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We often hear that our kids need to have a good work ethic to succeed in life.
What are the characteristics of a good work ethic?
How can a parent best develop a positive work ethic in a child?
Lead by example for one.
Praise it when you see it and explain it. When they are doing even simple chores. A good and thorough job is something to be praised and a half-***ed job is not acceptable. Allow them the pride of earning things on their own.
Make sure your children feel that they are an essential part of keeping the family going. Chores are a good way to do this. Working together to accomplish tasks can start early.
Allowing children to make mistakes and learn from them is a good way to develop the idea that we persist in tasks even when they are difficult.
Our children also have things that they "have" to do, not just things they get "paid" to do.
I thank them for their help when they are incapable of completing a chore on their own, but do not allow them to think they have done it 100% - this was done to my dh and his youngest sister. Our first year together was VERY rough. We kept trying to pinpoint the problem, but couldn't find the missing "link", so to speak. Then his then 13 year old sister came to stay with us. After a couple days, we were cleaning house together. She wanted to help. I told her she could do the kitchen, dh did the bathrooms and family room and I handled the upstairs. After about 30 minutes, I came downstairs to find her sitting at the table, crying. She knew I had/have a temper and she was SURE that I wouldn't like her anymore, but she was just confused and didn't want to tell me why.
Finally, it came out that she had walked into the kitchen to "clean it". But the dishes had been washed by me already. That was it - she didn't know what to do next. She didn't know to wipe off counters, the stove, the cabinets. It never occurred to her that the frig needed to be wiped down, the table too, and the floor swept and mopped. She knew I'd expect her to have done SOMETHING, but she couldn't figure out WHAT she should do.
DH had his own "epiphany" during her 'confession', which led to a whole bunch of changes. Silly as it seemed, when I asked dh to "grab the plates off the table", and he did, but didn't get the flatware that was sitting on top of it, it had never entered his mind that he was doing anything LESS than what I'd asked. I thought he was being a passive agressive jerk. Nope, just clueless.
After that, I made lists and 'trained' both of them in various household chores. Other things have come up over time. Sometimes, my dh is amazed that our oldest son just seems to 'get it' and doesn't need everything explained to him, the way he did. But our child has lived with me his whole life, has observed me since birth. Even when adults are trying to focus, they are distracted by their own thoughts, their own 'stuff'.
It's very hard to instill it in someone over 12, who hasn't been 'trained' younger. Very, very hard. I met a woman through MOPS years ago that told us all how DCFS had shocked her when they came into her home and suggested her house wasn't clean enough for her child. Her standards, not taught to her by her mother, were just non-existent. She would talk to us about her struggle to get up and have to look at a list, taped to the TV, so she wouldn't forget it, that told her to wash her own face, replace TP rolls, wipe down things, wash dishes, change the baby's diaper EVERY DAY.
Now these are some extreme examples, I get that. But I meet young people way more entitled and clueless than my dh, his sister and that mom from MOPS all the time. And as they talk about why they can't get jobs because of various idiotic 'reasons', I thank God that as messed up as my mother is/was, she taught me how to work.
Now these are some extreme examples, I get that. But I meet young people way more entitled and clueless than my dh, his sister and that mom from MOPS all the time. And as they talk about why they can't get jobs because of various idiotic 'reasons', I thank God that as messed up as my mother is/was, she taught me how to work.
Good points.
I can see how kids benefit from being given responsibilities at an early age. And it's just as important to make sure that they know how to do a good job.
My kids never got an "allowance". They had a list (geared towards their ages) of things they had to do around the house. So if they did their chores (jobs) they were paid a set amount on Saturdays. Which didn't exactly leave them rolling in dough. So if they wanted extra cash they were paid an hourly rate. Working in the vegetable garden. Pulling weeds. They weren't paid for things like helping Dad work on the cars. That was part of their education and something they needed to learn how to do.
If someone got lazy or decided they didn't want to participate they had no extra cash. Cause and effect.
So I think they learned their work ethic the same way I did. By not having anything handed to them. One thing we did was after a long day out in the yard clearing brush and trimming trees, painting fences (for example) was to all go outside together after supper to look at what had been accomplished. They could see the result of their hard work and take pride in it. We'd set up lawn chairs and sit and talk. The boys could point out what they worked on. It turned out to be a nice, family bonding time.
Example is the most critical thing, IMO. I make sure my children see me doing the most humble things which include cleaning toilets, removing dog excrement from the yard, cleaning the cat box, and doing general janitorial work. I tell them that there is no honest labor that should ever be ridiculed or considered "beneath them". I reward good job performance by my children with treats and money. Very often we sit and will discuss the best or most efficient way to do a particular job. I try to teach how to do manual labor without injuring backs or other parts of the body. I try to use manual labor to teach principles of physics such as that of the lever and fulcrum.
Great point, Mightyqueen!! SO many children are never guilty of anything, it's always someone elses fault. "I can't because she...." This wouldn't go over too well in a real job. Taking resposibility is extreamly important.
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