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Hopes that type of stuff is common sense.There are many people who are worse off than txt queen who don't have to be taught those things. While yes txt has evolved somewhat she also has ignored just as much advice as she has taken.
Agree. She is resistant to change and truly believes that people who are better off than she is, just had more given to them. Had better opportunities. She is stuck in the "poor me" syndrome. Until she decides to own her situation, including her part in where she is, she will continue repeating the same mistakes over and over again.
Yet she wants to be a police officer which has a similar structure and boot camp like academy? . Not to mention you can learn a skill you can use outside while you go to school. My exes friend learned how to repair helicopters while he was in....and went to school in there too. So he came out 3 years into a b.a. and spent the next 3 working pt making good money while he finished up and got his masters.
Look back. I told her exactly the same thing. The police officers I know, have military backgrounds. They will train her, pay her and provide benefits. And she will have an advantage at the police academy. Nope. Not happening.
She didn't work at first when she was posting here. When she got a job at BBB earlier this year, her mother drove her and picked her up.
Exactly. And there was at least 14k in grandmother's bonds to add to financial aid and student loans. She could afford dorms more than most students who are living in dorms.
However, the reality is that nobody taught her she could do these things. Nobody taught her how to even apply to college. There are many people in the world whose parents don't point them in the right direction. I'm proud she learned how to apply to college on her own this fall!
She truly has come a very long way. Lightening years within just a few short months. As much as everyone says she didn't listen to us, she DID listen to us. I don't think she would have gotten the job at BBB if everyone hadn't hounded her to get a job. I don't think she would have moved out of her mothers house if everyone hadn't hounded her about that.
This babysitting/nanny arrangement might not be perfect, but it helped her learn that leaving mom's house isn't that scary. Remember, she was terrified of going off on her own. This live-in babysitter arrangement was a stepping stone for her. In that regard, this job has been a success---if she goes on to having her own apartment or living in a dorm instead of back into her mother's house.
I totally agree with this. We all go through some less than ideal situations while we're finding our way in life. I think the worst thing she could do at this point is to go back to Mom's. You should at least move sideways, or tread water for a minute, if you can't move forward. Going back to Mom's is a huge regression.
And I'm probably not going to be very popular after this, but... she's doing a bunch of work for other people that have set up a sweet situation for themselves and IMO appear to be taking advantage of young girls trying to get up and leave the nest.
It's all fine that we adults spend however many hours outside of a job working on OUR homes, our children, our yards, things that we have built that are dear to US. txtqueen is being charged full rent/utilities etc and is expected to take care of things that are really not hers, that are not earning her much towards building her life - this is not technically a job so she is not even going to be able to get a good reference and put it on a resume for the future. She won't even get a previous landlord reference out of it, seeing as she doesn't pay rent with money, but time. She's not spending the time studying or bettering herself, she's using it to fulfill duties for the household instead.
I think Hopes is right - if she can find another part time job to take up the financial slack and share an apartment where she'll have bills and a lease in her name, she would probably be better off than she is now.
But I don't think anything is really lost. We all learn lessons from these things and grow from it. Lord knows I wasn't perfect straight outta the gate. Although I'm perfection personified, now - of course.
Look back. I told her exactly the same thing. The police officers I know, have military backgrounds. They will train her, pay her and provide benefits. And she will have an advantage at the police academy. Nope. Not happening.
And often they get first dibs to enter the academy....come to think of it out of my exes old cop buddies i'm not sure any of them were not ex military.
Hopes that type of stuff is common sense.There are many people who are worse off than txt queen who don't have to be taught those things. While yes txt has evolved somewhat she also has ignored just as much advice as she has taken.
Seriously, no one had to show me how to apply for college. It isn't that difficult. For goodness sake, the FAFSA even tells you what line to get the information from the tax form on for each question.
I totally agree with this. We all go through some less than ideal situations while we're finding our way in life. I think the worst thing she could do at this point is to go back to Mom's. You should at least move sideways, or tread water for a minute, if you can't move forward. Going back to Mom's is a huge regression.
And I'm probably not going to be very popular after this, but... she's doing a bunch of work for other people that have set up a sweet situation for themselves and IMO appear to be taking advantage of young girls trying to get up and leave the nest.
