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Old 12-08-2010, 04:18 AM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,190 posts, read 7,946,217 times
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So I got to thinking about that nanny thread and everyone's response tohow they thought the girl was more worried about her personal time etc.
So I thought up some questions.

What would your rules for your nanny be? (Considering she had her own car etc and a way in and out of the house that didn't disturb the family.)

Would there be a curfew? On nights off or on weekends?
Guest rules?

Basically anything you can think of when it comes to being a nanny etc what would you do and what rules would you have?


As you all may or may not know I took a nanny job back in September.
I have the basement mostly to myself. Separate room w/ closet and my own bathroom.
I have a car now, a 2010 Kia Forte EX.
There is no curfew, I can come in and out of the garage and they can't hear it.
No car curfew on their car when I was driving it.
No guest rules, I can have friends over when I watch the kids. My male friends are allowed to spend the night.


I work 59 hours a month to cover my rent/utilities/cable/internet/cell phone(Blackberry w/unlimited text and 200MB of data.)

I have a bunch of CPR/AED/etc certifications. I can do underwater rescue with neck trauma. I am great with the kids. I teach them stuff. I take them places like the museum.

I would have to say I wouldn't have taken the job if any ounce of my freedom would be compromised.


But if you had a nanny what would it be like for her at your house?
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Old 12-08-2010, 06:51 AM
 
Location: Florida
7,195 posts, read 5,686,844 times
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I missed the original thread, and we don't have a nanny, so I'm answering these from a purely hypotetical point of view. We have a 17-year-old foreign exchange student right now, and obviously that is not the same thing, as we do have age-appropriate rules for her and she is treated like a teenager, not an adult, but I'm taking our situation into consideration in answering your questions.

What would your rules for your nanny be? (Considering she had her own car etc and a way in and out of the house that didn't disturb the family.)

I don't think we'd give her a curfew, but if she were supposed to be watching my kids the next morning, then I'd definitely say something if she stumbled in at 3:00 in the morning. I'd expect her to act like a working adult, which is what she would be. I would also want her to be a part of the family, and in my family, you let someone know where you are going and an approximate time that you will be home for safety's sake. So while she would not need to ask permission or what-have-you, I would appreciate knowing if she expected to be out very late.

I'm not sure about the guests. I don't think I'd allow male sleepover guests (though I might feel differently about a regular/steady boyfriend, as opposed to random guys sleeping over), and if I did not feel comfortable with a particular person in my home, then they'd be asked to leave. Whether the nanny is an adult or not, she's still living under my roof, and it's still my house, and for the safety of my children, we wouldn't allow random people to wander in and out at all hours. By the time someone is old enough to be a nanny, they should have outgrown the "let's have a slumber party every Saturday night!" mentality, so I really don't see that sleepovers should be an issue anyway.
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Old 12-08-2010, 07:11 AM
 
Location: beautiful NC mountains!
904 posts, read 2,865,364 times
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I think that I would not want my nanny (don't have one) coming in at all hours when she/he had the kids the next day. I also would not allow overnight guests. The last thing I would want is my child watching some guy carrying his shoes and pants wandering out the door at 8am. Not acceptable. I also would not allow any kind of illegal drug activity or smoking. (just personal). I also would for safty reasons like a text if the nanny was not coming home.

As far as the kids go...I would have a contract with a nanny. I would make clear "rules" as far as what duties she would have. (cooking, cleaning, whatever). I would expect someone I hired to be good to my children and to follow the house rules and discipline policies.
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Old 12-08-2010, 07:23 AM
 
852 posts, read 1,361,231 times
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Absolutely no overnight guests in my house with my children (unless it was a sister or cousin or something like that). I would want the Nanny who was caring for my children to be well rested so that she/he would be patient and alert the next day, so I'd definitely have a curfew on work nights.
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Old 12-08-2010, 07:49 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,499 posts, read 53,811,618 times
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absolutely no overnight guest of any kind. if you are off duty then so spend the night with your buddies at their house.

