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Yeeeeah… no. That isn’t going to happen. I don’t like the thought of it (nor can I afford it) and he wouldn’t go for it. Trust me, it just wouldn’t happen. Thank you anyway.
I am 30, full time job, unmarried but been with my partner for 9 years.
My MIL was very much like this with Mr. X and her other children. It is very hard to break the cord especially when its the parent that refuses. You have to set boundaries and speak to them as an adult not as their child on certain things. I am not saying be disrespectful and not be their daughter but when you ask them something or you say that you are going somewhere, don't make it sound as though you need their validation or permission.
As for his dreams, you need to be frank with him and tell him that "You aren't going to die and that he is not going to lose you. You will always be his daughter but you are a grown woman and will live your life with or without his permission." Don't tell him everything you do in your life, whether its relationship wise, a trip somewhere outside of the country (unless your going to live abroad again and if its a vacation for two weeks to another country leave it before a few days to tell him), finances and stuff. Sometimes the more information we deluge these type of parents with becomes their worry for nothing. When a problem may seem minuit to us, it becomes their mountain out of a mole hill.
I am not saying you can't confide, just choose wisely the information you tell or if you need to tell dad everything, then wait until after you have done it.
Keep in mind even though your 30, he still views you as his little girl. Sometimes they need a gentle reminder that you did grow up
My mom is anxious about everything. She does still treat me like I'm a kid but she's not as bad as she used to be. She doesn't think I am capable of driving properly and that pi$$es me off. I'm a good driver. She instilled this fear of the Queensway in me(that's a highway we have in Ontario) where you can go up to 100 km/h. I have never driven on it because of this fear she instilled in me. However, she claims its not her fault that I'm scared to drive on it
"A gentle reminder" won't work with some parents. My mother was a control freak, not just to me from childhood on, but to everyone. You can talk about "smother love" and concern and all of that, but the fact remains that some people just can't butt out of a relationship. It can be children, neighbors or co-workers, it doesn't matter, they think that they have the obligation to control regardeless of the other persons wishes.
They won't change. I finally got away from my mother's overbearing personality when she had to go into a nursing home. I would tell her to leave me alone, don't call, don't try to run my life, etc, etc, she would just say, "oh, you don't mean that," and just keep right on. In her mind, I never grew up. I was still that little five year old baby.
My mom is anxious about everything. She does still treat me like I'm a kid but she's not as bad as she used to be. She doesn't think I am capable of driving properly and that pi$$es me off. I'm a good driver. She instilled this fear of the Queensway in me(that's a highway we have in Ontario) where you can go up to 100 km/h. I have never driven on it because of this fear she instilled in me. However, she claims its not her fault that I'm scared to drive on it
Try to break free from what she did! Get your husband to go with you and give it that Queensway a try, Lisalan!
"A gentle reminder" won't work with some parents. My mother was a control freak, not just to me from childhood on, but to everyone. You can talk about "smother love" and concern and all of that, but the fact remains that some people just can't butt out of a relationship. It can be children, neighbors or co-workers, it doesn't matter, they think that they have the obligation to control regardeless of the other persons wishes.
Yes what is the deal with controlling neighbors and co-workers? What is up with these people?
Well, I don't think your father is "overprotective" as much as he is "crazy". An overprotective parent won't let their kid play on the jungle gym because they might fall and hurt themselves and that's what they will tell their children. A crazy parent won't let their kid play on the jungle gym because they had a dream about them falling and breaking their neck and that's what they will tell their children. See the difference?
You have distance and live somewhere else, so that obviously makes things a bit easier on you. As it is if your father is unwilling to see a psychiatrist and get help then there isn't much you can do for him and the more you let him into your life, the more he will work to force your compliance with his vision.
Well, I don't think your father is "overprotective" as much as he is "crazy". An overprotective parent won't let their kid play on the jungle gym because they might fall and hurt themselves and that's what they will tell their children. A crazy parent won't let their kid play on the jungle gym because they had a dream about them falling and breaking their neck and that's what they will tell their children. See the difference?
It's even worse than that! The OP's father doesn't have the dreams! He makes them up to scare his daughter!
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