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I think it is sad that a couple of you are dwelling on having boys instead of girls. I wanted girls because I am one and I understand them better, but I got over it before the first was even born. There are a couple things that I think about occasionally like not being able to shop for a prom dress or wedding dress, and having a few things in mind I would teach or do differently if I had a daughter than my mom did with me. But they are fleeting thoughts.
You are probably missing out on little moments with your boys because you are fixated on the fact that they aren't girls. How sad for them and for you.
And what are "boy things" and "girl things" anyway? Girls play sports and do martial arts. Boys take gymnastics and tumbling. Who says you'd be "into" any activity your child may choose?
I mean, in my mind I don't want daughters. Why? I don't really want to deal with teenage girls. I also don't understand anything any remotely girly. However, I know I'm not going to end up with all sons. Does it bother me? No. I want, and will love deeply, any child God gives me. I'm probably going to end up with ten daughters. Haha.
I am sorry you feel that you are missing something but I can only tell you that the idea in your head of what having a daughter is like wasn't my reality at all. My daughter hated sparkly girly things (except barettes those she liked) and that was fine. I think it may impede your ability to be close to your boys if you hold tightly to a fantasy of what having a daughter is like.
Boys long for affection and can be sensitive and connected to their mothers as well as girls can.
I never said I wasn't close to my boys. I said I struggle with it everyday and it makes me sad. They will never know my feelings. I know in my heart I would probably feel a stronger connection to my children if I had girls, but I wouldn't love them any more than I love my boys. I love them with everything I have got and they would never tell you any differently. They are showered with love and get lots of hugs (too much for them probably) daily. I support them in everything they do. Its just for me, once they are out of that baby state, I start to feel a disconnect with them. They are playing with trucks and action figures and dirt and watching boy stuff and lets face it, boy clothes are just not cute. I'm just not into those things. I am a super girly girl so it is really hard for me. I played softball and ran track when I was younger and was always playing street hockey with my brother, but I was a girl through and through and still am. And I love my boys...they are my life and my heart.
I hear young boys are harder, teen girls are harder.
This seems to be the conventional wisdom. but I disagree. We've all seen some out of control young girls and teen boys. I don't think either sex has a lock on bad behavoir at a certain age.
I've raised 2 girls, now in their early 20s. They were no more trouble at 16 and 17 than they were at 6 and 7. Does that vary with each individual child.... yep. Generalizing just doesn't work.
I never said I wasn't close to my boys. I said I struggle with it everyday and it makes me sad. They will never know my feelings. I know in my heart I would probably feel a stronger connection to my children if I had girls, but I wouldn't love them any more than I love my boys. I love them with everything I have got and they would never tell you any differently. They are showered with love and get lots of hugs (too much for them probably) daily. I support them in everything they do. Its just for me, once they are out of that baby state, I start to feel a disconnect with them. They are playing with trucks and action figures and dirt and watching boy stuff and lets face it, boy clothes are just not cute. I'm just not into those things. I am a super girly girl so it is really hard for me. I played softball and ran track when I was younger and was always playing street hockey with my brother, but I was a girl through and through and still am. And I love my boys...they are my life and my heart.
I don't understand. I don't get what the struggle is. There is so much more to a person than what kind of toys they play with or what kind of clothes they wear. I just can't imagine letting the kind of clothes you have to buy overwhelm your feelings to the point that it is a daily struggle.
I don't understand. I don't get what the struggle is. There is so much more to a person than what kind of toys they play with or what kind of clothes they wear. I just can't imagine letting the kind of clothes you have to buy overwhelm your feelings to the point that it is a daily struggle.
I struggle with the fact hat I don't have a daughter. I did not want any boys. I am pretty sure you have read my post in another part of this forum and replied to me that it was nice to see honesty and how hard you know it was for me. Maybe it wasn't you, I don't know. Anyway...I struggle with the connection that a mother and daughter have, like the one I had with my mom. With things that I know will never be, like dress shopping and pretty things and just being a mom to a little girl. There is a special bond that mom's and daughters have that is differnt from that mother/son bond and it hurts to know I won't have that...ever.
My mom once told me when I told her I don't understand how people could be, whatever... "If it is not the way you are, you will never understand them or their actions". So maybe some cannot understand as much as I try to explain it, because they don't feel the way I do or think I am wrong to have these feelings, but I am entitled to my feelings just like everyone else is.
I struggle with the fact hat I don't have a daughter. I did not want any boys. I am pretty sure you have read my post in another part of this forum and replied to me that it was nice to see honesty and how hard you know it was for me. Maybe it wasn't you, I don't know. Anyway...I struggle with the connection that a mother and daughter have, like the one I had with my mom. With things that I know will never be, like dress shopping and pretty things and just being a mom to a little girl. There is a special bond that mom's and daughters have that is differnt from that mother/son bond and it hurts to know I won't have that...ever.
My mom once told me when I told her I don't understand how people could be, whatever... "If it is not the way you are, you will never understand them or their actions". So maybe some cannot understand as much as I try to explain it, because they don't feel the way I do or think I am wrong to have these feelings, but I am entitled to my feelings just like everyone else is.
I don't know if that was me. I understand to a point. I have 2 boys and will never have a daughter either. I'm sorry it is to the point for you that it is a daily struggle. You are certainly entitled to your feelings, but you might be happier if you try to deal with them and get over it, for lack of a better way to explain it. It almost seems like something that could have a mourning period, the stages of grief, then you move on. I don't think it is healthy to hang on to feelings like that.
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