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Originally Posted by aidxen I wonder if there is such a thing a modern chastity belt? If so we could stop all this illicit teen sex
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn
So it's just the girls that need to be subjected to draconian measures?
Although I wrote this somewhat tongue in cheek, I did not mention girls or boys. In fact I believe that as a society we do not teach boys to respect girls and we do not teach boys self control. So perhaps there could be modern chastity belts for boys and girls and then all would be right with the world.
My co-worker told me today, that he caught his 16 year old daughter having sex with her boyfriend.
To make things worse, it was under his roof. He said her boyfriend was over and the bedroom door was closed. She was to leave the door open when he was there and didnt. Co-worker said when he opened the door There they were going at it right in front of him!! wow!! (dont know why they were stupid enough to close the door and think they could just go at it withought getting caught ). Boyfriend got kicked out and co-worker and Daughter got in a very big fight over her stunt.
I could tell he was stressed about it. He knew she was no angel, but to go that far as in the house WOW.
What would some of you do if this happened?
If the BF was over 18 years of age have him arrested for Rape ,the other thing that I would do is set my daughter down and have a good heart to heart talk , about disrespecting her dear old Daddy " by Sexing A Boy " IN HIS HOUSE " the house doesn't belong to the Daughter or her Boy FIEND....LOL.. it belongs to the FATHER and MOTHER.
What about the parent being able to just simply set the rules in their house and require their child to follow them accordingly? It seems that the parents who take a harder stance with their children here get "beat up" for taking such a stance. If you take a hard line with your children then do what you have to do. If you decide to take a different approach with your child and it works great. No ONE way is the right way. Everyone is answering this question based on what they would do if they were in this situation.
What about the parent being able to just simply set the rules in their house and require their child to follow them accordingly? It seems that the parents who take a harder stance with their children here get "beat up" for taking such a stance. If you take a hard line with your children then do what you have to do. If you decide to take a different approach with your child and it works great. No ONE way is the right way. Everyone is answering this question based on what they would do if they were in this situation.
The problem here is that children have free will. No matter what the consequence is, they have the power to make a decision on their own. There are children for whom no consequence has the effect of inducing them to follow the rules. If you don't know that, then you've never met one like that.
wife n I were raising her G'son...he started dating at 15....I sat him down and explained the consequences of his actions.
#1 He would immediately quit school
#2 He would immediately become employed
#3 He would be responsible for the care and feeding of the child for the NEXT 18+ years.
Should he decide that she was his one true love, he would immediately get his own apartment and be totally self sufficient. Because we were NOT raising HER and their child.
#4 He would lose any chance of me buying him the truck that he wanted when he turned 16.
I also explained the alternatives and the ways to prevent a pregnancy.
5 years have gone by.....she is not now nor has she ever gotten pregnant. HE has shared the cost of her birth control pills
wife n I were raising her G'son...he started dating at 15....I sat him down and explained the consequences of his actions.
#1 He would immediately quit school
#2 He would immediately become employed
#3 He would be responsible for the care and feeding of the child for the NEXT 18+ years.
Should he decide that she was his one true love, he would immediately get his own apartment and be totally self sufficient. Because we were NOT raising HER and their child.
#4 He would lose any chance of me buying him the truck that he wanted when he turned 16.
I also explained the alternatives and the ways to prevent a pregnancy.
5 years have gone by.....she is not now nor has she ever gotten pregnant. HE has shared the cost of her birth control pills
And I did NOT buy him his truck....OH well....
This is a clever tactic. Teenagers in general (most people actually) do not feel threatened by a possibility or set of circumstances...ie things that don't exist (yet?). Every kid "knows" a high school pregnancy will f-up their life.
However, there is the implication that YOU would f-up life. You, Mr. Step-Grandpa, are much more real than a possible future pregnancy. Also, you, as a man, also are aware that mean between the ages of 15 and 115 are not content to hold hands with a woman.
This is why a sensible, grounded man should do the talk with the boys of the house. Leave the preaching, abstinence only, "just wait" nonsense to politicians and advocates. Your kid will encounter that flaxen haired, muscled frat fellow or that eager, perfectly shaped willing vixen someday. (We've all been with one or the other...) Wouldn't you rather they not surprise you with a grandchild?
We explained to our children throughout their lives that being an adult carries responsibility. We gave them increasingly graduated levels of responsibility from the time they were old enough to walk. We accepted sex as a normal and natural occurance - c'mon, 16? girls are 'feeling the urge' at 13! - and explained that, like every act, sex had consequences. Abstinence is a good idea, but self-protection, not giving in to pressure, the reasons for the pressure, and not indisriminately having children that they could not support were better and more rewarding choices. We also taught them that having children was a HUGE responsiblity, and taught them how to manage their money and their lives with frugality and caution. We were not 'rigid' parents, although by comparison with some of their friends' parents, we seemed to be! We were the house where all the kids came to party, and - no matter what - all car keys were put into a basket and kept in our room so no one could leave. This way if some started 'stealth drinking' no one got hurt. Other kids used to come to DH and me for counseling and help with problems and relationships, and we were always open, honest, and down to earth. We could and did tell them the physical consequences of everything; from liquor, through the different types of drugs they were exposed to, to sex, without hysteria, emotion, or preaching. We raised several foster kids as well. There were rules, with both rewards and consequences, and all of the kids - visitors, fosters, and our own - followed them. We taught them respect and self respect, self-reliance, and self-honesty, and this gave them the confidence to make choices based on what the expected results would be.
Waiting until a door opens and a parent discovers a child having sex is waiting too late. Unless you already have a long history and solid foundation of mutual expectations, trust, and conversation, you have already lost the battle. To this day, DH and I counsel and help neighborhood children, and all of our kids (except one) and fosters and neighborhood kids-all grown up!- are on our FB page and in emails and on the phone, talking like the amazing and wonderful, centered and smart, adults that they have become. The one that doesn't speak to us rebelled, did as he pleased, and expected us to bail him out; and when we did not - as we had told each one of them we would not - he was resentful and angry. Had we done so, we would have negated everything we had taught him and everyone else - that their actions have consequences.
My sons were told to never have sex with anyone under the age of 18. My son would have his a$$ kicked big time. No car for six months, and hard labor in the yard for a good three months, forget about anything aside from school and basketball practice for three months as well.
Ironically, I hold my sons to a higher standard than my daughter. I know she is on birth control. I don't know anything about the maturity of someone else's daughter, if she would accuse my son of molesting her.
I told my sons, take women home, and shake hands at the door if they had too much to drink or are under age 18. It is easier to avoid problems than to solve them.
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). Boyfriend got kicked out and co-worker and Daughter got in a very big fight over her stunt.
) Wouldn't you rather they not surprise you with a grandchild?