no drinking, smoking, drugs.
I think your employers are much too lenient. You say you don't want your personal freedoms compromised. I don't think that is reasonable while living under the roof of somebody else. All the certificates in the world can not guarantee you would make good choices about sleep over men. By that I mean some guy you think you know could be on drugs and go crazy. We read about it all the time.
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Old 12-08-2010, 10:12 AM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
30,702 posts, read 79,413,686 times
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We had a series of live in nannies. We had a 20 page set of rules that they had to sign to become our live in nanny. No boyfriends overnight was probably in the rules. No smoking defintiely was. OUr expectation were as well. We expected her to watcht he kids and clean up after them during the day. She was expected to take care of herself and live decently (clean her room, do her own laundry, make a meal once in a while if she ate with us, or make her own meals). We only had one Nanny ever reject the job when offered due to the rules and she was also not pleased with what we offered to pay because she had just come from nannying for some very rich people where she had the services of a maid, a cook, her own seperate apartment, a car and close to $60,000 per year. Otherwise, they all seemed to realize that if they did nto want to follow the rules, there are plenty of people who will. Some seemed to think that they could agree and then just ignore the rules. Not for long.

No curfew unless she woke us up coming in. However if she was so irresponsible as to be out late when she had to work early the following morning, she would not be there long. On the other hand, we had no problem with he napping when the babies napped or tlaking on the phone etc during such times.

Most of our rules were pretty basic. Primarily we expected a nanny to show common sense and good judgment. If she did not we did not try to control her with rules, we just got rid of her. We were looking for someone to care for our children, not a child that we needed to parent.

We never had a problem with a boyfriend as an overnight guest, it was never requested. The answer would be "No way" and if they had even asked, we would have been inclined to look for another nanny. That shows a lack of common sense and good judgment to even expect that would be acceptable. Our home is not a motel. WE do nto want to hear her sexual activities, nor to have to replace the bed when she leaves. Besides any overnight guest creats a potential liability problem for us. No thank you. If she wanted to stay overnight at a boyfriend's house, that is her business, as long as she was back on time in the morning. If she wanted to be gone all weekend, that was also fine. If we needed her to work a weekend, we paid extra and did not fault her if she said no.

For a relative or friend overnight - generally no problem in a pinch, not a regualr thing, but somethign special. ("My mom is coming to visit from Sierra Leone, can she stay her for a few days"). As long as it does not interfere with her caretaking and did nto amount to her taking advantage of us. We did not want our home to become her friends hang out place, or free hotel.

We generally allowed our nannies to use our cars in a pinch, but only when one was otherwise available. If we did nto need it, she could take a car for a weekend, but if she or anyone smoked in the car, then she was done using it (or maybe fired). However one Nany took off in my wifes car to go to a store and did not come back for three days. She had great references, certificates, and even an FBI background check. However she also had a drinking problem, several false identities and a propensity to sign my name on some of my checks that she took with her when we fired her.

Do not be surprised if the parents leave a video camera running from time to time. You are charged with the care of the most precious thing in their lives. If you were watching the Hope Diamond, don't you think that you would be watched? Why expect anything different with something even more precious? We did that and also came home at random times to see what was going on. One nanny we discovered was talking to her boyfriend at least four house a day while the babies cried and cried.

We did not allow smoking in or near the house. A nanny who left a lighter in in our girls crib when she picked up the baby, and then forgot to pick it back up was no longer our nanny anymore. My wife came home and found the baby sucking on the lighter. "Leave now"

Most of our Nannies were great and we stayed friends with several of them for years. One of them we helped her out with college a little bit after she left. However three of them were horrible and had to be fired. At first some of the horrible ones seemed much better than some of the ones who turned out to be great. There is no way to know who is actually responsible and who is too immature and self centered for the job, so we had to have rules. After a while, the better Nannies were allowed to bend or ignore the some of rules after they demonstrated that they cared for the kids, used common sense and good judgement, and put their responsibility above their own self interest when necessary.

Last edited by Coldjensens; 12-08-2010 at 10:27 AM..
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Old 12-08-2010, 11:33 AM
 
1,933 posts, read 3,739,925 times
Reputation: 1945
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens View Post
We had a series of live in nannies. We had a 20 page set of rules that they had to sign to become our live in nanny. No boyfriends overnight was probably in the rules. No smoking defintiely was. OUr expectation were as well. We expected her to watcht he kids and clean up after them during the day. She was expected to take care of herself and live decently (clean her room, do her own laundry, make a meal once in a while if she ate with us, or make her own meals). We only had one Nanny ever reject the job when offered due to the rules and she was also not pleased with what we offered to pay because she had just come from nannying for some very rich people where she had the services of a maid, a cook, her own seperate apartment, a car and close to $60,000 per year. Otherwise, they all seemed to realize that if they did nto want to follow the rules, there are plenty of people who will. Some seemed to think that they could agree and then just ignore the rules. Not for long.

