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I'm sitting in my living room, watching teen mom, sick head and stomach crap and was randomly thinking random thoughts as I looked at the clock scheduling my downtime before bed, I have like 25 more minutes btw..
I was thinking that this transition has not been smooth for me and that I am learning a lot for the very first time. Especially being sick I don't want to do anything but lay in bed and do nothing but I know I can't.
I started thinking about things that I have to do and budget and think about and I was thinking about how I am so ill-prepared to do so and learning a lot the hard way.
Things like working, planning, scheduling, downtime, social life, money all came to mind.
By the way, this thread isn't about me.
I wanted to know what you guys thought about teaching your teens the valuable life things they REALLY need to know before leaving the house.
What you are GOING to do or HAVE done for your teens before they left the house?
What things are you going to leave up to them once they hit late teens so they know how to do them on their own? IE bedtime, working, etc..
Obviously if they don't find out on their own natural consequences then they are doomed to repeat their mistakes...
My daughter was fairly independent so what she hadn't mastered by high school she picked up on when she moved away to go to college and when she relocated for her job. Some things she learned from us at home, and some she learned by doing and from observing others. She is still learning and adjusting.
My son is in no hurry to leave home and doesn't seem to have learned much either. Although nobody knows for sure until they try right?
I let mine start learning about work when they start wanting things. They always get that lecture how I worked for everything extra that I wanted since I was 12 years old.
I help them learn to drive and help them with their first car - they know how much of a car they'll get unless they chip in the extra money if they want something more. I'll keep them on my insurance plan if they don't get tickets or claims that would raise my rates, if they do that then they're going to be on their own. Maintaining the car will become their responsibility once they're out of high school.
The social life is restricted. When they get over 16 they can date but are encouraged to wait even longer so they'll know that I don't think a social life is that important for them. They don't have to have one. But as they approach age 18 they can have one. After 18 if they're okay as roommates living in my house they can stay until they're older but they still get to put up with my opinions and know if they don't like it, they're old enough to go.
But bedtime and cleaning their rooms, I don't make those an issue. Once it appears that they have moved out, their former room is quickly converted into something else so they know that moving back in isn't something they can just do whenever they want and easily - but they pretty much know they could if they really had to.
What's wrong with a social life?
I don't see anything wrong with spending time with friends and learning how to co-exist with others and being out and having fun...
We've allowed them to be responsible on a continually increased level their whole lives. When they were younger with chores, as they got older, they would be responsible for getting themselves up for school on time. We discuss what responsibility is and how it can be achieved. Both my kids have worked in high school/college to pay for many of their own things. We discuss some financial decisions with them - not for their input but so they can see that adults have to make choices also. When my son was little he would envy the "cool cars" some of his friend's parents drove and make comments about our next car being a "cool car"...I would respond by saying "well, I suppose we COULD do that. You would have to give up your activities and we couldn't do X, Y or Z but that's something to think about" He knows we put off some things in favor of others. He has recently seen how fast money can go if spent of fast food. He hadn't been in the mood to pack his lunch so he's been going every day with his friends to Chipotle or Anthony's or Sonic or wherever...He just took a look at his bank statement and was . Spent lots of money but has nothing to show for it. He's back to packing his lunch.Tough lesson but he'll remember it. Both my kids are capable of cooking a basic meal, doing laundry etc. They also know that if they are struggling with a class, they need to initiate assistance or I will. (ETA - in high school only...college they are on their own. I don't even look at grades - not my business unless she is endanger of losing her scholarship). They prefer to handle things themselves and let me know they are dealing with it. My DD is away at college but still is increasing her awareness every year. First year - dorms...second year "all included" apartment....this year - house with separate bills and dealing with a landlord. She has had to get utilities hooked up and bills paid on time etc. I feel very comfortable with how they are coming along.
Last edited by maciesmom; 10-13-2010 at 10:59 AM..
Reason: sp
I'm sitting in my living room, watching teen mom, sick head and stomach crap and was randomly thinking random thoughts as I looked at the clock scheduling my downtime before bed, I have like 25 more minutes btw..
I was thinking that this transition has not been smooth for me and that I am learning a lot for the very first time. Especially being sick I don't want to do anything but lay in bed and do nothing but I know I can't.
