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I know you think they never did, and good chances are they didn't. But you never can really know, since you are not with them 100 percent of the time. It's not about boundaries ajzjmsmom....many parents set many boundaries and still end up with a pregnant teen. When i grew up i had a friend who had the most conservative parents who set up tons of boundaries for her and she still ended up pregnant. Part of being a teen is doing really dumb stuff that you shouldn't be doing regardless of what you are taught. While we would like to think our children will not do this or will not do that, they often do it anyway. It's a big learning process on the age to becoming an adult and sometimes you fall off of the bicycle.
Of the pregnancy, abortion and unsafe sexual behaviour in regards to my kids, I don't think I know. You can speculate as much as you want and sit there and think to yourself that I am delusional but of those three things I am sure.
You are correct, it is not only about boundries, it is about balance. If we allow our children free rein to make adult decisions at such a young age then that is not balance. What is wrong with parents telling their kids they love them and because they do love them, they feel it is wrong for their kids to engage in risky behaviour? Why as society are we in such a hurry for our kids to grow up? Why are we so unwilling to be the unpopular parents and say no to those things we know as parents will hurt our kids in the long run?
Obviously my family has very different values than alot of people and that is okay, I am very comfortable with the way my family works and very comfortable that while I am not my kids friend, I am their advocate and they all talk to me about what is going on in their lives, even the 2 that are now on their own. It makes me very sad to see parents who think perhaps that their 12 and 13 yr old daughters will have need of b/c, so much so that they will arbitrarily put them on the pill and expose them to unneccessary levels of hormones at a very young age, before their young bodies have stopped developing. Oh well as the saying goes "to each his own."
As to the poster that asked "what grade" they were supposed to learn this in? Really? These values are taught AT HOME, or they're not.
My 8 & 10 year olds know that abortion is murder. When my dd was 6, her 3rd cousin, who became a dad at the ripe old age of 16 (his mom was 17 when he was born) was talking about his choices and asked what I would have done if it had been my dd that had gotten pregnant. From the backseat (I'm paraphrasing here) came, "Oh, that won't happen to me. I'm not that stupid. I love my children enough not to be 16 and to be married when they're born."
From the mouths of babes.
Can we see the future? No. But at the age of 6, my daughter knew that having premarital sex has consequences beyond just herself. Her then 17 year old cousin still couldn't see that. He certainly didn't learn it from any of his parents. He certainly didn't learn it in the school system that said that abstinence wasn't REALLY one of his choices and passed out condoms. He didn't learn it on TV, where he heard that abortion is a choice and sees teen moms being rewarded with their own shows and other material goods on Dr Phil and MTV.
Of the pregnancy, abortion and unsafe sexual behaviour in regards to my kids, I don't think I know. You can speculate as much as you want and sit there and think to yourself that I am delusional but of those three things I am sure.
You are correct, it is not only about boundries, it is about balance. If we allow our children free rein to make adult decisions at such a young age then that is not balance. What is wrong with parents telling their kids they love them and because they do love them, they feel it is wrong for their kids to engage in risky behaviour? Why as society are we in such a hurry for our kids to grow up? Why are we so unwilling to be the unpopular parents and say no to those things we know as parents will hurt our kids in the long run?
Obviously my family has very different values than alot of people and that is okay, I am very comfortable with the way my family works and very comfortable that while I am not my kids friend, I am their advocate and they all talk to me about what is going on in their lives, even the 2 that are now on their own. It makes me very sad to see parents who think perhaps that their 12 and 13 yr old daughters will have need of b/c, so much so that they will arbitrarily put them on the pill and expose them to unneccessary levels of hormones at a very young age, before their young bodies have stopped developing. Oh well as the saying goes "to each his own."