It's all fine that we adults spend however many hours outside of a job working on OUR homes, our children, our yards, things that we have built that are dear to US. txtqueen is being charged full rent/utilities etc and is expected to take care of things that are really not hers, that are not earning her much towards building her life - this is not technically a job so she is not even going to be able to get a good reference and put it on a resume for the future. She won't even get a previous landlord reference out of it, seeing as she doesn't pay rent with money, but time. She's not spending the time studying or bettering herself, she's using it to fulfill duties for the household instead.
I think Hopes is right - if she can find another part time job to take up the financial slack and share an apartment where she'll have bills and a lease in her name, she would probably be better off than she is now.
But I don't think anything is really lost. We all learn lessons from these things and grow from it. Lord knows I wasn't perfect straight outta the gate. Although I'm perfection personified, now - of course.
To some extent you are right but she isn't taking care of all this for nothing. She is earning her keep. I don't think that is totally being taken advantage of. It's actually pretty old school. The problem is, with no written contract no one knows exactly what is expected on either end. If she can get that figured out, it will be key. If they are unwilling to put anything in writing then she has a problem.
Well, you seem to have plenty of time to hang out on the parenting forum..
I'm on my phone on break at work.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sabinerose
There's really no point... really... she won't listen to what we say anyway... BUT...
It's not too late to apply for college. Why does everyone sound like they are talking about it like it's too late or something she should have done? Why can't she still go to college? My friends 23 yr. old son just enrolled at the local university this year - he even gets a private dorm room because of his age. He had NO job, NO car, crappy grades in high school... and now he's studying to become a plastic surgeon . He got student loans, grants, etc... Txt needs to contact whatever university she wants to go to and talk with an enrollment councelor. They will happily get her the forms, websites, etc... that she needs to enroll. She has a better chance at grants because she is on her own and only her income (BB&B - the babysitting one doesn't count) will be considered. It gets her an education and future. It gets her a place to live and be fed 3 squares a day. And, it will give her a goal in life with a set schedule and the boundaries she needs. And I am talking about 4 year university college here... not a class or two of community college while living at home.
And often they get first dibs to enter the academy....come to think of it out of my exes old cop buddies i'm not sure any of them were not ex military.
Yep, and MP is one of the few jobs in the military that is always hiring.
To some extent you are right but she isn't taking care of all this for nothing. She is earning her keep. I don't think that is totally being taken advantage of. It's actually pretty old school. The problem is, with no written contract no one knows exactly what is expected on either end. If she can get that figured out, it will be key. If they are unwilling to put anything in writing then she has a problem.
Yes, I get what you're saying. I didn't mean she worked for nothing, I meant she's perhaps paying too high a price for what she's getting. She's paying rent and utilities and insurance and whatever else at the going rate. They aren't discounting it for her. $550 plus (IIRC) should get you a decent enough place to share, they aren't actually doing her any favors. Plus they're expecting her to drop everything to be at their beck and call.
I worked literally for nothing when I got started - so I understand that concept, but it went toward a higher goal and the people I worked for were helping me further my career. If her goal was to become a fully professional nanny then this situation might be a worthwhile endeavor.
She's spending an awful lot of what seems to me non productive time just putting a roof over her head. I would think there's a more efficient way of doing that, and that this "job" has served it's purpose - if she can find a way to support herself without it.
Now I know she signed up for it and all that, but at some point there's nothing wrong for seeing the situation for what it is.
But I don't think anything is really lost. We all learn lessons from these things and grow from it. Lord knows I wasn't perfect straight outta the gate.
Me neither! I lived with way too many men!
Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus
Although I'm perfection personified, now - of course.
Of course!
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. Not to mention you can learn a skill you can use outside while you go to school. My exes friend learned how to repair helicopters while he was in....and went to school in there too. So he came out 3 years into a b.a. and spent the next 3 working pt making good money while he finished up and got his masters.
. He got student loans, grants, etc... Txt needs to contact whatever university she wants to go to and talk with an enrollment councelor. They will happily get her the forms, websites, etc... that she needs to enroll. She has a better chance at grants because she is on her own and only her income (BB&B - the babysitting one doesn't count) will be considered. It gets her an education and future. It gets her a place to live and be fed 3 squares a day. And, it will give her a goal in life with a set schedule and the boundaries she needs. And I am talking about 4 year university college here... not a class or two of community college while living at home.
