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Parents don't want to deal with a crying infant or toddler, so they let the fall asleep on the couch with them instead of setting up a bedtime where the child is in their crib BY a certain time.
Mine started in a crib with a bed time from day one. It's very possible to sooth a crying baby without taking it to your bed. When mine would have a difficult time falling asleep after being certain they were fed, dry and not in pain, I would stand by their cribs and rub their heads and bodies talking soothingly. I wouldn't pick them up unless they were sick.
It's true that these cosleeping children are fearful because they've never been by themselves. The parents created that fear by having them sleep in with them from day one. But there are things parents can do to help children feel less fearful. Helping a child overcome fears gives the child power to overcome fears. Playing into fears makes the fears greater.
You start the training while the child is still in their crib...something with rails and sidewalls to keep them contained and safe. Most parents who have difficulty getting their children to remain in their own beds did NOT establish the rules and boundaries while their child was still sleeping in a crib....hence, start THEN. If you fail to do so, you will be playing the, "No.....you need to sleep in your own bed" game, over and over and over. I see this all the time! Parents don't want to deal with a crying infant or toddler, so they let the fall asleep on the couch with them instead of setting up a bedtime where the child is in their crib BY a certain time. So many parents can't handle the stress of hearing their little one cry, therefore they take the path of least resistance....what's easier on the parent....then fall apart at the seams when they've established a pattern of behavior that makes them crazy later.
Obviously, not all children are like this....but most are. If you start very young, and nip the problem in the bud, it's much easier to handle later. Again......use that crib....the crib is your friend!!
I don't think a crib is the best place for my babies to sleep so this would not have ever been an option for me. I felt like the best and safest place for my baby was in my room. With my dd it also happened to be in my bed. If I had a baby who needed space they would be sleeping in a bassinet next to my bed. I know that's not the mainstream thing to do but it was what was right for us. But then again, I'm still fine with co-sleeping with my 4 year old and don't mind waiting for her to move out on her own time. If I wanted her out of my bed I would put a mattress on the floor and let her sleep there until she was ready to leave the room.
I know lots of families who co-sleep and most have had zero trouble moving their kids to their own beds. A few have trouble based on their children's personalities. The one thing that these children all have in common is that they are all very sensitive and "high need" or "spirited" kids. Different kids have different needs. There is not one simple solution to the op's problem.
I disagree that for all children it is just dramatics and manipulation. For some children it is a very real, very deep emotional need and to them it feels like they are being abandoned. I know this would work for some children but I know my child and this would not work for her.
It can be done without feeling abandoned. It will work when the parent wants it to work. YOU don't want your child out of your bed. The OP does.
For some children it is a very real, very deep emotional need and to them it feels like they are being abandoned.
But then wouldn't it benefit the child in the long run to teach them that sleeping alone is not abandonment? It would seem to me that all that giving in just teaches them that their fear is justified...? I don't see how that is helping the child.
The screaming jags you describe do sound like a tantrum to me....no different that a cookie tantrum, except is at night.
Do you think this is developmentally appropriate? I don't.
Neither do I. Of course I didn't shut the door, either! Also, we always had night lights in their rooms as well. My kids slept with us for a while too....one more than others, but it was because hubby loved to snuggle with his little ones and needed for them to "need" him. LOL When he got to make a choice between wifey sleeping in kidlets room or kidlet sleeping in kidlet's room....he realized that he issues and came right around. Any issues happening with some of the parents out there? LOL
Mine started in a crib with a bed time from day one. It's very possible to sooth a crying baby without taking it to your bed. When mine would have a difficult time falling asleep after being certain they were fed, dry and not in pain, I would stand by their cribs and rub their heads and bodies talking soothingly. I wouldn't pick them up unless they were sick.
It's true that these cosleeping children are fearful because they've never been by themselves. The parents created that fear by having them sleep in with them from day one. But there are things parents can do to help children feel less fearful. Helping a child overcome fears gives the child power to overcome fears. Playing into fears makes the fears greater.
Hopes, I did the same thing! LOL
They understood and accepted that it was nap time, mommy was there, but it was nap time....that's all there was to it. Are you clean? Yes. Are you fed? Yes. Feeling fine? no urps? Yes...okay.....nappy time sweetie. Mummy loves you...
But then again, I'm still fine with co-sleeping with my 4 year old and don't mind waiting for her to move out on her own time.
Which leads us to wonder why you are posting in a thread where a mother WANTS her 4 year old out!
This thread isn't about cosleeping. It's about getting a 4 year old out of a bed! Read what the OP said in her first post:
Quote:
Originally Posted by outtanyc
I read an earlier thread about a family co-sleeping and how it's working for them... still not sure how they function but I CANNOT!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by outtanyc
I'M SOOOOO over it. Please help! Has anyone been in the same situation?
Dorthy, Think about it. You're not helping the OP. You're just on your little soap box for your own purposes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel
Neither do I. Of course I didn't shut the door, either! Also, we always had night lights in their rooms as well. My kids slept with us for a while too....one more than others, but it was because hubby loved to snuggle with his little ones and needed for them to "need" him. LOL When he got to make a choice between wifey sleeping in kidlets room or kidlet sleeping in kidlet's room....he realized that he issues and came right around. Any issues happening with some of the parents out there? LOL
That's funny! Glad your hubby realized he had issues.
Hopes, I did the same thing! LOL
They understood and accepted that it was nap time, mommy was there, but it was nap time....that's all there was to it. Are you clean? Yes. Are you fed? Yes. Feeling fine? no urps? Yes...okay.....nappy time sweetie. Mummy loves you...
Exactly! My son was colic for the first three months! If I could do it, anyone can do it!
Neither do I. Of course I didn't shut the door, either! Also, we always had night lights in their rooms as well. My kids slept with us for a while too....one more than others, but it was because hubby loved to snuggle with his little ones and needed for them to "need" him. LOL When he got to make a choice between wifey sleeping in kidlets room or kidlet sleeping in kidlet's room....he realized that he issues and came right around. Any issues happening with some of the parents out there? LOL
You obviously have never had a high need child then have you. I'm offended by people trying to psychoanalyze my child who they have never met and who is perfectly normal. I have brought up the intensity and length of some of dd's meltdown with her pediatrician and she agrees that it's just her personality. She's intense, she's sensitive, she's a perfectionist. She's also very intelligent, very sweet and very funny. No issues here.
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If I wanted her out of my bed I would put a mattress on the floor and let her sleep there until she was ready to leave the room. 
I'm offended by people trying to psychoanalyze my child who they have never met and who is perfectly normal. I have brought up the intensity and length of some of dd's meltdown with her pediatrician and she agrees that it's just her personality. She's intense, she's sensitive, she's a perfectionist. She's also very intelligent, very sweet and very funny. No issues here. 
