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what kind of life is it that you think a teenager should have?
I don't think it should be anything like mine.
I will support my kids in whatever it is they want to be supported in, whether it be purple hair or marching band, whether they like sports or don't like sports.
I am all about find that, I can't think of the saying, middle something....someone help me think of it... but anyways that perfect balance in the middle, there's a term.
So often I see lazy and restrictive parents and their kids are miserable.
Like my friend H, the explorer with the crazy parents.
I want my kids to have the opportunity to be involved in school, playing sports or doing whatever, I want them to have friends and be social, I want them to be well rounded and healthy.
I won't restrict clothing styles, i'll veto slutty clothing but that's about it.
Hair, make-up, nail polish color, music, etc that's for them to decide.
And I will base it on when my kid shows interest in whatever it is.
Say I have a 15 year old daughter and she wants to dye her hair blonde on top and black on the bottom.... who am I to say no?
If she has the money to pay for it, more power to her.
If she has demonstrated good behavior, good grades and good judgment then I wouldn't have a problem paying for it.
If I have a 11 year old and she is unhappy with her leg hair who am I to say no to her shaving?
I am not the one who has to deal with the leg hair, it doesn't affect me, why is it my decision? All I can do is show her how and make sure she does it right and then let her go.
Basically how it will be in my house is if you keep your grades up, show good judgment and act right then I will have no problem with paying for a cool cell phone, driving the kid places, paying for them to do things.
A thing I want to change that my mom didn't do is that she couldn't financially be there for me a lot.
If my kid wants to attend a $300 summer soccer camp, I will be able to provide that.
I want my kids to have opportunities.
I want them in school, involved one way or another, out with friends and having fun.
I don't believe in this not trusting teenagers just because they are teenagers, its almost as if parents act like they don't know their kids, they treat them as if they are a stranger on some level and I want to eliminate that.
My household will definitely be more relaxed because they will have free reign over personal hygiene and appearance.
I won't impose rules that are below their maturity level.
To make it more clear, a typical day for my kid would be school, homework, activity/sport, dinner, with friends till time to come home or how ever they choose to spend their free time.
I also won't mind providing things my kids want for them, like the cool clothes, a cool cell phone with the unlimited package, as long as they do what they need to do, C or better in school, stay off drugs and don't act stupid. Being a teenager is hard enough, they should be comfortable in their own skin, why force them to live with hairy legs or a hair color they don't like?
I don't think it should be anything like mine.
I will support my kids in whatever it is they want to be supported in, whether it be purple hair or marching band, whether they like sports or don't like sports.
I am all about find that, I can't think of the saying, middle something....someone help me think of it... but anyways that perfect balance in the middle, there's a term.
So often I see lazy and restrictive parents and their kids are miserable.
Like my friend H, the explorer with the crazy parents.
I want my kids to have the opportunity to be involved in school, playing sports or doing whatever, I want them to have friends and be social, I want them to be well rounded and healthy.
I won't restrict clothing styles, i'll veto slutty clothing but that's about it.
Hair, make-up, nail polish color, music, etc that's for them to decide.
And I will base it on when my kid shows interest in whatever it is.
Say I have a 15 year old daughter and she wants to dye her hair blonde on top and black on the bottom.... who am I to say no?
If she has the money to pay for it, more power to her.
If she has demonstrated good behavior, good grades and good judgment then I wouldn't have a problem paying for it.
If I have a 11 year old and she is unhappy with her leg hair who am I to say no to her shaving?
I am not the one who has to deal with the leg hair, it doesn't affect me, why is it my decision? All I can do is show her how and make sure she does it right and then let her go.
Basically how it will be in my house is if you keep your grades up, show good judgment and act right then I will have no problem with paying for a cool cell phone, driving the kid places, paying for them to do things.
A thing I want to change that my mom didn't do is that she couldn't financially be there for me a lot.
If my kid wants to attend a $300 summer soccer camp, I will be able to provide that.
I want my kids to have opportunities.
