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This is one of those hoops you will have to jump through for the next couple of years. Do like I did, and take up daydreaming.
When you grow up, you will be invited to weddings that may have a religious service as part of it, you will still attend those ceremonies even if you don't believe in the religious ritual involved. You may be invited to baptisms of your friends' children and again, you would still attend to celebrate with them even if you don't believe a baptism is necessary. You will attend funerals of family members and work associates, even if you do think they are now nothing more than worm meal. Sometimes being a good, nonreligious person means just showing up to show your support for the people you care for even when you don't believe.
That is completely different than being forced to say things you don't mean and pretending to believe in something you don't. Totally different.
That is completely different than being forced to say things you don't mean and pretending to believe in something you don't. Totally different.
Right. That's why I said look at attending a service with your parent the same way you will look at those future events. You are there in body, to support the people you love, even if you don't believe in what they believe.
Unfortunately, not all kids live with open minded parents and they may have to attend some events that don't appeal to them. In this case, it is a weekly event, church. I am suggesting she or he accept that his/her parents are authoritarian, attend, and make the best of it by quietly daydreaming or reflecting on things of more interest. I got through elementary school that way!
I am sorry that this kid feels the situation is unjust (it is) but life is full of injustice and you cannot fight it all. It sounds like the this kid has already unsuccessfully lobbied his parents, and he will continue to be unsuccessful. For now he needs to figure out how to cope with the situation.
I don't think expecting a kid to attend a church service is the same as "forcing" religious beliefs on them. I'm with Jennibc on this one. It's just a church service, after all. It means a lot to those who do believe, but if the kid's an atheist then how is it going to hurt? Sitting in a pew for a couple of hours a week for the sake of keeping family harmony isn't that big of a deal.
I don't think expecting a kid to attend a church service is the same as "forcing" religious beliefs on them. I'm with Jennibc on this one. It's just a church service, after all. It means a lot to those who do believe, but if the kid's an atheist then how is it going to hurt? Sitting in a pew for a couple of hours a week for the sake of keeping family harmony isn't that big of a deal.
No but if the kid doesn't believe it goes against the teachings these people follow.
I don't think expecting a kid to attend a church service is the same as "forcing" religious beliefs on them. I'm with Jennibc on this one. It's just a church service, after all. It means a lot to those who do believe, but if the kid's an atheist then how is it going to hurt? Sitting in a pew for a couple of hours a week for the sake of keeping family harmony isn't that big of a deal.
I agreed earlier that it's worth still going to church, but that said, I don't think going to church is "just sitting in a pew." Some churches openly preach anti-this or anti-that and someone who identifies as that may begin to really hate themselves or feel hurt. For example if a church preaches anti-gay sentiment, and someone is gay, then it's not just "sitting in a pew." It's sitting through feeling personally attacked. I'm not saying this is necessarily the case for the OP but I'm just saying going to church can sometimes be more than just "sitting there."
That's why I think if the OP continues to go to church, which I think would be a good idea to keep family harmony, there needs to be an active sense of putting up a shield and really questioning what the preacher says, rather than just blindly listening to everything.
There are plenty of other places to learn life's lessons while not being forced to say things one doesn't mean and profess a belief they don't feel.
Where exactly did I say he had to say things he didn't mean or profess a belief he didn't feel? All I said was that it wasn't too much for his parents to expect him to sit and be respectful for the length on a church service.
I don't think expecting a kid to attend a church service is the same as "forcing" religious beliefs on them. I'm with Jennibc on this one. It's just a church service, after all. It means a lot to those who do believe, but if the kid's an atheist then how is it going to hurt? Sitting in a pew for a couple of hours a week for the sake of keeping family harmony isn't that big of a deal.
I agree. Shoot, if you go to most Catholic churches, Mass is only an hour. I don't think that is too much to ask of your child.
I agree. Shoot, if you go to most Catholic churches, Mass is only an hour. I don't think that is too much to ask of your child.
It isn't. I am not Catholic. My husbands family is. When we go visit I attend Mass with the family because that is what they do. I don't take communion because it would be disrespectful to their belief that one must be Catholic to partake. I can, however sit quietly and respectfully during the service. I can pray in my own way or not. Frankly, I could be reciting the words to In-A-Gadda-Da-Vita silently in my head while smiling sweetly...
I totally feel for you. I let go of my religious teachings when I was around 14, and I was free to do so. I think my parents thought they had done their job up till that point and then realized I am a human being with my own ideas.
It is sad that your parents think they can control your belief system. I don't know why they would want to force you to go somewhere and pretend to believe something you obviously don't.
If you have the time and inclination, I would write them a heartfelt letter, politely thanking them for everything and telling them how you came to be a disbeliever and that it is your personal right to choose your own beliefs. Reassure them that you are still a good person, that you will live a moral life and that you can reassess the situation at anytime but for now that you would really appreciate the time they go to church to spend in nature or in meditation or in some way that is honoring your spirit (if that feels right to you - just trying to give you some ideas).
No, I disagree. I feel that my children are separate, autonomous beings and if they don't agree with my beliefs (agnostic) and decide to go to church you can bet your sweet bippy I would support that.
No matter what my friends or family thought.
Well yes, Really. What you feel and what the OP's parents feel are likely two very separate things, and we aren't talking about YOU or YOUR beliefs.
His parents are having a hard time understanding that he has rejected their faith and while you and I might not be offended by it his are. So in order to not completely ruin the relationship with his family even though I agree that he should make up his own mind, he could do the mature thing a play along for a bit while he is still living in their house.
It is avoidable and unnecessary to hurt their feelings in this way. What's the point? He's not going to change their minds anytime soon. Sometimes you have to accept people for what they are, and that goes for children accepting their parents, not just the other way around.
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