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I AM HAVING A BIT OF A DILEMMA. I AM A SINGLE MOTHER IN A 5 YEAR RELATIONSHIP AND I HAVE A 16 1/2 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER. MY DAUGHTER HAS RECENTLY GOTTEN SKIPPED AND IS NOW A SENIOR IN HS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL HAS HAPPENED TO HER DURING THE SUMMER VACATION BUT SHE HAS GOTTEN COMPLETELY DISRESPECTFUL WITH HER MOUTH AND HAS BECOME A COMPLETE MESS... ROOM,BATHROOM,CLOTHING ,HAIR ETC. SHE HAS NOW STARTED FAILING IN SCHOOL AS WELL BRINGING HOME F'S,D'S AND C'S WHEN SHE HAS NEVER BEEN LOWER THAN A B STUDENT. I REALLY DO NOT BELIEVE IN VIOLENCE WITH CHILDREN BUT I AM REALLY LOST WITH THIS ONE. HER BIOLOGICAL FATHER HAS NOT BEEN AROUND IN YEARS SO MY BOYFRIEND IS HER ONLY FATHER FIGURE WE HAVE A NICE HOME AND SHE REALLY DOESN'T WANT FOR ANYTHING. WE HAVE BEEN TALKING TO HER BUT IT LOOK LIKE IT'S FALLING ON DEAF EARS. ANY ADVICE ???
I AM HAVING A BIT OF A DILEMMA. I AM A SINGLE MOTHER IN A 5 YEAR RELATIONSHIP AND I HAVE A 16 1/2 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER. MY DAUGHTER HAS RECENTLY GOTTEN SKIPPED AND IS NOW A SENIOR IN HS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL HAS HAPPENED TO HER DURING THE SUMMER VACATION BUT SHE HAS GOTTEN COMPLETELY DISRESPECTFUL WITH HER MOUTH AND HAS BECOME A COMPLETE MESS... ROOM,BATHROOM,CLOTHING ,HAIR ETC. SHE HAS NOW STARTED FAILING IN SCHOOL AS WELL BRINGING HOME F'S,D'S AND C'S WHEN SHE HAS NEVER BEEN LOWER THAN A B STUDENT. I REALLY DO NOT BELIEVE IN VIOLENCE WITH CHILDREN BUT I AM REALLY LOST WITH THIS ONE. HER BIOLOGICAL FATHER HAS NOT BEEN AROUND IN YEARS SO MY BOYFRIEND IS HER ONLY FATHER FIGURE WE HAVE A NICE HOME AND SHE REALLY DOESN'T WANT FOR ANYTHING. WE HAVE BEEN TALKING TO HER BUT IT LOOK LIKE IT'S FALLING ON DEAF EARS. ANY ADVICE ???
Therein lies the problem, she's spoiled rotten. I don't necessarily mean in the princess kinda way like daddy's little girl because I don't know your guy's situation. However, based on what you described, nothing has been "hard" for her. Just my opinion, but I think too many parents in general wish to give their kids everything they never had growing up (totally understandable), but then they end up never giving their children a lesson in personal responsibility. She's 16, she can drive. Tell her to get an after school job if she's not going to bring home A/B schoolwork anymore. Not only is that a fair trade off for the lack of effort and disrespect she's displayed, but it will teach her real fast to either get those grades back up and take academics seriously, or to get used to the aprons the cashiers wear at Publix.
First, just a comment, it's really hard to read what you're writing because it's all in CAPS
But...it sounds like this dramatic change happened suddenly during the summer. Did anything happen during the summer? Is she having a boyfriend crisis? Have you noticed any possible evidence of drugs or drinking? Have you sat down and tried to have a heart to heart with her to see what's going on? How is her relationship with your boyfriend? Any issues there?
That's a big change from being a responsible, neat A/B student to sloppy, disrespectful failing student. Delve deeper. IMO it sounds like a red flag.
Firstly, I just wanted to let you know that all caps is akin to shouting in text. It's also hard for a lot of people to read visually or via other methods like speech output or braille display.
That said, I would check to see if she has depression. A lot of depression goes unnoticed in teens because it's blown off as being lazy and disrespectful, but there might actually be a root and a reason to her behavior. Poor hygiene and just "not caring" are classic signs of depression. A lot of parents are also scared that if their child is depressed, it's somehow their fault. That isn't necessarily the case either. There are a million reasons a child or teen could be depressed, or sometimes no reason at all (if it's purely chemical). It's worth looking into IMO.
Not for nothing but a big drop in grades could also indicate she is being bullied by one or more individuals. I have to bring this point up because I was a victim acting the same way when I was young. You have to look for bruises, cut hair or any damage on her clothing indicating an assault. And if she so happens to open up to that talk I would then drag the abusers and that's what they are down to the district attorney and have him lay the law down to them when they put their hands on another without their permission. Don't cut those parents any slack what so ever.
First, just a comment, it's really hard to read what you're writing because it's all in CAPS
But...it sounds like this dramatic change happened suddenly during the summer. Did anything happen during the summer? Is she having a boyfriend crisis? Have you noticed any possible evidence of drugs or drinking? Have you sat down and tried to have a heart to heart with her to see what's going on? How is her relationship with your boyfriend? Any issues there?
That's a big change from being a responsible, neat A/B student to sloppy, disrespectful failing student. Delve deeper. IMO it sounds like a red flag.
It sounds to me like she's a 16.5 year old girl who was suddenly thrust into the midst of a bunch of 18-year-olds, and expected to measure up, OR took time to seek out the least immature of those 18-year-olds so she would have peers who were emotionally on the same level.
Hanging out with a bunch of 18-year-olds who behave like 16-year-olds would be enough to cause any 16-year-old to behave badly. It sounds to me like this is the problem. She skipped a grade academically, but not emotionally. And so she has chosen her level of comfort.
Either put her back to Junior year, or take her out of school and homeschool her, or send her to boarding/finishing school where she has a much more controlled environment. Putting a 16-year-old girl into a class filled with seniors is just asking for trouble. If she had skipped a grade back when she was still in elementary school she would've had the chance to ease into it, emotionally. But what she did - is like slamming her emotions against a brick wall and then ordering her to smile pretty for the camera. It just won't work.
I am another "delve deeper" person. There is nearly always a reason for such a drastic change in behavior. Rarely does a person just change from being a put together A/B student to one who is a physical and emotional mess that is failing classes. Teens can be moody, and mouthy, but I think you are seeing a very drastic change that goes beyond the normal teenaged moodiness.
I don't think any of us can really tell what is going on from here. I don't think she is just spoiled. It sounds like something is really wrong. If you and her step father have a good relationship you should start by having a calm, non accusing conversation with her about your observations. I would also have her seen by a doctor to see if there are medical issues (depression, etc.).
Most teens can be moody and cranky but when a child goes through a drastic personality change there is usually something else going on (bullying, substance abuse, mental illness, etc.).
Violence is not the answer, and would probably just worsen the situation. Like others have said, you need to find out what's really going on with your daughter, which might take some time (especially if it turns out to be a delicate situation, like if your boyfriend did something to her and she doesn't want you to know kind-of-thing).
Keep your cool at all times. You are the adult and are her biggest role model. I know personally, I've had times when I've regretted yelling at my kids, but I've never regretted keeping my cool and talking calmly back to them (however hard it may be).
Did your daughter actually want to skip grades? Often this is done with the push of the school and the parents, with little thought for the teen or child. And just because she told you yes doesn't mean she really wanted too, perhaps try asking her if she would prefer going back.
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