No curfew unless she woke us up coming in. However if she was so irresponsible as to be out late when she had to work early the following morning, she would not be there long. On the other hand, we had no problem with he napping when the babies napped or tlaking on the phone etc during such times.

Most of our rules were pretty basic. Primarily we expected a nanny to show common sense and good judgment. If she did not we did not try to control her with rules, we just got rid of her. We were looking for someone to care for our children, not a child that we needed to parent.

We never had a problem with a boyfriend as an overnight guest, it was never requested. The answer would be "No way" and if they had even asked, we would have been inclined to look for another nanny. That shows a lack of common sense and good judgment to even expect that would be acceptable. Our home is not a motel. WE do nto want to hear her sexual activities, nor to have to replace the bed when she leaves. Besides any overnight guest creats a potential liability problem for us. No thank you. If she wanted to stay overnight at a boyfriend's house, that is her business, as long as she was back on time in the morning. If she wanted to be gone all weekend, that was also fine. If we needed her to work a weekend, we paid extra and did not fault her if she said no.

For a relative or friend overnight - generally no problem in a pinch, not a regualr thing, but somethign special. ("My mom is coming to visit from Sierra Leone, can she stay her for a few days"). As long as it does not interfere with her caretaking and did nto amount to her taking advantage of us. We did not want our home to become her friends hang out place, or free hotel.

We generally allowed our nannies to use our cars in a pinch, but only when one was otherwise available. If we did nto need it, she could take a car for a weekend, but if she or anyone smoked in the car, then she was done using it (or maybe fired). However one Nany took off in my wifes car to go to a store and did not come back for three days. She had great references, certificates, and even an FBI background check. However she also had a drinking problem, several false identities and a propensity to sign my name on some of my checks that she took with her when we fired her.

Do not be surprised if the parents leave a video camera running from time to time. You are charged with the care of the most precious thing in their lives. If you were watching the Hope Diamond, don't you think that you would be watched? Why expect anything different with something even more precious? We did that and also came home at random times to see what was going on. One nanny we discovered was talking to her boyfriend at least four house a day while the babies cried and cried.

We did not allow smoking in or near the house. A nanny who left a lighter in in our girls crib when she picked up the baby, and then forgot to pick it back up was no longer our nanny anymore. My wife came home and found the baby sucking on the lighter. "Leave now"

Most of our Nannies were great and we stayed friends with several of them for years. One of them we helped her out with college a little bit after she left. However three of them were horrible and had to be fired. At first some of the horrible ones seemed much better than some of the ones who turned out to be great. There is no way to know who is actually responsible and who is too immature and self centered for the job, so we had to have rules. After a while, the better Nannies were allowed to bend or ignore the some of rules after they demonstrated that they cared for the kids, used common sense and good judgement, and put their responsibility above their own self interest when necessary.
I was going to reply very similar and Cold Jensen bet me to it. I completely agree and would most likely have the same contract rules.
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Old 12-08-2010, 12:44 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,190 posts, read 7,946,217 times
Reputation: 3320
They are pretty relaxed with me.
I don't have a curfew, ever. Even on nights I work, as long as I do my job the next day and I am alert and functioning they don't care.
I could use their car whenever they weren't using it or they would take me to school/work but if I wanted to go out that night I could take the car and no curfew on that either.
Now that I have my own car they care even less what I do at night.

And by male friends spending the night, I didn't mean random men, I meant guys who were my friends, like the dude who lived with me at my mom's house, we've been best friends since high school. They LOVE him, he is here all the time, he does work around the house, they have him on their cell phone plan as well.

He lives a good 25 minute drive from me now and sometimes when its too late at night he doesn't want to drive all the way home, he hasn't stayed yet but he is allowed to. They even offered for him to live here too.

I can have female friends spend the night anytime and I never have to ask.

Someone said no drinking. Does that mean at the house or in general?
What I do in my free time is up to me, I just always have to keep work in mind.
They let me drink with them as well. Like have wine with dinner or have drinks at a get together they throw.

They can't even hear me come in during the day time when they are awake and in the house. Even with me opening the garage door and the inside door as well, they still are like oh woah hey whats up didn't hear you come in. They told me I was stealthy. I guess the past 4 years of sneaking in and out of my mom's house trying to be 100% quiet has paid off.

I am great with the kids too.
They really like me and I really like them. They are sweet kids and I enjoy spending time with them. I take them to the park, we play in the basement, I take them to museums.