I'm don't think you are delusional but i do know often parents think "not MY kids" without thinking there is a possibility as well. I am not much for the hormones which is why i advocate other methods such as iud,diaphragm,condoms,the sponge, the FAM method. But lets be painfully honest...given the diet of most Americans do the added hormones really make a difference? I don't think any of us is in a hurry to make our kids grow up, we just understand that they are doing it. We give a mixed message in this country of you are growing up and i trust you next to... "not at YOUR age". The fact remains we lag behind most other western nations in these rates. And the only 3 differences is that we fail to accept teens have sex, give good access to bc and sex ed, and we promote abstinence. It's most likely a combo of all 3 things together to be honest thats causing this issue. While i would prefer to not have my 12 year old having sex i am putting her on bc because i don't want her to get pregnant and i want her to know i trust that when she is mature enough to have sex she will and not before.
As to the poster that asked "what grade" they were supposed to learn this in? Really? These values are taught AT HOME, or they're not.
My 8 & 10 year olds know that abortion is murder. When my dd was 6, her 3rd cousin, who became a dad at the ripe old age of 16 (his mom was 17 when he was born) was talking about his choices and asked what I would have done if it had been my dd that had gotten pregnant. From the backseat (I'm paraphrasing here) came, "Oh, that won't happen to me. I'm not that stupid. I love my children enough not to be 16 and to be married when they're born."
From the mouths of babes.
Can we see the future? No. But at the age of 6, my daughter knew that having premarital sex has consequences beyond just herself. Her then 17 year old cousin still couldn't see that. He certainly didn't learn it from any of his parents. He certainly didn't learn it in the school system that said that abstinence wasn't REALLY one of his choices and passed out condoms. He didn't learn it on TV, where he heard that abortion is a choice and sees teen moms being rewarded with their own shows and other material goods on Dr Phil and MTV.
I never said in the top 10 just in the upper levels....check the data too because it varies from year to year. And i said a FEW southern states are up there not a lot. And good you think abortion is murder....and many of us don't, your point is?
You know I get really frustrated to see the line I bolded. I am a religious conservative parent, who teaches abstinence to my kids, but I am also an intelligent person who understands sometimes things happen, so I have had the sex, STD, and birth control talk with my kids. Please don't make such wide generalizations about people.
Paganmoma implied I didn't talk to my children about sex often enough and only taught abstinence.
I was responding to that, not attacking religious conservative parents.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ajzjmsmom
I think it is interesting that your son has such a different view than you do in regards to the girls on birth control at a young age, you view it as a good thing, yet your son views girls like that less favorably.
It is interesting. That's why I shared it here. I always encouraged my children to form their own opinions and identities. I never said, "you should think X, Y, or Z" about any subject. I discussed things with them and asked them what they thought. I'm not saying you don't do the same. I'm just saying that was surprised because he otherwise has a healthy view of women.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus
That's exactly what I'm trying to say. We need to separate the birth control issue from the morality issue. If birth control is looked at for what it really is, a preventative health measure for young girls - and it's routinely administered, like vaccinations - perhaps we could gradually eradicate this way of thinking.
This radical idea of yours reminds me of China.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiana
There is no way I would put a teen girl on birth control just because she might have sex some day. BC should not be a routine prescription at say, age 13. There is a huge difference between using a condom or foam when having sex and taking a drug every day.
Totally agree. Nobody should be on birth control unless having sex regularly or a health issue that birth control helps.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus
Teenage pregnancy is almost completely preventable. I find the idea that it's still happening entirely more shocking that the idea of introducing BC at a young age. And I find having abortions at 15/16/17 even more shocking than that.
Abortion is definitely more shocking than birth control. I don't think you'll find anyone on either side of the fence who disagrees on that point.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ajzjmsmom
At 12 yrs old that is a 6th grader in middle school, if you honestly think it it okay for your 12 yr old to be having sex, I don't even know what to say to that.
