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I never saw hugging encouraged in school or when apologizing, I would hate that in fact. Nobody should be forced to have body contact with someone or have it thrust upon them.
That said, guys can hug at all ages if that's what they want to do.
EXCUSE ME, but did you even read everything? It is coming from another kid at school. We are new to the peer pressure thing, so excuse me again for trying to gain a little perspective.
Well here's your perspective: only one person who replied here agrees that there is anything at all wrong with anything you're describing. Take online advice for what it's worth, but if you don't want honest answers, why ask questions?
I was fine with everyone saying "relax, it's no big deal; he'll work it out for himself".
What I am not fine with is having my question become part of someone's political agenda and attacking me as "people like you" when the poster knows nothing about "people like me".
And, to be accurate, it is more than one other person.
I was fine with everyone saying "relax, it's no big deal; he'll work it out for himself".
What I am not fine with is having my question become part of someone's political agenda and attacking me as "people like you" when the poster knows nothing about "people like me".
Fair enough. This is not, or should not be, a political issue.
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And, to be accurate, it is more than one other person.
I counted one, versus 20 who see no problem with boys hugging and two I wasn't sure about.
Ordinarily I don't pay much attention to public opinion, but even I have to admit it is pretty striking when 87 percent of people on a public board agree on something. How often does that happen?
Really, though, being that I am a girl, I did not know what to say to my son when he brought it up. I didn't know if boys just worked it out for themselves, or what (which is what the popular consensus seems to be.)
His dad wasn't a lot of help because my son prefers to talk to me about these kinds of things.
It is unfortunate that someone can't even ask a question without the homophobe complaints, etc.
HOWEVER, why should my son "learn to brush off those types of comments" BUT the other boy (in the other thread) needs to be coddled and we need to be sensitive to him and his fragile nature? Why shouldn't the other boy learn to brush off those types of comments as well?
Because you are not his parent. You teach your OWN child how to brush off comments. You teach your OWN child how to have compassion and tollerance for others. You have no control over anyone but yourself and your own child. You can't change others. You teach your own child about compassion for others AND how to let is roll off when others aren't compassionate towards him. Those are two separate lessons we teach our children.
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Originally Posted by Zimbochick
The only child you can parent is yours. There will be many more children whose behavior you find less than desirable, but unless they are harming your child the only thing you can do is teach your child how best to respond, or preferably ignore.
Exactly!
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Originally Posted by calgirlinnc
Ha Ha.
Really, though, being that I am a girl, I did not know what to say to my son when he brought it up. I didn't know if boys just worked it out for themselves, or what (which is what the popular consensus seems to be.)
I'm the mother of a young adult male (and an adult daughter too). I assure you that boys work it out for themselves.
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Originally Posted by calgirlinnc
His dad wasn't a lot of help because my son prefers to talk to me about these kinds of things.
That's okay. It's fairly normal for boys to seek mom for emotional support. But dads do a good job of putting things into perspective. It's important to let dads be men and give gruff answers or dismiss things casually. THAT helps boys learn that it's not a big deal.
Dad dismissing it as not a big deal and nothing to worry about is a good perspective. My husband often just shrugged his shoulders and made what seemed to be quick dismissive comments. For the hugging question, my husband would have responded with one of the following comments: a) "So what, why do you care what she thinks?"; or b) "Then stop hugging kids that don't want hugged." LOL That would have been the end of the discussion. He would have walked away to go do something else.
Kids are smart. They take in what mom thinks and they also take in what dad thinks. They logically toss these conflicting concepts around in their minds throughout their lives.
Just the other day, my son was telling me about an important moment in his life---that he still remembers because it really made him think---where he and his father were having a conversation on the patio about killing ants when he was about your son's age, maybe a little younger. (I swear, this really came up recently and has nothing to do with your other thread and roaches! LOL).
My son was killing ants. His father walked by and said, "Why are you killing ants for no reason?" And my son said, "They can't feel it. They're just bugs." And his father said, "Well, even so, is it right for you to tourment them just because you can? How would you feel if someone bigger than you treated you that way?" Sure. They were just ants. But it was a lesson about how to treat others. My son 'got' it. Remembers it to this day--over a decade later.
Just to put this story into into perspective. My husband isn't a liberal pansy. He hunts. Our son hunts too now. Hunting has a purpose---killing for food. He taught to never kill anything you're not going to eat, and to kill humanely, don't cause suffering, etc.
Dads not being emotional supporters actually help kids learn to deal with life. There isn't always mom around. The world has lots of dads too. As a result, the roles of mom AND dad are both very important for children.
As soon as they understand the notion of "personal space". I don't even like people NEAR me, much less touching me.
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