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Thanks for all of the feedback. - Here's an update:
When I got home, even though I told myself I wouldn't yell at him, I did.
Reiterating the fact that he had been lieing to me for an entire week which is unacceptable.
I did shut him in his room, but I didn't feel comfortable with him being in there with the door shut (especially with the good tong lashing I had just given him). As some of you stated, I couldn't see what he was doing and that worried, so I ended up opening the door and letting him freely go to the bathroom and get something to eat.
I told him to show me what he had been working on on his own, and he did. I told him that he was not on punishment for doing it on his own, but for lieing to me about it. Sent him back into his room and about 10 minutes later he came out and apologized and said that he wouldn't do it again.
The apology really made me want to take him off of punishement. But I decided to stick with it for a day, just to be sure he's learned a lesson. He will still be in the house, doing chores all day today. He also missed out on his little cousin's football game and his girlfriend's father's birthday gathering. He has not be in contact with ANYONE and he is a social butterfly, so I know he is feeling it. I think I will give him back his phone tomorrow, but he will still need to stay in the house.
Thanks for all of the feedback and suggestions!! I did take them all into consideration while thinking of his punishment for today.
I am of two minds on this subject: One is I detest liars and when raising kids, one hopes to raise moral, ethical kids. On the other hand, teens are trying to assert independence and school can be considered punitive to a kid . . . and even abusive if you consider that conditioning can kill the soul of a person . . . and I think all kids, all people actually, lie as a form of survival, to be able to do what they want, which is not an unhealthy trait for a human being . . . It is just that conditioning is so highly valued in our culture that to have a kid who fights the conditioning is considered a fate worse than death. Let him have his own destiny is my philosophical instinct, but as a parent, I too would be insulted and concerned.
Yes, I agree that he basically lied to me so that he could do what HE wanted to do. But at 14 years old, even though he may think he knows it all, that's not the case.
I do want him to grow to be an independant adult, but at this time, I am not ready (nor is he ready for me) to let him just "have his own fate" and do what he wants to do. He still has lots of growing and learning before he can make responsible decisions on his own. I'm not saying that he will always make the right decisions, but he needs to know that the wrong decisions will have consequences. And if I can get that into his head before he gets out into the Real World, I think it could make a big difference on his destiny. Thanks for your input!!
I do want him to grow to be an independant adult, but at this time, I am not ready (nor is he ready for me) to let him just "have his own fate" and do what he wants to do. He still has lots of growing and learning before he can make responsible decisions on his own. I'm not saying that he will always make the right decisions, but he needs to know that the wrong decisions will have consequences. And if I can get that into his head before he gets out into the Real World, I think it could make a big difference on his destiny. Thanks for your input!!
My goodness! With that screwy attitude you child is probably going to be....
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Last edited by DewDropInn; 10-23-2010 at 04:57 PM..
Apparently, he has been studying on his own, everything that he told me they went over in tutoring, he went over on his own. He showed me the problems that he's been doing. I asked him if there was ANY reason that he didn't want to go to tutoring, and he said "No". He just thought that he could do it on his own.
Outside of lying, I think that it's good that he thought he could do it on his own and that he wanted to try to. Maybe next time, instead of telling him he is going to tutoring, you could discuss it with him, get his input on it and work on a plan together - either tutoring or his own study schedule. Perhaps he doesn't need tutoring (and doesn't want to be seen to), perhaps he just didn't work hard enough and he knows that. I'm assuming that he's in 9th grade and these could be his first quarterly progress reports he's received in high school - maybe the overall grade of 'unsatisfactory' surprised him too...
The quiz on Tuesday might help make it clearer as to where he's at with his algebra anyway.
I just found out that my son has been lying to me all this week about going to tutoring after school.
Last week, he recieved an Unsatisfactory, for Algebra, on his Progress Report. I told him that he needs to go to tutoring after school everyday so that he can get higher grades on his tests.
Well, starting this Monday, he has been telling me that he's been staying after school for tutoring. I asked him what he did and he would tell me (a fib) about what they went over everyday.
I spoke with his teacher today and she told me that he has NEVER been to tutoring after school!! I asked him why he lied to me and he said that he had been studying on his own and didn't think that he needed to go to tutoring, but he didn't tell me because I would get mad at him.
I can not believe he sat there and lied to me ALL week long instead of just telling me. So he will be staying in his room, no TV, no phone, no nothing, all weekend. He will not be allowed out AT ALL....only to eat and use the bathroom, and he will need to ask me first!
Does this punishment sound too harsh? Has anyone else gone through this with their teen?
Way too harsh.
First off, just add some additional chores to keep him busy, I would take the phone but allow tv and no going out.
As for keeping him in his room like that, I am sorry but are you crazy?
Last thing I would want to do would be calling from my room to pee, if I have to go to the bathroom, I am going, not waiting.
He should be able to come out as he pleases, its not like with everything taken from him he is going to find something interesting in the house..
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gottasay
Not at all. Its not enough. What he did is inexcuseable. He wasted your money and he got bad grades, which won't help him with his career and then he'll end up back in your house sponging off of you when he gets fired for lying on the job. I wouldn't lock him in his room like the above poster said. That's too comfortable. I'd have him doing chores all weekend, starting at 5 am.
If you have kids.....I sure hope they turn out normal..
Tutoring at school does not cost anything. Usually it is done by NJHS students or the teacher after school is over.
I never liked tutoring either, embarrassment mostly but if I couldn't work out the problems in my head to where it clicked and I understood it no amount of tutoring could help me.
And I don't get what the big deal with lying is. People need to face the truth, you can't be honest to everyone and you shouldn't either. Sometimes lying is the better way to go.
Even though I do not live at home, I still lie to my mom about a lot, why you may ask? Because she is a liar and SHE twist the truth and she doesn't need to know a damn thing about me other than what I know she wants to hear.
She just recently told everyone that I left a waffle house the other night, drunk and with a man I met there at the waffle house.
I got locked out of the house I nanny for, cause I left my keys at home on accident and my mom refused to let me stay at her house because I am really sick right now.
I had one friend come to pick me up and we went to walmart so I could get some clothes to sleep in and a phone charger and we then went and chilled at waffle house till my other friend was off work, he had to work really late, like 1-2am and I ended up having to crash at a different friends house....
Some how that turned into me being this drunk ***** going off with random men at a waffle house....
Scuse me but I am not speaking to her for quite some time.....NOR will she EVER know the truth about anything ever again, I will tell her whatever I think she will like to hear and it'll be basic bland answers...things she can't twist, turn and manipulate....
I don't think she deserves anyone to be honest to her, go ahead paddle me but I will never be honest to her ever again..
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