That's the age I overheard my son's friend talking about receiving oral sex from a girl. I was shocked. I'm sure neither of their parents had a clue. It was a big warning to me that I needed to step up the sex education a notch.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ajzjmsmom
Look it is real simple, if anyone between the ages of 10 and 15 are having sex, sorry they are not ready for it, not matter what their bodies, parents or friends say about it.
Agreed. Young teens are not ready for sex in any way shape or form. Your acknowledgement of older teens is well grounded. Teens under 15 should be aware of condoms, but they shouldn't be on birth control! Birth control is for regular sexual activity, and a 10 through 14 year olds shouldn't have enough unsupervised time to become that sexually active.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ajzjmsmom
As for sex and not respecting yourself, why would a 12 or 13 yr feel the need to have sex? If consenting adults want to have sex, have at it, but if parents honestly think it is okay for their 12 and 13 yrs to be having sex, that is just mind boggling to me.
I don't think it's okay, but the reality is that some do begin sexual experimentation at that age without parental knowledge or approval. The parents of my son's friend were very conservative people. They would have been shocked (as I was shocked) to hear that he started having oral sex at such a young age. This doesn't mean they should be thrown on birth control. This means they need better supervision and appropriate sex education from their parents.
Are you joking? The side effects are the period from hell . But no serious you have to fight some doctors tooth and nail to get an iud in, because they tend to prefer you have been pregnant first because of a slightly higher expulsion rate. But there are a lot of non pill things like the patch,or nuvu ring,or the shot which are great for teen girls as well .
The patch and the ring are still hormonal drugs. You have to babysit a patch, e.g. reapply one every week, make sure it doesn't come off, etc. The ring has to be inserted into the vagina, something teen girls don't like to do. Plus you have to take it out on time, and here's the kicker for teens, put it back in again. The shot is fairly expensive, requires trips to the doctor every three months, and again, that means you actually have to go every three months and get it.
No,fewer then half admit they have sex theres a difference. I suspect like the numbers on infidelity the true number is higher because of many people not reporting correctly.Also teens of today seem to have far more creative ideas on virginity then we did, so they can still be doing unsafe things without actually having sex. And there are non hormonal things you can do for bc such as the iud, you could also teach her the fam method.
The idea that all teens are out having sex is incorrect. Many studies have shown about the same numbers; if kids were lying, the numbers would be all over the place (the same # wouldn't lie in different surveys). The age at first intercourse remains about the same from study to study, too. This age is 16-17 on average.
I think the idea of putting girls on BC at a certain age is treating them like animals. No one is suggesting a guy take daily pills, wear a patch, or stick something up his ***. Also, hormonal contraception and even the IUD is like killing a fly with a baseball bat. The studies also show that most kids aren't having regular sex. In fact, when you ask, did you have sex in the past month, the number is not that high.
While most teens had not had intercourse in the month before being asked about this (76 percent of females and 79 percent of males, the same as 2002), 12 percent of females and 10 percent of males reported having sex in the prior month.
The majority of teens had used some form of contraception during their first intercourse: 79 percent of females and 87 percent of males. And condom use is on the rise. As in 2002, it ranked as the most common form of birth control and was used at least once by 95 percent of teens.
Here are some facts about IUDs: (I know you're not the one advocating them in teens, just posting them here.)
The Truth about IUD's (http://www.mjbovo.com/Contracept/IUD-Truth.htm - broken link)
Last edited by Katarina Witt; 10-26-2010 at 08:13 AM..
Bear in mind these numbers require interpretation. Access to abortion is not the same from state to state. 88% of all U.S. counties have no identifiable abortion providers. In non-metropolitan areas, the figure rises to 97%. These number also vary considerably from state to state. Mandatory wait periods vary by state. Medicaid restrictions vary by state. The more conservative the state, the more restrictions are placed on elective abortion, and subsequently the lower the abortion numbers. Some states have no abortion providers.
Paganmoma implied I didn't talk to my children about sex often enough and only taught abstinence.
I was responding to that, not attacking religious conservative parents.