I want them in school, involved one way or another, out with friends and having fun.
I don't believe in this not trusting teenagers just because they are teenagers, its almost as if parents act like they don't know their kids, they treat them as if they are a stranger on some level and I want to eliminate that.
My household will definitely be more relaxed because they will have free reign over personal hygiene and appearance.
I won't impose rules that are below their maturity level.
To make it more clear, a typical day for my kid would be school, homework, activity/sport, dinner, with friends till time to come home or how ever they choose to spend their free time.
I also won't mind providing things my kids want for them, like the cool clothes, a cool cell phone with the unlimited package, as long as they do what they need to do, C or better in school, stay off drugs and don't act stupid. Being a teenager is hard enough, they should be comfortable in their own skin, why force them to live with hairy legs or a hair color they don't like?
You are so young right now, and believe me just about every young person who thinks about their future with children has these ideals of how they want to raise their kids. Then you have that first child and reality hits, it is suddenly not as cut and dried as it was, the decisions suddenly aren't so easy.
There has to be a balance and while sometimes it is okay to allow your kids to express themselves, in other instances you have to be the parent and be able to draw on your own life experiences to help your child make the right decision for themselves.
To be honest my kids never rebelled, other than occasionally having a smart mouth, my daughter never wanted to color her hair any funky colors, all my kids know that if they wanted to do something that required that they wait until they were 18, then that was the way it was. So no tattooes, no piercings outside of the ears for my daughter and no piercings at all for my sons. That is just the way it is, we feel like as parents we are more than fair, we make our decisions based on what is best for the individual child and our family. That being said would I have allowed my daughter to color her hair at 14? It would depend on what color she wanted to color it.
The thing is with our family the ideals, values and rules we live with are the same ones we started out with, so my kids have known what to expect from day 1.
So basically because you don't personally like it they can't wear it?
There's no "they" in this one. She's speaking for herself.
She is pointing out the same thing that I was going to: not all women live as described in that paragraph. It is okay not to wear makeup, too. The only time I ever wore makeup was a tiny bit at my sister's wedding - I was maid of honor, and it was important to my mother. Most of that list also does not apply to me. And that's fine with my husband.
There's no "they" in this one. She's speaking for herself.
She is pointing out the same thing that I was going to: not all women live as described in that paragraph. It is okay not to wear makeup, too. The only time I ever wore makeup was a tiny bit at my sister's wedding - I was maid of honor, and it was important to my mother. Most of that list also does not apply to me. And that's fine with my husband.
You should allow your child to decide they want to go that route. I can semi understand when they are too young. But once they reach an appropriate age you shouldn't tell them no simply because you like the natural beauty look. And most any guy is going to be happy with his wife no makeup alive. And let's face the blunt facts....not many guys are ever gonna say "baby you would look a lot better with some makeup on" .
There's no "they" in this one. She's speaking for herself.
She is pointing out the same thing that I was going to: not all women live as described in that paragraph. It is okay not to wear makeup, too. The only time I ever wore makeup was a tiny bit at my sister's wedding - I was maid of honor, and it was important to my mother. Most of that list also does not apply to me. And that's fine with my husband.
I'm really not trying to sound like a jerk, I just don't know how it is possible? Most of that list was normal, everyday stuff. I guess I understand the no makeup, but the rest??
I'm really not trying to sound like a jerk, I just don't know how it is possible? Most of that list was normal, everyday stuff. I guess I understand the no makeup, but the rest??
I think it boils down to losing control....some parents can't handle the fact their baby is growing up and think denying them the right to do those things are going to make their child stay a baby longer. I have known various women over my life who have denied their children the ability to wear makeup *though it's usually ignored out of the house*, start wearing a bra *again ignored outside of the house*, or shave. Though in the last one the mother would check to make sure she didn't shave until she turned 16 and the girl shaved anyway....her mother was furious lol.
There's no "they" in this one. She's speaking for herself.