I started thinking about things that I have to do and budget and think about and I was thinking about how I am so ill-prepared to do so and learning a lot the hard way.
Things like working, planning, scheduling, downtime, social life, money all came to mind.
By the way, this thread isn't about me.
I wanted to know what you guys thought about teaching your teens the valuable life things they REALLY need to know before leaving the house.
What you are GOING to do or HAVE done for your teens before they left the house?
What things are you going to leave up to them once they hit late teens so they know how to do them on their own? IE bedtime, working, etc..
Obviously if they don't find out on their own natural consequences then they are doomed to repeat their mistakes...
What do you think?
Taught her how to use public transporation. Taught her to always be aware of her surroundings. Taught her to think for herself and to try to judge whether someone else's motives for doing something might be in their best interest but not in hers. Taught her to always try and do her best, even if she's not THE best at something she is trying to do. Taught her to weigh risks against possible outcomes before making a decision. Taught her to always note where the exits are in any building or facility that she may be in and that it's best if you are wearing shoes you can run in. Taught her that when she makes a plan or has a goal to also have alternatives if possible. Taught her that it will often be to her advantage if she is the one to initiate a "hello" or "good morning/afternoon/evening" when she meets someone. Probably missing some here, but those are pretty basic life lessons. (My daughter is in her second year of college now.) Oh yes, I taught that if she decides to have sex, it must be her choice and not a decision made because she wants to keep a boyfriend or is being pressured, and that if she doesn't use birth control, she could end up living like her cousin with five kids, stuck with an unemployed loser living in a van in a campground.
On her own, she likes to go to bed early and rise early. She wasn't like that when she was small, but somehow by the time she got to high school, she found she preferred this. Didn't have to teach her to clean her room or anything much--she likes things clean and neat and was always a little weird that way, even when she was a kid (she does not take after me in that regard.)
I wasn't taught much of anything.
Not how to budget, use a transportation system, anything.
I have my natural instincts and a lot of what I have learned from being around law enforcement, I have already done or it really came naturally to me.
I can't budget time, stick to a schedule anything.
You're a very smart and independent young woman. You're going to learn all the things you need to know to be successful. Just focus on what it is you're trying to do--budget time or money, use public transportation, eat well, whatever--and you'll learn these things soon enough. You're already ahead of a huge percentage of the population because you realize that you don't know how to do them but need to know. Watch people you admire and see how they do things. You can learn a lot by careful observation.
And remember, if you want to be successful, hang out with successful people. If you want to be a loser, hang out with losers.
I wasn't taught much of anything.
Not how to budget, use a transportation system, anything.
I have my natural instincts and a lot of what I have learned from being around law enforcement, I have already done or it really came naturally to me.
I can't budget time, stick to a schedule anything.
But recognizing that is half the battle. Get a planner, write things down when they need to be done, when things need to be paid etc. Look at it every day and make your plan. I know you have a Blackberry but I think if you are just starting out, it would be easier to work with a bigger thing like a weekly or monthly planner.
Ask someone you know who is super organized to help.
I've posted a couple times about how we are teaching our kids about money and work so I won't go into extraneous details, but outside of all the obvious teaching your kids about the value of a dollar and that they need to work to earn money is a lesson everyone should instill in their kids.
We have been using a method with my son for the past two years (he is almost 6) and it has worked like a charm. We no longer get the pleading I want, I want, I want comments and he has learned some tough lessons on budgeting and credit. I can expound if anyone wants me to, but I have posted about our method before.
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. Spent lots of money but has nothing to show for it. He's back to packing his lunch.
Tough lesson but he'll remember it. Both my kids are capable of cooking a basic meal, doing laundry etc. They also know that if they are struggling with a class, they need to initiate assistance or I will. (ETA - in high school only...college they are on their own. I don't even look at grades - not my business unless she is endanger of losing her scholarship). They prefer to handle things themselves and let me know they are dealing with it. My DD is away at college but still is increasing her awareness every year. First year - dorms...second year "all included" apartment....this year - house with separate bills and dealing with a landlord. She has had to get utilities hooked up and bills paid on time etc. I feel very comfortable with how they are coming along.