It is interesting. That's why I shared it here. I always encouraged my children to form their own opinions and identities. I never said, "you should think X, Y, or Z" about any subject. I discussed things with them and asked them what they thought. I'm not saying you don't do the same. I'm just saying that was surprised because he otherwise has a healthy view of women.
This radical idea of yours reminds me of China.
Totally agree. Nobody should be on birth control unless having sex regularly or a health issue that birth control helps.
Abortion is definitely more shocking than birth control. I don't think you'll find anyone on either side of the fence who disagrees on that point.
That's the age I overheard my son's friend talking about receiving oral sex from a girl. I was shocked. I'm sure neither of their parents had a clue. It was a big warning to me that I needed to step up the sex education a notch.
Agreed. Young teens are not ready for sex in any way shape or form. Your acknowledgement of older teens is well grounded. Teens under 15 should be aware of condoms, but they shouldn't be on birth control! Birth control is for regular sexual activity, and a 10 through 14 year olds shouldn't have enough unsupervised time to become that sexually active.
I don't think it's okay, but the reality is that some do begin sexual experimentation at that age without parental knowledge or approval. The parents of my son's friend were very conservative people. They would have been shocked (as I was shocked) to hear that he started having oral sex at such a young age. This doesn't mean they should be thrown on birth control. This means they need better supervision and appropriate sex education from their parents.
What are we as parents doing that we are putting our very young kids in this position to begin with? I know from reading posts on CD that alot of parents are definately more permissive with their kids then I was or will be with mine, and I am sure that there are those who would label me "helicopter mom" but I know where my kids are and who they are with, because they are my kids.
I completely agree with you that better superivision and appropriate sex education is needed from their parents. My Mom taught us sex education at a very early age and I was very surprised to see many of my high school friends had no clue, because their parents didn't talk to them. But in no way can I advocate parents that do discuss sex ed with their 12 to 15 yr old daughters put their daughters on b/c just in case.
I have no doubt both my daughter and her brothers would feel the same way about young girls on b/c as your son does.
The patch and the ring are still hormonal drugs. You have to babysit a patch, e.g. reapply one every week, make sure it doesn't come off, etc. The ring has to be inserted into the vagina, something teen girls don't like to do. Plus you have to take it out on time, and here's the kicker for teens, put it back in again.
The idea that all teens are out having sex is incorrect. Many studies have shown about the same numbers; if kids were lying, the numbers would be all over the place (the same # wouldn't lie in different surveys). The age at first intercourse remains about the same from study to study, too. This age is 16-17 on average.
I think the idea of putting girls on BC at a certain age is treating them like animals. No one is suggesting a guy take daily pills, wear a patch, or stick something up his ***. Also, hormonal contraception and even the IUD is like killing a fly with a baseball bat. The studies also show that most kids aren't having regular sex. In fact, when you ask, did you have sex in the past month, the number is not that high.
Here are some facts about IUDs: (I know you're not the one advocating them in teens, just posting them here.)
The Truth about IUD's (http://www.mjbovo.com/Contracept/IUD-Truth.htm - broken link)
The numbers do vary from study to study if you look at it Teen Sex Statistics - stats, facts, and more info on Teen Sex.. Also i explained that what constitutes virginity to these teens is much different then when we were kids. Oh they might not be putting a penis in a vagina. But a lot of them are doing risky things they could just as easily get them pregnant. I do advocate and iud as an acceptable form of bc for all ages. Believe me if they had make bc i would put my son on it as well. And of course they might not be having regular sex....but all it takes is one slip up no? And that is why when you put your teen on bc you monitor them and remind them about the ring, the patch, the pill. Or just do an iud or the shot or an implant if you can.
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. But no serious you have to fight some doctors tooth and nail to get an iud in, because they tend to prefer you have been pregnant first because of a slightly higher expulsion rate. But there are a lot of non pill things like the patch,or nuvu ring,or the shot which are great for teen girls as well 
.