She is pointing out the same thing that I was going to: not all women live as described in that paragraph. It is okay not to wear makeup, too. The only time I ever wore makeup was a tiny bit at my sister's wedding - I was maid of honor, and it was important to my mother. Most of that list also does not apply to me. And that's fine with my husband.
I do most of the things on that list (except manicures because I chip my nails very easily) because I like to. However, I have plenty of women friends who wear no make-up, don't shave, own no high heels. If that's how they feel comfortable, that's how they feel comfortable. But I'm in my 40s, and I find that by the time we get here, we get much more accepting. My SIL who never wears make-up teases me for reapplying my lipstick in a dark movie theater and we laugh about it.
I find it interesting that people bring up their appearance, as if their children are an extension of themselves, or their children must follow their example. I never wear make-up, I am the least feminine person ever, I enjoy doing weird things with my hair, I love custom jewellery, I don't own many dresses, no high heels. This, however, has nothing to do with my daughter, she is not me. She is still young, but she is a total girly girl. She has a closet full of dresses, loves fancy shoes, make-up, etc. Just because I dress a certain way, or do or do not wear make-up, color my hair or any other feminine pursuits have little to do with how my daughter expresses herself as a person or as a woman. My daughter always laughs at my femininity-challenged self, and I am always amazed and delighted that I should have a daughter so totally different to me.
I find it interesting that people bring up their appearance, as if their children are an extension of themselves, or their children must follow their example. I never wear make-up, I am the least feminine person ever, I enjoy doing weird things with my hair, I love custom jewellery, I don't own many dresses, no high heels. This, however, has nothing to do with my daughter, she is not me. She is still young, but she is a total girly girl. She has a closet full of dresses, loves fancy shoes, make-up, etc. Just because I dress a certain way, or do or do not wear make-up, color my hair or any other feminine pursuits have little to do with how my daughter expresses herself as a person or as a woman. My daughter always laughs at my femininity-challenged self, and I am always amazed and delighted that I should have a daughter so totally different to me.
I don't think kids have to be an extension at all. I truly am just baffled at the women who say they don't do any of the stuff on the list. I get the no makeup because I have known women who really don't wear much if any at all. And I get that some women don't want to or don't like heels. The rest is just basic stuff to me, I guess???
I'm not talking buying Prada or wearing Manolo's. I'm talking shaving your legs and waxing your eyebrows???
I find it interesting that people bring up their appearance, as if their children are an extension of themselves, or their children must follow their example. I never wear make-up, I am the least feminine person ever, I enjoy doing weird things with my hair, I love custom jewellery, I don't own many dresses, no high heels. This, however, has nothing to do with my daughter, she is not me. She is still young, but she is a total girly girl. She has a closet full of dresses, loves fancy shoes, make-up, etc. Just because I dress a certain way, or do or do not wear make-up, color my hair or any other feminine pursuits have little to do with how my daughter expresses herself as a person or as a woman. My daughter always laughs at my femininity-challenged self, and I am always amazed and delighted that I should have a daughter so totally different to me.
The only time I have ever seen my mother in a dress was at our weddings! She's a no make-up, no hair color, plainly dressed woman, as is my oldest sister. I'm the only woman in my family who will put on a pair of heels, and I wear them regularly. As for my girls, I don't always like their fashion choices, but as long as their clothes aren't inappropriate for the situation, ill-fitting or stained, I just let them do what they want. Today, my youngest went to school in an over-sized blue R2D2 tee over long-sleeved white shirt, black leggings, and silver boots.
Now hair color bothers me because of the chemicals on their beautiful, natural, healthy hair. My 11 y.o. daughter shaves her legs already (I wasn't going to force her to feel humiliated during gym class because she wasn't "old enough") and wears a little lip gloss. She hates eye make-up when she's had to wear it onstage, so she doesn't even ask about that.
My 7 y.o. has just asked to get her hair cut (long, blond, curly), and I'm crying inside, but if it's what she really wants, we'll do it.
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I guess I understand the no makeup, but the rest??