Tonight, me and above mentioned guy friend are taking them to some lighting thing at the zoo tonight, his idea. He asked the mom last night, hey can I borrow your kids tomorrow night for the lighting at the zoo, she was more than happy to have us take them.

We're going to use my car to take them, which I am wary about because its brand new and I don't want crap getting all over the place but if I take the mini van they might want me to leave my keys for my car, its been a week and I don't think I am ready for that just yet.
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Old 12-08-2010, 01:17 PM
 
Location: maryland
3,966 posts, read 6,843,436 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens View Post
We had a series of live in nannies. We had a 20 page set of rules that they had to sign to become our live in nanny. No boyfriends overnight was probably in the rules. No smoking defintiely was. OUr expectation were as well. We expected her to watcht he kids and clean up after them during the day. She was expected to take care of herself and live decently (clean her room, do her own laundry, make a meal once in a while if she ate with us, or make her own meals). We only had one Nanny ever reject the job when offered due to the rules and she was also not pleased with what we offered to pay because she had just come from nannying for some very rich people where she had the services of a maid, a cook, her own seperate apartment, a car and close to $60,000 per year. Otherwise, they all seemed to realize that if they did nto want to follow the rules, there are plenty of people who will. Some seemed to think that they could agree and then just ignore the rules. Not for long.

No curfew unless she woke us up coming in. However if she was so irresponsible as to be out late when she had to work early the following morning, she would not be there long. On the other hand, we had no problem with he napping when the babies napped or tlaking on the phone etc during such times.

Most of our rules were pretty basic. Primarily we expected a nanny to show common sense and good judgment. If she did not we did not try to control her with rules, we just got rid of her. We were looking for someone to care for our children, not a child that we needed to parent.

We never had a problem with a boyfriend as an overnight guest, it was never requested. The answer would be "No way" and if they had even asked, we would have been inclined to look for another nanny. That shows a lack of common sense and good judgment to even expect that would be acceptable. Our home is not a motel. WE do nto want to hear her sexual activities, nor to have to replace the bed when she leaves. Besides any overnight guest creats a potential liability problem for us. No thank you. If she wanted to stay overnight at a boyfriend's house, that is her business, as long as she was back on time in the morning. If she wanted to be gone all weekend, that was also fine. If we needed her to work a weekend, we paid extra and did not fault her if she said no.

For a relative or friend overnight - generally no problem in a pinch, not a regualr thing, but somethign special. ("My mom is coming to visit from Sierra Leone, can she stay her for a few days"). As long as it does not interfere with her caretaking and did nto amount to her taking advantage of us. We did not want our home to become her friends hang out place, or free hotel.

We generally allowed our nannies to use our cars in a pinch, but only when one was otherwise available. If we did nto need it, she could take a car for a weekend, but if she or anyone smoked in the car, then she was done using it (or maybe fired). However one Nany took off in my wifes car to go to a store and did not come back for three days. She had great references, certificates, and even an FBI background check. However she also had a drinking problem, several false identities and a propensity to sign my name on some of my checks that she took with her when we fired her.

Do not be surprised if the parents leave a video camera running from time to time. You are charged with the care of the most precious thing in their lives. If you were watching the Hope Diamond, don't you think that you would be watched? Why expect anything different with something even more precious? We did that and also came home at random times to see what was going on. One nanny we discovered was talking to her boyfriend at least four house a day while the babies cried and cried.

We did not allow smoking in or near the house. A nanny who left a lighter in in our girls crib when she picked up the baby, and then forgot to pick it back up was no longer our nanny anymore. My wife came home and found the baby sucking on the lighter. "Leave now"

Most of our Nannies were great and we stayed friends with several of them for years. One of them we helped her out with college a little bit after she left. However three of them were horrible and had to be fired. At first some of the horrible ones seemed much better than some of the ones who turned out to be great. There is no way to know who is actually responsible and who is too immature and self centered for the job, so we had to have rules. After a while, the better Nannies were allowed to bend or ignore the some of rules after they demonstrated that they cared for the kids, used common sense and good judgement, and put their responsibility above their own self interest when necessary.

And you've had how many nannies in how many years?
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Old 12-08-2010, 01:21 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,190 posts, read 7,946,217 times
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Originally Posted by paganmama80 View Post
And you've had how many nannies in how many years?
Sounds like a lot.

And whoever said I can't expect freedom while living under someone elses roof, I could have just found a job where I had it. I took this one because they were so lenient.
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