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Hi All,
I am really stumped on this one and would appreciate any advice.
Background: My son is in 2nd grade at a small private school. He is new there this year. We like the school fine in terms of academics, etc. His work and attitude are improving. He happens to be exceptionally gifted but has motor skill delays.
Anyway, my issue is around one of his "friends" at school. This other boy is one year older (9) but in the same grade. EVERY time I see this other kid, the first thing out his mouth is "[John] was mean to me...John did this, John did that, etc." Very whiny. Today I sat in on the end of karate session and the whole time this other boy was telling all who would listen that John was mean, John was mean, John was mean. At the time, my son and this other boy were not even interacting.
Now, my son is 7, almost 8, and like any kid, he is not always nice and kind and thoughtful and polite. But he is not mean. We have never had any issues like this before; he has always had plenty of friends. When I asked my son what he said to the other boy, my son said that during a drill in karate, he said "I'm gonna beat 'ya" (at the task). Kinda like a na-na-na-boo-boo type of thing. (Talking smack, I guess you could say).
My son says that this other boy is constantly telling him "you're mean and I won't be your friend anymore" and that he is constantly threatening to tell on my son, etc. I have told my son that if he is doing what he is supposed to be doing then he doesn't need to worry about being tattled on.
Today, when this boy came up to me with the "your son is so mean" comment, I said to the effect of: look kids, either be friends and decide to get along or just don't be friends anymore, but I am tired of hearing about all of this.
The other boy responded with "well, I am just very sensitive and I don't take well to being teased".
I fear talking to the other mother is already a no-go, because she just goes on about how much more mature her son is, etc.
I really am stumped. I think this other kid is whiny and baby-ish but I can't really tell my son that. There are only 14 kids in the whole class, so although there are some options for other friends, it's kinda limited.
The other kid actually said that? Wow. I would have told him it's time to man up.
In the meantime, I'd tell your son to just be polite to him, but not to hang out with him all the time.
You would actually tell an 8 year old boy to man up He's a child. Mind you if the boy is really as sensitive as he claims to be he is going to be picked on like crazy when he is older.
From his age and other factors, it sounds like there is some sort of development delays with this other child. It could be a teachable moment for your son to show him how to handle situations like this - with kindness but still not allow himself to be walked over.
It could be a teachable moment for your son to show him how to handle situations like this - with kindness but still not allow himself to be walked over.
This is good advice, thanks, but....how?
It is wearying for me, every time I see this kid, he's telling me my son was mean. (BTW, he complains about other kids being mean, too, not just my son.)
I can only imagine how tiresome it is for my son having to deal with it 5 days a week.
If your son continues to tease this boy knowing the boy can't handle teasing, your son is being a bully. As a result, it would be wise to teach your son to consider the feelings of others and only tease friends who can handle it. Seriously, teasing isn't right. Lots of teasing is mean spirited. If this child is complaining about other children being mean, it's very possible that this child is a group target for teasing because he is different. Instead of finding him annoying, you should really take msm_teacher's advice and use this as an opportunity to teach your son to be compassionate of the feelings of others. If your son stops teasing this boy, the boy will stop complaining to you and your "weary" problems will be solved.
Although I would say the "bully" aspect is a little strong, I guess it is about teaching him to get along with others.
On the other hand, it seems as if my son isn't doing what the other boy wants, the other boy pitches a fit.
Example, there was a bug in the hallway of a museum they were visiting on a field trip, and my son was going to squash it, and the other boy had a screaming fit and said, "NO!! You're killing nature!!" (I witnessed this).
You would actually tell an 8 year old boy to man up He's a child. Mind you if the boy is really as sensitive as he claims to be he is going to be picked on like crazy when he is older.
Well, duh. All the more reason this kid needs to toughen up. Did you take that literally?
I was thinking this kid should take up some kind of martial art, but I see he already is. Perhaps the OP might address it with the instructor, but keeping it in the scope of what happens between the boys in class.
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He's a child. Mind you if the boy is really as sensitive as he claims to be he is going to be picked on like crazy when he is older.
