming over to take care of his kid on an emergency (school is out). I tell him "oh that is a big favor she is doing for you." He replies: "it's not a favor, it's the least she can do. that is what family is for. it is her RESPONSIBILITY to take care of her grandchild. if you are gonna be a part of a family, you have certain obligations."
I don't have kids, but how is it anyone's "responsibility" or obligation to take care of anyone's children? Someone please explain this.
I don't agree that it is a "big favor" or that it is her responsibility. I am fortunate enough to have parents who WANT to take care of their grand kids. So I don't feel like they are being put out to do so. I also don't feel like it is the grand parents responsibility. That's over the top.
My cousin tells me today that his mother in law is coming over to take care of his kid on an emergency (school is out). I tell him "oh that is a big favor she is doing for you." He replies: "it's not a favor, it's the least she can do. that is what family is for. it is her RESPONSIBILITY to take care of her grandchild. if you are gonna be a part of a family, you have certain obligations."
I don't have kids, but how is it anyone's "responsibility" or obligation to take care of anyone's children? Someone please explain this.
Well, let's take a look at this a little less um.... fervor.
Firstly, your thread title here is "Do you EXPECT your family members to take care of your children?". There's a big difference between somebody coming over to help out in an emergency and "taking care of your children" - which implies that the family members are looking after your kids all the time, and that you (the parents) have abdicated that responsibility entirely.
Secondly, it depends on what kind of family you were raised in. Perhaps your cousin's parents have instilled in him that family comes first and that you are indeed obligated and it is your responsibility to help the family if they need it, and that he truly thinks this is how it should work.
Thirdly, reverse the participants. If it was his MIL that had had an emergency and needed your friend to come over, and watching a child was not involved, would you say that as a member of that family he had an obligation and/or responsibility to help out? Would you then say "how is it anyone's obligation or 'responsibility' to help out one's parents"?
If I was your cousin I wouldn't have put it quite like that, and personally I have never asked nor expected my child's grandparents to take care of my child (however they have offered and could and would if I needed them to do so) but I don't think it's necessarily as big a deal as you've presented it here.
I don't agree that it is a "big favor" or that it is her responsibility. I am fortunate enough to have parents who WANT to take care of their grand kids. So I don't feel like they are being put out to do so. I also don't feel like it is the grand parents responsibility. That's over the top.
I agree with this post. I don't expect him to help me out. In fact, I try to get other people to help me out when I need a hand so I don't always have to ask my father. But if I don't ask sometimes he gets disappointed. So he doesn't consider it any sort of "big favor". He enjoys it.
Last week I asked another band parent to give my son a ride home because one of my other kids had an away game. My dad gave me a hard time. I didn't want to ask him to drive to the school just to give my son a ride home (it's about 1.5 miles from our house to the school). He was a little disappointed and said "It was Friday night. We could have had a guys night." I was trying to be nice and not bother him. It turns out he doesn't think it's a bother.
I am going to Las Vegas with my husband this January. I didn't ask my father to take the kids, he volunteered when he heard my husband was going in January. He thought it would be fun for me to get to Las Vegas with my husband. My husband will be busy during the day but I am sure I can amuse myself.
So while we appreciate my father's willingness to watch our kids we also don't EXPECT him to do it all the time. He has his own life.
Parent-grandparent relations are hard enough to work out; it is even more difficult when the grandparent involved is an in-law. We all have to work out our own relationship and "rules" with each other--each one will be different.
I really don't see why you are so concerned about this. When (and if) you have children, the relationship between your children and parents and in-laws will most likely be different. Who knows? Perhaps the child will go to your MIL's instead of daycare because that is what you both want. Perhaps both sets of grandparents won't even interact with your children or barely acknowledge them.
My point is: These extended family dynamics are complicated and very personal and should be left that way. In no way should you judge your friend--especially on this one time incident.
Every extended family is different. Some families embrace the culture of "it takes a village." Other families have the "your kids, your problem" mindset.
I think most families fall somewhere in the middle and feel it's important for family to be there for one another during emergencies.
My family falls in the middle. My sisters and I would never expect nor offer to babysit for each other to have entertainment.
But we're all eager to help out during difficult times and emergencies, such as family illness, attending funerals, etc.
I agree with this post. I don't expect him to help me out. In fact, I try to get other people to help me out when I need a hand so I don't always have to ask my father. But if I don't ask sometimes he gets disappointed. So he doesn't consider it any sort of "big favor". He enjoys it.
Last week I asked another band parent to give my son a ride home because one of my other kids had an away game. My dad gave me a hard time. I didn't want to ask him to drive to the school just to give my son a ride home (it's about 1.5 miles from our house to the school). He was a little disappointed and said "It was Friday night. We could have had a guys night." I was trying to be nice and not bother him. It turns out he doesn't think it's a bother.
I am going to Las Vegas with my husband this January. I didn't ask my father to take the kids, he volunteered when he heard my husband was going in January. He thought it would be fun for me to get to Las Vegas with my husband. My husband will be busy during the day but I am sure I can amuse myself.
So while we appreciate my father's willingness to watch our kids we also don't EXPECT him to do it all the time. He has his own life.
When we still lived near the grand parents, we got a neighborhood teen to babysit because we didn't want to always have to rely on my parents, and they travel a lot and aren't always available. My mom was visibly hurt that we skipped over her to hire a sitter.
IMHO any time anyone has to look after your children, they are doing you a HUGE, GARGANTUAN FAVOR.
It is my responsibility as a parent to take care of my kids, not anyone else's. I never ask anyone to watch my kids, babysit my kids, do anything for my kids. If someone does it, they are doing me a HUGE, GARGANTUAN FAVOR.
I personally would never ask anyone to watch my kids, not even family. I would not want to be viewed as one of these parents who feels entitled to have the world help them out any time they need it.
I think the problem here is that one family member has one expectation, and the other family member has another expectation.
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