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Old 12-11-2010, 10:05 PM
Status: "John 16:33" (set 29 days ago)
4,451 posts, read 3,570,859 times
Reputation: 6089


I agree....the fact that she wanted to do something so generous towards you....when most teenagers would be more selfish....speaks volumes.

After all, a gift tells something about the giver.

Once, when I was in graduate school--getting my Masters and preparing to go on for my docterate--- I found a really nice scarf for my Mom for Mother's Day. Money was tight, of course, but it was on clearance at TJ Maxx or Marshall's....I spent $2.00 on it but it was really nice.

Both my parents called me up and blessed me out for spending money on that scarf.

Twenty years later and it still hurts my heart.

Be thankful and gracious and loving to your daughter...you'll find a way to save up some extra money to pay her back.
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Old 12-11-2010, 10:07 PM
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Keep the gift! You should be proud that you've raised a daughter who finds happiness in giving. So she overspent, she's almost an adult and knew exactly what she was doing and chose to buy you this gift. She loves you and feels total joy in what she bought for you. Don't ruin her moment by talking about overspending. Enjoy the moment. Save a budgeting talk for the first of the year.

Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
Oh wow Im torn on this one because I spent money on my mother for xmas and she got mad and she took it back to the store that was the last time I celebrated christmas with anyone . My husband and I really do agree on christmas . See this is why I hate this time of year because it causes hurt feelings and too much money is spent . My mother gave me the money back but to tell you the money did not matter to me . So I guess im saying the money would not matter to her . But do want you want to do , you are the parent and have the final say so .
This made me so sad to read. I'm so sorry your mother was so unappreciative. Don't let her ruin the joy of giving at Christmas. My ex pulled this on me one year. I bought him this really expensive bathrobe w/ my overtime money, and was so excited to give it to him. He opened it and told me to take it back because we weren't exchanging presents that year. It's understandable looking back that he's now my ex.
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Old 12-11-2010, 10:27 PM
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I'm glad you're not going to say anything. That's best. It really hurts people's feelings when you refuse a gift from the heart.

I often would buy one expensive gift for a family member each year. It wasn't ever the same family member. In my quest to find the perfect gift for everyone, there was always ONE expensive gift that was the perfect gift that year for someone. It wasn't my intention to overspend. It was my intention to buy the perfect gift from the heart.

I'm sharing this so you will be aware that your daughter will probably buy an expensive gift for someone in future years. There's nothing wrong with it. I don't think a budget or money management talk is necessary unless she has shown that she isn't good at budgeting money other times of the year. If this only happens at Christmas, let her enjoy the joy of giving. She has a big heart. Celebrate that.
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Old 12-11-2010, 10:31 PM
Status: "John 16:33" (set 29 days ago)
4,451 posts, read 3,570,859 times
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Also, I believe it is easy as parents to get lost in the lesson, to be too intent on teaching right from wrong, etc., that one loses the joy of the moment.

Let this lesson to her be that it is wonderful to give generously, and even better to receive graciously. It will be a gift you give her in return.

After all, this is her last Christmas as a "child" in your house. It will never be quite the same again.
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Old 12-11-2010, 11:04 PM
Location: NE Oklahoma
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You should keep it and be thankful to her. My mother gripes about what people buy her no matter what it is. If it is me, I should have kept my money. If it is my step-father OMG she gripes. I am 43 years old and most of my life I have tried to find something that I like enough to give her that is CHEAP enough to suit her. I can't do it. I have handmade things, I have made cookie trays and put them in a nice tin, all sorts of things and she still gripes.
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Old 12-12-2010, 12:36 AM
6,483 posts, read 10,168,815 times
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Originally Posted by skahar View Post
I think it is incredibly sweet that she would think enough of me to buy me something that expensive (she's kind of a miser) and I am not mad at her for doing it, I just worry that the money could be better spent on things that she'll need when she starts college.

I think you guys are right and I should leave it be and be incredibly thankful and happy on Christmas.
Yes, everyone is right. My mom has ALWAYS taken that attitude of any money spent (little or a lot) on her was too much. She'd look all guilty for accepting a gift, and me being angry for having to convince her to KEEP THE DAMN THING. It finally really pissed me off about 15 years ago, so now I don't buy her a damn thing. Don't let your daughter develop my attitude.

ETA: Nix the lecture. That's a good way to put a damper on her surprise.
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Old 12-12-2010, 12:48 AM
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TWICE , MY mother was unappreciative of gifts our father gave her. On seprate years he asked my older sister and later me (we were older teens) to go with him to the jewlery store to help pick out a gift. My sister picked out a ruby ring. My mother threw it across the room. Ten years later, I picked out a beautiful large topaz with two big diamonds on each side. She wasn't nasty like she was when she received the ruby ring, but she wasn't as excited as I thought she would be and she never wore the ring. Now that I'm an adult, I SUSPECT my father MIGHT have been in the DOG HOUSE for some reason or another and was using gift buying and having his children help chose the gifts as a way to get out of the dog house. The reason I suspect that is because these are the only two times I recall my mother reacting negatively to gifts. I can't imagine any other reason my mother reacted that way. But I agree with everyone that it's best to ALWAYS be appreciative when receiving gifts regardless of the circumstances.
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Old 12-12-2010, 09:02 AM
345 posts, read 421,495 times
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Originally Posted by skahar View Post
I found out my 17yo DD spent way too much on a gift for me this year. My first instinct was to have DH make her take it back, but then I start thinking will that be rude or make her feel bad or even make her think she should always look out for herself rather than do something special for someone else?

I'm kinda torn as to what to do, it was a ton of money ($300) and she should not be spending that kind of money with college only 7 months away, on the other hand I know how good it feels to do something really special for someone else.

What would you do or have done in similar situations?
It is a time of giving. You should be happy that she is willing to sacrifice movies, clothes, ... on a very nice gift for someone she holds special.

I am a single father My DD is also 17. In years past I was the one that drove her to the stores and paid for my gifts. Ladt year was the first year she's mobile. Her and her friends chipped in and got me a shirt. It is my favorite shirt. This year she has accumulated some money by bringing her own lunch (she buys from her lunch allowance and saves the rest) and from her allowance. I know she wants to splurge on me this year. I've always made Christmas special for her and now she wants to give that back to me. BTW, she never asks for anything nor expects anything. She gives some of her allowance to church.

My advise is to make sure whatever she got you has a prominant place under the tree and make sure you don't guess what it is. That would be the best gift you can give her and the one she will always remember.
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Old 12-12-2010, 09:04 AM
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I'm glad that I found out ahead of time and had the chance to think it through and ask for advice from others. If I had been surprised with the gift my first thought would have been to tell her that while I appreciate her putting so much thought into something for me, I really don't want her to spend that much money on me.

It was good to see some of the responses from people who were on the receiving end of my first response and how it made them feel to have a gift rejected like that. Thank you very much for that insight.
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Old 12-12-2010, 09:52 AM
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If you are really worried that she will need the money for something for college you could always "help" with that thing.

Have a very merry Christmas and enjoy the moment.
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